PaddockLad 17246 Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 48 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore” Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says “ You- you mix a ma toasties!” I first heard that joke more than forty years ago. Please return it to the British Museum where it belongs 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore” Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says “ You- you mix a ma toasties!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted March 28, 2023 Author Share Posted March 28, 2023 Who hides in the bathroom at parties? The party-pooper. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17246 Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 I've been asked to lay new turf on a field for a civil war re-enactment battle. Sod that for a game of soldiers….. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 28, 2023 Share Posted March 28, 2023 7 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: Who hides in the bathroom at parties? The party-pooper. Shite. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 12 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: Who hides in the bathroom at parties? The party-pooper. Got to be a shocker for MF to give it a Jaysus response 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted March 29, 2023 Author Share Posted March 29, 2023 What do you call sweaty boobs? Humidititties. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 Better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 7083 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 21 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: Who hides in the bathroom at parties? The party-pooper. Who always blocks the bog at parties? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 10 minutes ago, trophyshy said: Who always blocks the bog at parties? Callum Mawson? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted March 29, 2023 Author Share Posted March 29, 2023 32 minutes ago, trophyshy said: Who always blocks the bog at parties? William Shitwell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 14 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35077 Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 20 hours ago, trophyshy said: Who always blocks the bog at parties? Jona Lewie? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33166 Posted March 30, 2023 Share Posted March 30, 2023 2 hours ago, Alex said: Jona Lewie? Eranu! The correct answer is Sam Allardyce. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 I swapped our bed for a trampoline the other day. Mrs. F. hit the roof. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 Don't worry, she'll bounce back. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 Helvetica, New Roman and Comic Sans all walk in to a bar for a beer. Barman says “ Out, we don’t serve your type in here.” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted March 31, 2023 Author Share Posted March 31, 2023 my friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants. the pay was bad but the tips were huge. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33166 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 An oregano, a rosemary and a basil tried to get served late on but the barman said, 'sorry, thyme at the bar, please. Thyme at the bar' 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 Bloke with amnesia walks up to a beautiful brunette at the bar and says ” Do I come here often?” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted March 31, 2023 Share Posted March 31, 2023 3 hours ago, Howmanheyman said: An oregano, a rosemary and a basil tried to get served late on but the barman said, 'sorry, thyme at the bar, please. Thyme at the bar' 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted April 1, 2023 Author Share Posted April 1, 2023 It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub, but a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house... The difference is staggering. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted April 1, 2023 Author Share Posted April 1, 2023 What do you call a naked bear? A bare. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted April 1, 2023 Share Posted April 1, 2023 4 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: What do you call a naked bear? A bare. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted April 1, 2023 Share Posted April 1, 2023 Bear walks in to a bar and says, ” I’ll have a pint of lager and… … a half of coke. “ Barman says, ” Sure, but what’s with the big pause?” Bear says, ” I’ve had them since birth.” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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