RobinRobin 11260 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 14 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I was in the pub the other day and a massive tiger came in and approached the bar. “ I’ll have a rum and…” then, 2 minutes later, “… coke please Barman!” The barman said, “ Ok, but what’s with the huge pause?” Tiger said, ” Oh, I get them from my dads side of the family”. Fuck off. 👍 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasepud 59 Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Devastated that I've had to jack in my job playing rhe triangle in a Rastafarian band but I couldn't take it any more. It was literally one ting after another 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Funny you should mention that, as just yesterday my neighbour beat his Mrs. up with a fiddle and was then arrested for domestic violins. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11260 Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 9 hours ago, peasepud said: Devastated that I've had to jack in my job playing rhe triangle in a Rastafarian band but I couldn't take it any more. It was literally one ting after another 9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Funny you should mention that, as just yesterday my neighbour beat his Mrs. up with a fiddle and was then arrested for domestic violins. Ditto 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15518 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13861 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21589 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobos 298 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded! ..... I think it might have been a Jihaddy Longlegs. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Lads, I'm sure Xa9as will explain. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 The best thing about this is that he looked at it, edited it, looked at it again, and thought, “ Aye, that’s better!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11260 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 13 hours ago, Craig said: Lads, I'm sure Xa9as will explain. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2964 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 11 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: The best thing about this is that he looked at it, edited it, looked at it again, and thought, “ Aye, that’s better!” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Just caught Fist Jnr. shoving a yellow and green wire up his nipsy. That’s him grounded. * I’ll see myself out. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 What do you call a boat full of potatoes and penises? A dictatorship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 3 hours ago, Craig said: What do you call a boat full of potatoes and penises? A dictatorship 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes... I turned to a local tribesman and said “That lizards really funny!” The tribesman replied, “That’s not a lizard... He’s a stand up chameleon...” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11260 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 1 hour ago, Craig said: I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes... I turned to a local tribesman and said “That lizards really funny!” The tribesman replied, “That’s not a lizard... He’s a stand up chameleon...” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33141 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 John Wayne walks into a saloon in a small town in Missouri and asks for a whiskey, everyone in the saloon hushes and keeps their heads down. As he's starting his drink he loudly days to the barman, "When I finish this drink I'm a going to go to my horse and I'm sincerely hoping that someone in this no good, forgotten town has saddled him. If nobody has saddled my horse.........same thing that happened in Texas is gonna happen here." Everyone is shiting themselves and in their panic and fear, assume somebody else has done the job the Duke wants doing. John Wayne necks his drink then goes outside. A minute later the saloon doors burst aside as the Duke walks back in the establishment. "Well it looks as if my horse isn't saddled. Ok, I'll have one more drink for the road and this time, if my horse isn't saddled......THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENED IN TEXAS IS GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT HERE!" Everyone is bricking it and the nearest bloke to the door nips out and saddles Wayne's horse. The Duke finishes his drink and heads outside. He sees his horse has been saddled so gets up on it and slowly starts to trot along the dusty town road. A teenage boy looking on through the window on the saloon porch at what was happening couldn't hold it in any longer and ran up to the big man. "Mr Wayne! Mr Wayne!" He shouted, "What is it, son?" The Duke drawled back. "Mr Wayne, what, (gulp), happened in Texas when they didn't saddle your horse, sir?" The Duke spat out a piece of tobacco to one side then said to the boy...... ......."I had to walk home, son." 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 I watched a documentary on BBC4 about how ship's hulls are held together. It was riveting… 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11260 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I watched a documentary on BBC4 about how ship's hulls are held together. It was riveting… 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21912 Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 I learnt the medical name for viagra. Mycoxaflopin 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21912 Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 What colour is the wind? Blew 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15518 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 3 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: What colour is the wind? Blew 7 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: I learnt the medical name for viagra. Mycoxaflopin Kid-friendly and non-kid-friendly in perfect proximity 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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