Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Had a go at flower arranging too… Get fucked 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11261 Posted October 27, 2021 Share Posted October 27, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 So, since it’s December and I’ve ran out of fireworks to annoy the neighbours with, I’ll post my favourite Christmas joke. After recording The Little Drummer Boy with Bing, Bowie noticed he was looking a bit glum. Bowie-“ Everything ok Bing?” Bing-“ Sorry David, my inflatable arse has a slow puncture…” Bowie-“ Sorry to hear that Bing, would you like to borrow my Rubber Bum Pump?” Bing-“ A Rubber Bum Pump?” Bowie-“ A Rubber Bum Pump.” Lick iz. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11361 Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35063 Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings but Walt disnae 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11361 Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Why does Santa always come through the chimney? Because he knows better than to try the back door 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted December 8, 2021 Share Posted December 8, 2021 Watched a film last night about a bloke who went round librarys pouring meat juices over the non-fiction books. It was baste on a true story.… I thangew. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11261 Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 12 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: So, since it’s December and I’ve ran out of fireworks to annoy the neighbours with, I’ll post my favourite Christmas joke. After recording The Little Drummer Boy with Bing, Bowie noticed he was looking a bit glum. Bowie-“ Everything ok Bing?” Bing-“ Sorry David, my inflatable arse has a slow puncture…” Bowie-“ Sorry to hear that Bing, would you like to borrow my Rubber Bum Pump?” Bing-“ A Rubber Bum Pump?” Bowie-“ A Rubber Bum Pump.” Lick iz. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 So, it being 2022 and that, I thought I’d have a reset and stop posting offensive shite and what have you.… I mean, say what you want about deaf people.… HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trooper 940 Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 What did Paul Simon say to Justin Hawkins ? "Hello Darkness my old friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trooper 940 Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 Whats the difference between a weasel & a stoat ? Ones weasely recognised the others stoatly different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 What organ stays warm in a woman’s body after her death? Mine. Giddup! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33142 Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 Six years to the day that Errol Brown died...... wait, you don't remember him, do you? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11261 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 20 hours ago, trooper said: What did Paul Simon say to Justin Hawkins ? "Hello Darkness my old friend 19 hours ago, trooper said: Whats the difference between a weasel & a stoat ? Ones weasely recognised the others stoatly different 2022 has started off at a remarkably low point 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Tried setting up a racing pigeon breeding business but I ran in to some problems- Me- “ All the pigeons you’ve sold me die after their first time breeding…” Pigeon Bloke- “ I’ve never heard of that before, normally breeding birds are good for 3-4 years” Me- “ Well, you’ve heard it now- some of them are dead before I even hit my vinegars!” Coo. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11361 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11261 Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 15 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Tried setting up a racing pigeon breeding business but I ran in to some problems- Me- “ All the pigeons you’ve sold me die after their first time breeding…” Pigeon Bloke- “ I’ve never heard of that before, normally breeding birds are good for 3-4 years” Me- “ Well, you’ve heard it now- some of them are dead before I even hit my vinegars!” Coo. And MF takes it lower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21912 Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 what's the rudest texture? bumpiness 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 That’s a bit coarse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21912 Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 I was in the pub the other day and a massive tiger came in and approached the bar. “ I’ll have a rum and…” then, 2 minutes later, “… coke please Barman!” The barman said, “ Ok, but what’s with the huge pause?” Tiger said, ” Oh, I get them from my dads side of the family”. Fuck off. 👍 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15518 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 3 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: I was in the pub the other day and a massive tiger came in and approached the bar. “ I’ll have a rum and…” then, 2 minutes later, “… come please Batman!” The barman said, “ Ok, but what’s with the huge pause?” Tiger said, ” Oh, I get them from my dads side of the family”. Fuck off. 👍 The barman said, "That's a bit forward, and don't call me Batman" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42387 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 God damned autocucumber! ( fixed it, but left in your quote for posteriors ) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21591 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 6 minutes ago, Meenzer said: The barman said, "That's a bit forward, and don't call me Batman" Post of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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