if you heard a joke today, post it

[Sonatine 11653]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

As Wykiki was recovering and a nurse asked if he’d like some toast. 
 

W- “ ‘appen a would, aye.”

N- “ Hiw do you like it?”

W- “ Wi’ jamon. “

 

[Toonpack 10237]

T’tea and t’toast t’tremendous 

[wykikitoon 21159]

I recently joined a Ukrainian dating site.

I've now got a chick in Kiev..

[aimaad22 4259]

There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 19.

 

 

 

 

His name was Constant teen

[RobinRobin 11714]

9 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

I recently joined a Ukrainian dating site.

I've now got a chick in Kiev..

 

9 hours ago, aimaad22 said:

There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 19.

 

 

 

 

His name was Constant teen

[The Fish 11020]

Did you know that Bill Withers had a brother called Bear? But he just wrote hold music

[Dazzler 10606]

1 minute ago, The Fish said:

Did you know that Bill Withers had a brother called Bear? But he just wrote hold music

[RobinRobin 11714]

13 hours ago, The Fish said:

Did you know that Bill Withers had a brother called Bear? But he just wrote hold music

[wykikitoon 21159]

Chromosomes, a beginner's guide:

 

XY = Male

 

XX = Female

 

YYY = Delilah

[Gemmill 46712]

I don't actually think that's right. Need to be careful billing that as a guide. 

[RobinRobin 11714]

4 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

Chromosomes, a beginner's guide:

 

XY = Male

 

XX = Female

 

YYY = Delilah

It's not unusual 

🙂 

[wykikitoon 21159]

My mate said he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. 

 

Personally I think he's torquing out of his arse!!!.

[RobinRobin 11714]

10 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

My mate said he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. 

 

Personally I think he's torquing out of his arse!!!.

He's not the only one. 🙂 

[Monkeys Fist 43349]

4 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

My mate said he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. 

 

Personally I think he's torquing out of his arse!!!.

Wrong thread mate. 

[RobinRobin 11714]

16 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Wrong thread mate. 

[Toonpack 10237]

19 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Wrong thread mate. 

Screw you 

[Monkeys Fist 43349]

52 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

Screw you 

Is that you putting a hex on me? 
 

 

I taught my pet frog how to do metalwork last year. 
I said “ What’s the best way to join metal duct, Pierre?”

He said “ Rivet”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Toonpack 10237]

Fucking spanner

[sammynb 3601]

1 minute ago, Toonpack said:

Fucking spanner

 

Bunch of tools, tbh.

[Toonpack 10237]

Did you leave the UK to go to Aussie? If so, was it a bit of a wrench??

[RobinRobin 11714]

17 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Is that you putting a hex on me? 
 

 

I taught my pet frog how to do metalwork last year. 
I said “ What’s the best way to join metal duct, Pierre?”

He said “ Rivet”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Toonpack 10237]

I’ve just seen a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into the house next door - I asked what they were up to and they said "Narnia business".

[PaddockLad 17893]

4 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

I’ve just seen a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into the house next door - I asked what they were up to and they said "Narnia business".

[RobinRobin 11714]

1 hour ago, Toonpack said:

I’ve just seen a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into the house next door - I asked what they were up to and they said "Narnia business".

 

[Monkeys Fist 43349]

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”