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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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1 minute ago, Wardi said:

I have just learned that Richard Gere's father was a very talented German ventriloquist.

 

His name was Gottler.

 

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"Nooooo!!"

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3 hours ago, Wardi said:

I have just learned that Richard Gere's father was a very talented German ventriloquist.

 

His name was Gottler.

5d5f3cab57074addbc3e3b903a6ddcba bison GIF

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11 hours ago, Wardi said:

I have just learned that Richard Gere's father was a very talented German ventriloquist.

 

His name was Gottler.

The Lion King Reaction GIF

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Sadly lost the wife last night and the only reason I’m posting is to make sure none of you go through the same terrible situation. She needed a blood transfusion but her blood type was not on record and I had no idea what it was. 
 

Things deteriorated very quickly and I could only hold Mrs CT’s hand and say goodbye. I will never forget how  supportive she has always been. Even as she was fading away, she kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive”.

 

Summed my wife up, always thinking of others.

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Poor CT's wife knew she'd dropped a bollock the first time she met her MiL. The MiL told her CT's middle name was actually Wednesday. When asked why she chose that name, CTs mam  said she was shown CT for the first time by the midwife, she took her first look at him and all present agreed to call it a day.

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21 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Poor CT's wife knew she'd dropped a bollock the first time she met her MiL. The MiL told her CT's middle name was actually Wednesday. When asked why she chose that name, CTs mam  said she was shown CT for the first time by the midwife, she took her first look at him and all present agreed to call it a day.

Was that before or after the midwife slapped his mam.

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2 hours ago, Toonpack said:

Was that before or after the midwife slapped his mam.

 

Rumour has it that a mistake was made and that the baby was thrown in the bin whilst the afterbirth was kept and raised instead.

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8 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Rumour has it that a mistake was made and that the baby was thrown in the bin whilst the afterbirth was kept and raised instead.

What a placenta surprise

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On 28/08/2024 at 21:29, Toonpack said:

What a placenta surprise

 

Sounds like you're trying to do an Italian accent? Posting this bit of news underneath as a quick heads up to make sure you don't get into any trouble. :good:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why did the lawyer decide to participate in the local chess championships even though he wasn't very good at it?

 

 

 

 

Because he believed in the power of a tourney

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An engineer goes to hell and asks the devil why it's so hot so the devil tells him the AC is knackered. So the engineer fixes it then goes on to fix the escalators, all the electrical including TVs etc and even fixes the Wi-Fi. Soon hell is a very nice place to live. 

 

God notices and goes to confront Satan and ask him what's going on. He replies that he was sent an engineer who fixed everything. 

 

God replies "Hang on, that's wrong, all engineers go to heaven specifically to prevent this from happening". 

 

Satan replies "Well what are you going to do about it?" 

 

God says "I'm going to take you to court and sue you". 

 

Satan says... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Where the fuck are you going to find a lawyer?" 

 

 

 

 

 

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