catmag 337 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I've just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Love the ava btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Cheers. He's a cool little dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I've just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Love that! Pun intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I've just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Love that! Pun intended. It's ace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I've just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Love that! Pun intended. It's ace I sense a volley! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I allowed some school children to shave my hair off for charity today. We didn't manage to raise enough to save any starving Africans but at least it made my cock look bigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 2651 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 A man was walking his dog through a graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone, "Morning!", he said "No, just have a shit.", the other man replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 2651 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with... First, there is this supermodel wanna-be-chick. Yeah, okay, she's pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless! The girl is constantly fixer her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She's as dumb as a box of rocks and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe. The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10 and I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I actually think she might be a lesbian because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat. But the jewel in the crown has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he's baked before he comes to work, during work and, I'm sure, after work! He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years... and he's only 22! He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 60's and, to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work! Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King every single fucking day! Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30609 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Mr. Bass discovers Sickipedia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 2651 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Mr. Bass discovers Sickipedia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneColdStephenIreland 74 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I need a guy to take animals two by two on a boat. Anyone Noah guy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 After 6 months surveillance, Police arrested a van with four Islamic Thalidomides this morning in Dover. They'd long been suspected of bringing small arms into the country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 A Walker lad goes on Dragon's Den and takes his time setting up his old Gamekeepers pouch and getting his shotgun out and prepped all in front of the non-plussed Dragons. Finally after a minutes silence Theo Pathitas asks, "Do you want something of us or do you have some kind of idea?" to which the Walker Lad finally pipes up, "Aye it's a simple concept, Theo, just put your money in the fucking bag and I'll be having your Rolex too, Charva." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc-mag 1 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Famous people stuck in a broken time machine, No 74: Jimmy Saville "Now then now then now then!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42438 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Famous people stuck in a broken time machine, No 74: Jimmy Saville "Now then now then now then!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 MY next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Famous people stuck in a broken time machine, No 74: Jimmy Saville "Now then now then now then!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeazesMag 0 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 LOL FRICKIN LMAO SO HARD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeazesMag 0 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 LOL FRICKIN LMAO SO HARD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I walked past a new restaurant the other day with my wife. As we walked past she commented that food smelled out of this world, so I thought, hang on, I'm a nice bloke, I'll spoil her and give her a treat. So we walked past it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." A Jew, an Arab and a Roman Catholic walk into a bar. Barman says, 'What a fantastic example of a harmonious multi-cultural society'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33192 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 An old drunk walks past a Preacher by a river with his congregation in thrall to him. The Preacher sees the drunk and points at him saying, "You, drunk old man! Are you ready to find Jesus?" The pissed old lad doesn't know what to say but eventually mumbles, "S'pose so, like." At which the Preacher grabs him by the head and 'baptises' him in the river. He says, "My son, have you found Jesus?", The drunk replies, "Err, not sure.", The Preacher not expecting this answer quickly ducks the drunks head back into the river in case any of his flock start to get doubts. "Now, old man......Have you found Jesus?" the Preacher again asks, to which the still confused drunk says, "Err, I don't know". The by now-wishing-he'd-never-bothered Preacher ducks the drunks head in the river once more and shouts in exasperation, "For the love of God! Have you found Jesus yet?" to which the drunk finally snaps and says, "Are you fucking sure he fell in here?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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