if you heard a joke today, post it

[Dazzler 10289]

51 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3953]

On 11/12/2024 at 07:35, Toonpack said:

I’ve just seen a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into the house next door - I asked what they were up to and they said "Narnia business".

[Meenzer 15690]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 42932]

8 minutes ago, Meenzer said:

 

 

11/10? 

[RobinRobin 11487]

3 hours ago, Meenzer said:

 

 

 

UKEurovision'dYP

[RobinRobin 11487]

4 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[wykikitoon 20616]

Arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics this morning.

 

Bastards have only given me Cheerios for breakfast

[Sonatine 11533]

11 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[PaddockLad 17584]

11 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not too well known, but before Little Richard became a Rock and Roll star, he worked as a gardener in Newcastle’s City Allotments. 
 

At the end of a particularly heavy day, he was asked what work he'd done. 
 

“ Ah lopped all the rhubarb, ah lopped bamboo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dazzler 10289]

39 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics this morning.

 

Bastards have only given me Cheerios for breakfast

[wykikitoon 20616]

MrsWykiki says I have an obsession with Sinéad O'Connor. So I went to drs

 

Guess what he told me

 

Guess what he told me...

[wykikitoon 20616]

Michael O'Leary, the managing director of Ryanair, arrives in Dublin. He enters a pub and orders a pint of draft Guinness. The bartender nods and says, "That'll be one euro, sir." Surprised, O'Leary replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the euro. The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest brewery in Ireland." "Cheers," O'Leary responds.

Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro."

Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender.

Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you."

O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender.

"I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"

"Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second."

"I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3953]

Can you put people on ignore but just in certain threads?

[Monkeys Fist 42932]

1 hour ago, wykikitoon said:

Michael O'Leary, the managing director of Ryanair, arrives in Dublin. He enters a pub and orders a pint of draft Guinness. The bartender nods and says, "That'll be one euro, sir." Surprised, O'Leary replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the euro. The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest brewery in Ireland." "Cheers," O'Leary responds.

Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro."

Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender.

Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you."

O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender.

"I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"

"Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second."

"I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."

[wykikitoon 20616]

3 hours ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Can you put people on ignore but just in certain threads?

Who said that?

[RobinRobin 11487]

17 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

MrsWykiki says I have an obsession with Sinéad O'Connor. So I went to drs

 

Guess what he told me

 

Guess what he told me...

[Toonpack 9804]

I sincerely hope that new job opening for Wyki isn’t at a comedy club.

[Howmanheyman 33708]

13 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

I sincerely hope that new job opening for Wyki isn’t at a comedy club.

 

 

Wykiki and Dave standing on either side of the comedy club stage staring each other out before their turn on the mic. The rivalry is real.

[Alex 35534]

22 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

That’s an extra 5 euros 

[Dazzler 10289]

On 15/12/2024 at 11:21, Monkeys Fist said:

 

On 15/12/2024 at 09:31, wykikitoon said:

Michael O'Leary, the managing director of Ryanair, arrives in Dublin. He enters a pub and orders a pint of draft Guinness. The bartender nods and says, "That'll be one euro, sir." Surprised, O'Leary replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the euro. The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest brewery in Ireland." "Cheers," O'Leary responds.

Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro."

Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender.

Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you."

O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender.

"I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"

"Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second."

"I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."

 

Hope this helps. (It won't)

[aimaad22 4217]

17 hours ago, Toonpack said:

I sincerely hope that new job opening for Wyki isn’t at a comedy club.

It'd be like that time I started a band called 999 megabytes 

 

 

 

We still haven't landed a gig 

[RobinRobin 11487]

58 minutes ago, aimaad22 said:

It'd be like that time I started a band called 999 megabytes 

 

 

 

We still haven't landed a gig 

[The Fish 10944]

7 hours ago, aimaad22 said:

It'd be like that time I started a band called 999 megabytes 

 

 

 

We still haven't landed a gig 

[Dazzler 10289]

8 hours ago, aimaad22 said:

It'd be like that time I started a band called 999 megabytes 

 

 

 

We still haven't landed a gig 

[ewerk 31112]

8 hours ago, aimaad22 said:

It'd be like that time I started a band called 999 megabytes 

 

 

 

We still haven't landed a gig 

 

Come on, you're Asian so you know for a fact there's more than 1000 megabytes in a gig. 

 

Shoddy work, it really is.

Edited 21 hours ago by ewerk