Dr Gloom 21868 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 17 hours ago, Tdansmith said: Last Summer, a group of South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?” She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!” While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either, so he asked “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?” With no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3247 Posted October 22 Share Posted October 22 A homeless guy is travelling down a country lane, tired and hungry. He comes across a pub called ‘George and the Dragon’. Although it’s late and the pub is closed, he knocks on the door. The innkeeper’s wife sticks her head out a window. “Could I have some food?”, he asks. The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, “No!” “Any chance of a pint of ale then?” “No!”, she says again. “Could I at least sleep in your barn?” “No!” By this time, she was clearly getting very annoyed. The down and out says, “Okay then might I please…?” “What now?”, the woman interrupts impatiently. “… might I please have a word with George?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted October 23 Share Posted October 23 15 hours ago, Tdansmith said: A homeless guy is travelling down a country lane, tired and hungry. He comes across a pub called ‘George and the Dragon’. Although it’s late and the pub is closed, he knocks on the door. The innkeeper’s wife sticks her head out a window. “Could I have some food?”, he asks. The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, “No!” “Any chance of a pint of ale then?” “No!”, she says again. “Could I at least sleep in your barn?” “No!” By this time, she was clearly getting very annoyed. The down and out says, “Okay then might I please…?” “What now?”, the woman interrupts impatiently. “… might I please have a word with George?” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9314 Posted October 23 Share Posted October 23 The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42190 Posted October 23 Share Posted October 23 3 hours ago, Toonpack said: The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 6 hours ago, Toonpack said: The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42190 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9558 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3247 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3860 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 1 hour ago, Tdansmith said: A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted October 29 Share Posted October 29 14 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10814 Posted October 30 Share Posted October 30 On 28/10/2024 at 15:10, Tdansmith said: A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9314 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42190 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 9 minutes ago, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44556 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 13 minutes ago, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a car boot sale Fixed your typo. Hope you enjoy the book, you fat cunt. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10814 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 1 hour ago, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale Didn't CT stick to that for six days and seven nights? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9314 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 48 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Fixed your typo. Hope you enjoy the book, you fat cunt. I didn't really by a book Gemmill, it was a joke 🙄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10814 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 2 minutes ago, Toonpack said: I didn't really by a book Gemmill, it was a joke 🙄 I think we're in danger of crossing over into dodgy territory there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted November 8 Share Posted November 8 11 hours ago, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3247 Posted Monday at 23:32 Share Posted Monday at 23:32 My friend resigned from his job at BMW yesterday. As is traditional he gave no indication he was leaving. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11192 Posted Tuesday at 02:38 Share Posted Tuesday at 02:38 How can you tell the most popular man in the nudist colony? He's the one with a cup of coffee in each hand and carrying 12 doughnuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9314 Posted Tuesday at 06:57 Share Posted Tuesday at 06:57 4 hours ago, RobinRobin said: How can you tell the most popular man in the nudist colony? He's the one with a cup of coffee in each hand and carrying 12 doughnuts. Or polo mints in Gemmills case. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44556 Posted Tuesday at 07:01 Share Posted Tuesday at 07:01 3 minutes ago, Toonpack said: Or pirelli tyres in Gemmills case. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9314 Posted Tuesday at 08:42 Share Posted Tuesday at 08:42 Hot wheels scale ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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