if you heard a joke today, post it

[Dr Gloom 21727]

17 hours ago, Tdansmith said:

Last Summer, a group of South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either, so he asked “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?”

With no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts.
You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

 

[Tdansmith 3137]

A homeless guy is travelling down a country lane, tired and hungry. He comes across a pub called ‘George and the Dragon’.

Although it’s late and the pub is closed, he knocks on the door. The innkeeper’s wife sticks her head out a window.

“Could I have some food?”, he asks.

The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, “No!”

“Any chance of a pint of ale then?”

“No!”, she says again.

“Could I at least sleep in your barn?”

“No!” By this time, she was clearly getting very annoyed.

The down and out says, “Okay then might I please…?”

“What now?”, the woman interrupts impatiently.

“… might I please have a word with George?”