Howmanheyman 33160 Posted September 25 Share Posted September 25 14 hours ago, aimaad22 said: Because certain people are clearly missing the quality content on here I'm going to dig up an old original that was VERY popular in the old office. It was about one of my assistants who was an absolute moron. Hired a car filled with honey bees and went on a road trip in America because I'd asked for a US-B drive. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 188 Posted September 25 Share Posted September 25 The funeral will be held tomorrow for the scientist who discovered wheat allergies, he has sadly passed away age 78. His family have requested no flours at the service. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3892 Posted September 25 Share Posted September 25 2 hours ago, Wardi said: The funeral will be held tomorrow for the scientist who discovered wheat allergies, he has sadly passed away age 78. His family have requested no flours at the service. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aimaad22 4156 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 That was fortunate because the guests barley made it on time as it was 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11262 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 8 hours ago, Wardi said: The funeral will be held tomorrow for the scientist who discovered wheat allergies, he has sadly passed away age 78. His family have requested no flours at the service. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11262 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 What does a French child say when going down a slide? Yessssssss 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42402 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 4 hours ago, RobinRobin said: What does a French child say when going down a slide? Yessssssss French Knock Knock joke; “Frappe frappe” ”Qui est la?” ” Lostie!” ” Lostie qui?” ”Oui!” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33160 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 "Go directly to jail, do not piss go." 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 Electric cars…the truth as I see it. Im fed up with comments from people ridiculing EVs. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Personally I drive two of the top of the range EVs from Jaguar and Porsche. Their acceleration and handling is fantastic. They look brilliant and they’re really cheap to run. They hardly need any maintenance and haven’t depreciated since I bought them. Literally the only criticism I could make of them sometimes is that if I push them hard into the corner, they can fly off the track and get stuck under the sofa… 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9731 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 3 minutes ago, Tdansmith said: Electric cars…the truth as I see it. Im fed up with comments from people ridiculing EVs. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Personally I drive two of the top of the range EVs from Jaguar and Porsche. Their acceleration and handling is fantastic. They look brilliant and they’re really cheap to run. They hardly need any maintenance and haven’t depreciated since I bought them. Literally the only criticism I could make of them sometimes is that if I push them hard into the corner, they can fly off the track and get stuck under the sofa… 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aimaad22 4156 Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 I tried the walk like an Egyptian after coming across the video on Youtube. I now need to see a Cairo practor. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11262 Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 3 hours ago, aimaad22 said: I tried the walk like an Egyptian after coming across the video on Youtube. I now need to see a Cairo practor. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?” He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?” He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.” Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?” He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.” “Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11372 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17245 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 8 minutes ago, Tdansmith said: A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?” He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?” He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.” Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?” He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.” “Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.” Reminds me of what a old work colleague said once …. “ she was the sort of girl who, if you had the incredible good fortune to find yourself invited to get on top of her, you really wouldn’t get off until the neighbours complained about the smell….” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33160 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 24 minutes ago, PaddockLad said: Reminds me of what a old work colleague said once …. “ she was the sort of girl who, if you had the incredible good fortune to find yourself invited to get on top of her, you really wouldn’t get off until the neighbours complained about the smell….” Anyway, tell me more about this girl..... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11262 Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 14 hours ago, PaddockLad said: Reminds me of what a old work colleague said once …. “ she was the sort of girl who, if you had the incredible good fortune to find yourself invited to get on top of her, you really wouldn’t get off until the neighbours complained about the smell….” Don't be coy. Didn't know you worked with @Monkeys Fist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar… Tiger turns to Stevie and says, “How’s the singing career going?” Stevie replies, “Not too bad. How’s the golf?” Woods replies, “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right, now.” Stevie: “I always find when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.” Incredulous, Tiger says, “You play GOLF?” “Yes, I’ve been playing for years.” “But you’re blind! How can you play golf if you can’t see?” Stevie: “Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.” “But, how do you putt” asks Tiger. “Well”, says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.” “What’s your handicap?” “Well, actually — I’m a scratch golfer.” Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, “We’ve got to play a round sometime.” “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?” Woods thinks about it and says, “I can afford that; OK, I’m game… $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?” “Pick a night.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted October 10 Share Posted October 10 The teacher phoned little Johnny’s dad and said she was worried about his gambling in school, he was betting on anything, and he was very good at it, because he was always winning, taking all the kids pocket money, calculators, even some of their watches. Dad said they should try and think of something to stop it… a few days later the teacher phoned him back and said she thinks she has solved the problem, when Johnny’s dad asked how she said… well I asked him to stay behind after class to talk about his gambling and suddenly Johnny asked me if I was a natural blonde, when I said I was, he said he didn’t believe me, so I bet him everything he had, which was £110. that I was, he said prove it, so as nobody was around I lifted my skirt pulled my panties down, proved it and won all his money, I hope that taught him a lesson… The dad… the little shit, he bet me £500 this morning he’d see your pussy by the end of the day… 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted October 10 Share Posted October 10 Last Summer, a group of South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?” She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!” While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either, so he asked “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?” With no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11372 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9731 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 13 hours ago, Tdansmith said: Last Summer, a group of South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?” She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!” While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either, so he asked “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?” With no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42402 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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