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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have duck food here?”

The bartender says no and the duck leaves.

The next day, the same thing happens.

The duck wanders in and asks, “Do you have any duck food?” Once again, the nonplussed bartender says no and the duck leaves.

On the third day, the duck enters the bar and the bartender asks, “What do you want this time?” The duck asks once more, “Do you have any duck food?” “No!” yells the bartender. “We don’t have any duck food. If you come back and ask me again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The duck leaves and comes back the next day and asks, “Do you have any nails?”

The bartender says, “No.”

.....The duck then asks, “Do you have any duck food?”

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1 hour ago, Tdansmith said:

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have duck food here?”

The bartender says no and the duck leaves.

The next day, the same thing happens.

The duck wanders in and asks, “Do you have any duck food?” Once again, the nonplussed bartender says no and the duck leaves.

On the third day, the duck enters the bar and the bartender asks, “What do you want this time?” The duck asks once more, “Do you have any duck food?” “No!” yells the bartender. “We don’t have any duck food. If you come back and ask me again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The duck leaves and comes back the next day and asks, “Do you have any nails?”

The bartender says, “No.”

.....The duck then asks, “Do you have any duck food?”


Anyone with kids under ten must know this song.

 

 

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28 minutes ago, ewerk said:


Anyone with kids under ten must know this song.

 

 

I have a kid under 10 but I’m emotionally distant enough that they’ve never tried to pull this shit on me.

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In a recent job interview I was asked how i would perform under pressure?

I thought for a moment and said that i didn’t know all the words to that one, but I could have a good bash at Bohemian Rhapsody"

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On 16/09/2024 at 22:58, Tdansmith said:

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Put it in water…
If it sinks, it’s girl ant.
It it floats it’s…

….a witch and must be burned.

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5 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

But…

IMG_3399.thumb.jpeg.f6ec4e0b5b4fc7ea5b47d97fc202b135.jpeg

 

Which is witch? 

Put them in water and see who floats! Fuck me, do I have to think of everything?

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