Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 2 hours ago, aimaad22 said: There was once a King only 12 inches tall. Terrible King, but made a great ruler. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 3 hours ago, aimaad22 said: There was once a King only 12 inches tall. Terrible King, but made a great ruler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 I filled my Escort up with diesel yesterday by mistake. She died. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 8 hours ago, aimaad22 said: There was once a King only 12 inches tall. Terrible King, but made a great ruler. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17251 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 8 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I filled my Escort up with diesel yesterday by mistake. She died. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 8 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I filled my Escort up with diesel yesterday by mistake. She died. Sorry to hear about your loss. 😔 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I filled my Escort up with diesel yesterday by mistake. She died. Gary Delaney called, and he'd like his joke back. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 188 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15524 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 25 minutes ago, Wardi said: The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. Just found out the ballet skirt was invented by the Chuckle Brothers. ...all right, never mind 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 2 hours ago, Meenzer said: Just found out the ballet skirt was invented by the Chuckle Brothers. ...all right, never mind Tu me Tu you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 2 hours ago, Wardi said: The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3259 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 13 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I filled my Escort up with diesel yesterday by mistake. She died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 3 hours ago, Wardi said: The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 3 hours ago, Wardi said: The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 Four men on the titanic when it hits the iceberg. Waiter: We need to get to the lifeboats. Teacher: We need to save the kids. Lawyer: Fuck those kids. Priest: Do you think we have time? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 13 hours ago, Wardi said: The inventors of the ballet skirt thought long and hard about what to call their creation. Eventually they just put Tu and Tu together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Sex involving 4 people is a foursome Sex involving 3 people is a threesome Is that why Quiff thought he was handsome? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44853 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Two hikers are out in the forest when they come across what appears to be a small sinkhole. They're standing looking down it but it must be pretty deep cos they can't even see the bottom. One of the blokes says "here, I'll get to the bottom of this" and he goes and picks up this chunky rock, carries it over, and drops it down the sinkhole. They stand listening for it to hit the bottom, but as they're stood there, out of nowhere something comes flying through the bushes, absolutely pegging it, bursts between the two of them, and dives down into the sinkhole. The blokes look at each other in stunned silence with wtf looks on their faces. "Wtf was that?!" "I don't know. Some sort of animal, I think but it was moving so fast." While they're stood discussing it, a bloke comes out of the bushes and says "Here lads, have either of you seen a goat wandering about?" "A goat? Nah I don't think so." "Nah mate, haven't seen any goats." "It's weird as fuck. He can't have got far, I tied him to a big rock... " 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3892 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 1 hour ago, Gemmill said: Two hikers are out in the forest when they come across what appears to be a small sinkhole. They're standing looking down it but it must be pretty deep cos they can't even see the bottom. One of the blokes says "here, I'll get to the bottom of this" and he goes and picks up this chunky rock, carries it over, and drops it down the sinkhole. They stand listening for it to hit the bottom, but as they're stood there, out of nowhere something comes flying through the bushes, absolutely pegging it, bursts between the two of them, and dives down into the sinkhole. The blokes look at each other in stunned silence with wtf looks on their faces. "Wtf was that?!" "I don't know. Some sort of animal, I think but it was moving so fast." While they're stood discussing it, a bloke comes out of the bushes and says "Here lads, have either of you seen a goat wandering about?" "A goat? Nah I don't think so." "Nah mate, haven't seen any goats." "It's weird as fuck. He can't have got far, I tied him to a big rock... " 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44853 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 It's the best thing to happen in this thread this decade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15524 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 3 minutes ago, Gemmill said: It's the best thing to happen in this thread this decade. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44853 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Just surpassed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 32 minutes ago, Gemmill said: It's the best thing to happen in this thread this decade. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 (edited) An southern Englishman is living in Ireland and whenever he hears about 'the little people' and other such tales he politely smiles but grimaces a bit inside. One day he sees an advert in his local paper offering a talking dog for sale, price €20 to a good home. The Englishman shakes his head then sees the address is just around the corner. Smiling to himself he thinks he'll pop along as he's not busy and call the seller's bluff. He knocks on the door and asks if this is the right address for the talking dog. Irishman: "Yes it certainly is, sir, he's in the backyard." The Irishman takes him to a pokey backyard with a small kennel and a bored looking dog just lying there. The Englishman smiles and addresses the dog.... Englishman: "So you must be the talking dog I've heard about?" Straight away the dog looks up and says, "Aye, that's me, mate.' Flabbergasted the man looks around for trick microphones but doesn't see any. The Irishman says he'll leave him for ten minutes so he can chat privately with the dog. Englishman: "How the hell did you learn to talk?" The dog replies, "Well, I've no idea really, I must've just picked it up as a pup listening to my owners. Englishman: "What did your owners think?" Dog: "Well they were a bit unsure what to do so took me to the Garda for their opinion. The Garda offered to take me off their hands and look after and train me so I ended up working at Dublin airport, eavesdropping on potential terrorists and drug smugglers and letting the garda know." Englishman: "That's amazing!" Dog: "One day my handler said that the CIA had heard about me and paid the Garda four million dollars for my services so I ended up in the whitehouse and Camp David just moping around like a regular dog but eavesdropping on any foreign diplomats like the Russians. Obviously they taught me the language so I spoke fluent russian as well as English. They'd let their guard down and chat about their plans and intentions and I'd tell my CIA handler at a daily debrief." Englishman: "Wow, that's amazing!" Dog: "It was a pretty good life I have to say, they bought me an amazing condo kennel with a little pool outside, I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie and I had the best grub you could eat." Englishman: "So what are you doing here?" Dog: "Ah, you know how it is, I got a bit bored and homesick so after a couple of years of good service they arranged for me to come back home. The man who lives here picked me up at the Dublin cat and dog shelter." At that moment the man came back in the yard and the Englishman can't help himself.. Englishman: "Good god, man! Why on earth are you selling a dog like this for only €20?!" The Irishman replies, "Sure he's a lying cunt, he never did any of that shit." Edited April 19 by Howmanheyman 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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