ewerk 30598 Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 5 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: My wife says the salads I make tend to be a bit on the “dry” side. It’s definitely something that needs addressing 2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Mrs. F. walked out on me a month ago because she caught me groping bags of pasta. I miss her so much. I’ve been feeling cannelloni. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 4 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Mrs. F. walked out on me a month ago because she caught me groping bags of pasta. I miss her so much. I’ve been feeling cannelloni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 I swallowed a bottle of invisible ink yesterday so went to A&E. Waited 8 hours before anyone could see me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted July 12, 2023 Author Share Posted July 12, 2023 Just been to visit my friends’ new baby. They asked me if I wanted to wind him. I thought that was a bit harsh, so I just gave him a dead leg. 8 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted August 11, 2023 Share Posted August 11, 2023 Just got back from the small claims court where I took the ferry company to task about our missing baggage from the recent holiday. Lost my case. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted August 12, 2023 Share Posted August 12, 2023 14 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: our missing baggage No way to speak about Mrs F 🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted August 12, 2023 Share Posted August 12, 2023 My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3892 Posted August 12, 2023 Share Posted August 12, 2023 4 hours ago, wykikitoon said: My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care Have you asked Gary Delaney if you can use that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33166 Posted August 12, 2023 Share Posted August 12, 2023 12 minutes ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said: Have you asked Gary Delaney if you can use that? He did, Gaz was cush about it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 2, 2023 Author Share Posted September 2, 2023 Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colour blind. The diagnosis came right out of the purple 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 I had a pretty traumatic time recently when a close friend was involved in a car accident. Luckily we were able to pull them out, but they had terrible injuries and had lost a lot of blood. When the ambulance turned up they wanted to administer a transfusion, but none of us knew the blood group of our poor, now departed, friend. What will always stay with me though, as they slowly passed away, was their amazing attitude, despite the circumstances. They just kept shouting “ Be Positive! Be positive!” Terrible way to go 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35077 Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 19, 2023 Author Share Posted September 19, 2023 I've got a job making plastic Draculas. Problem is there are only two of us on the production line so I've go to make every second Count. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted September 19, 2023 Share Posted September 19, 2023 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted September 19, 2023 Share Posted September 19, 2023 3 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: I've got a job making plastic Draculas. Problem is there are only two of us on the production line so I've go to make every second Count. Fangs for that, now … 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted September 19, 2023 Share Posted September 19, 2023 Blonde gets knocked off her bike by a bus. The paramedic arrives and as he’s checking her over he holds up his hand and says ” How many fingers have I got up?l Blonde “ Oh my God, I can’t feel any- I’m paralysed aren’t I?” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginolaandtonic 169 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 My wife’s gone to Scandinavia Norway? Yes way. My wife’s gone to India Mumbai? No her father paid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42412 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 Wifey walks in the hairdressers in Ashington. “ What style do want pet?” ” Can I have it curled please?” ” Aye, I just gan erpen the winderr “ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 11374 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 12 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Blonde gets knocked off her bike by a bus. The paramedic arrives and as he’s checking her over he holds up his hand and says ” How many fingers have I got up?l Blonde “ Oh my God, I can’t feel any- I’m paralysed aren’t I?” 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: Wifey walks in the hairdressers in Ashington. “ What style do want pet?” ” Can I have it curled please?” ” Aye, I just gan erpen the winderr “ 1 hour ago, Ginolaandtonic said: My wife’s gone to Scandinavia Norway? Yes way. My wife’s gone to India Mumbai? No her father paid. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35077 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 5 hours ago, Ginolaandtonic said: My wife’s gone to Scandinavia Norway? Yes way. My wife’s gone to India Mumbai? No her father paid. My wife’s gone to the Caribbean. Jamaica? No, she went of her own accord 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44851 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 Where did your wife go on holiday? Alaska. Don't worry about it, I'm not that bothered. She's your wife ffs. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44851 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 Seriously, do you think I GIVE A FUCK where your wife went on holiday?! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginolaandtonic 169 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 41 minutes ago, Alex said: My wife’s gone to the Caribbean. Jamaica? No, she went of her own accord My wife’s just got back from Swanage In Dorset? Yes she’d thoroughly recommend it 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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