Howmanheyman 33196 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 The Wife asked for a breast implant op to increase the size of her jubblies as her mothers day present. I told her to just save the money and just rub some paper between her cleavage instead. 'Will that work?', she said. 'It's worked wonders on your arsehole.' I replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13866 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 The Wife asked for a breast implant op to increase the size of her jubblies as her mothers day present. I told her to just save the money and just rub some paper between her cleavage instead. 'Will that work?', she said. 'It's worked wonders on your arsehole.' I replied. I know the clocks went back but I didn't realise we went back to 1976 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33196 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I know the clocks went back but I didn't realise we went back to 1976Suck it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13866 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I know the clocks went back but I didn't realise we went back to 1976 They went forward, mate. You thick shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33196 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 They went forward, mate. You thick shit.Back to the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flora 0 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"She replies, "Soup and ice cream." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35079 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Deserves the flora treatment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Ban! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Deserves the flora treatment I know it was Wacky and I know it was typically Wacky, but I can't for the life of me remember the rest of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 He was having some kind of argument with the gf and rubbed flora covered toast/bread in her face iirc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 He was having some kind of argument with the gf and rubbed flora covered toast/bread in her face iirc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 I'm defo putting that on my list of things to do this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35079 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Might be wrong but I seem to remember it being the whole tub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21921 Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 blast from the past. was he an actual dwarf or just vertically challenged? we need a toontastic edition of 'where are they now?' leazesmag - last seen asking a radiator in St Nicholas Hospital to answer a simple question Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21623 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 blast from the past. was he an actual dwarf or just vertically challenged? we need a toontastic edition of 'where are they now?' leazesmag - last seen asking a radiator in St Nicholas Hospital to answer a simple question That would be a great thread tbf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33196 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 blast from the past. was he an actual dwarf or just vertically challenged? we need a toontastic edition of 'where are they now?' leazesmag - last seen asking a radiator in St Nicholas Hospital to answer a simple question Wacky is Karlheinzrumenigge on Twitter. I last saw him and said hello a couple of years ago in a clerb round ours. He's smaller than me but not a dwarf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Wacky is Karlheinzrumenigge on Twitter. I last saw him and said hello a couple of years ago in a clerb round ours. He's smaller than me but not a dwarf. Just checked his twitter feed. All a little UKIP isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30610 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 That's putting it generously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Always liked Wacky too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7027 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Watched Total Recall for the very first time last night, what an excellent film. Can't believe all these years I thought it was about a contaminated batch of toothpaste! (nicked from RTG :lol:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfy 12 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 A security firm has has to downgrade due to cuts. They now use strong boxes strapped to donkeys when collecting takings. They're now called secureor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Well that's ruined my weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfy 12 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) A tiger walks into a pub followed by a lion, a grizzly bear and a kangeroo. All the people in the pub scream and run for their lives and very soon the pub is empty, apart from these 4 animals. The tiger shouts, "what the matter with everyone? It's as if we're being treated like gangsters or something." The barman shouts, "It's not that...it's due to the fact that you're wild animals and have fearsome reputations." The kangeroo is livid and pipes in. "ermmm, excuse me mister but don't lump me in with those three. I'm not looked on as having any fearsome reputation, so how about leaving me out of it." The tiger, the lion and the bear stare the kangeroo out and start threatening him, but the kangeroo stands his ground and says, "I'm not scared of any of you lot, so don't try and intimidate me, or the boxing gloves will be out and then we'll see who's got the bottle." All the other animals ignore the kangeroo and all order a pint of beer each and go and sit over in the far corner, leaving the kangeroo at the bar with the barman. The barman says, " what you having?" The kangeroo says, " ahhh just do me a pint of the old amber nectar." The barman says, " what's that like?" And the kangeroo says, " it's Fosters lager, man, what do you think it is?" The barman notices that the kangeroo is talking like a geordie and says, " how come you've got a sort of geordie accent?" And the kangeroo says, " because I've lived in Newcastle for years man, plus I'm a Newcastle united fan." Just as he said that, all the other animals looked over, after over hearing the kangeroo mention that he's a Newcastle fan and the tiger shouts, " I think you'd better leave the pub mate if you know what's good for you, because we're mackems and we're all gonna jump yeah and beat the crap out of yeah, plus bite you all over and leave you in a mess." The barman starts to crap himself and says, " ahhh come on mate, you'll have to leave or my pubs gonna end up a shambles. The kangeroo shouts, " nahhhh...do you have any boxing gloves behind that bar, or anywher in this pub, because I'll show you what I do to animals like that who threaten me." The barman, by this time is absolutely trembling with fear and mumbles " I'mmmmm.....I'mmmmmmmm sssss....sss...ssssorry Mr kangeroo but I don't have any boxing gloves in here." The kangeroo looks at the barman and says, " ahh well, never mind. I just thought you might have had a pair." Just then, the kangeroo hopped out and went home for his supper, leaving the other three to just talk about all kinds of stuff really. The end. Edited May 21, 2017 by wolfy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Your other stuff is funnier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfy 12 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) A moth sees the light on at a dentists. The moth flies over and manages to get into the little open gap in the window then started fluttering around the light that the dentist uses to shine over the victim/patient. The dentist asked the moth why he was in there flying around the light, but the moth just kept fluttering around the light. 44 times the dentist asked the moth why he was fluttering around the light and 44 times the moth just kept on fluttering. It turned out that the dentist didn't realise that the moth couldn't actually talk. It also turns out that my jokes are absolutely crap and aren't really even a joke. Edited May 21, 2017 by wolfy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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