Dr Gloom 21909 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 i'll get things going... i was in a car accident today i hit the motor in front of me. a dwarf got out and said "i'm not happy" i said "so which one are you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeazesMag 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 just ordered a chinese. The chinese delivery guy turned up at my door and said "£20 please". I smiled and said "can you tell me the name of Jordan's son?" He said "harfey price". I replied "cheers ting tong, here's a tenner now fuck off" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 As I walked into my local shop the other day, some bloke attacked me with some milk, cheese, yogurt and cream.. I thought 'How Dairy?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc-mag 1 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 As I walked into my local shop the other day, some bloke attacked me with some milk, cheese, yogurt and cream.. I thought 'How Dairy?' Class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21909 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 a woman checking herself out in the bedroom mirror says to her husband: "i'm fat, my tits are droopy and i'm covered in cellulite. pay me a compliment will you?" the husband replies "well your eyesight is fucking brilliant!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 As I walked into my local shop the other day, some bloke attacked me with some milk, cheese, yogurt and cream.. I thought 'How Dairy?' Class. Courtesy of a friend on FB who normally posts a joke each day, it did make me chuckle Whats up anyway Dr, feeling especially gloomy today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 (edited) When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults Q. A blonde had used up all of her sick days so what did she do? A. She called in dead. Edited November 19, 2010 by Toonraider Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21909 Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 As I walked into my local shop the other day, some bloke attacked me with some milk, cheese, yogurt and cream.. I thought 'How Dairy?' Class. Courtesy of a friend on FB who normally posts a joke each day, it did make me chuckle Whats up anyway Dr, feeling especially gloomy today? nah; it's friday baby! nowt to be gloomy about (until the bolton result comes in or i'm forced to sit through x factor by the wife) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobH 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Velcro, what a rip off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here What is a water otter? A kettle Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.' Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car There was once a small snail who always dreamed of becoming a race-car driver. One day he heard that an uncle of his had died and left him some money! Now his dream could be realized! He bought himself a car, souped it up, and then painted a large red "S" on it. When he was at his first race, a friend of his asked him why he had painted the big red "S" on the car? Simple, the snail replied when people see my car go zooming down the, track I want them all to exclaim: Oh look!! See the S car go!!!!!!!!!!!! Wife: What do you mean coming home half drunk at this time of night? Husband: It's not my fault - I ran out of money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 just ordered a chinese. The chinese delivery guy turned up at my door and said "£20 please". I smiled and said "can you tell me the name of Jordan's son?" He said "harfey price". I replied "cheers ting tong, here's a tenner now fuck off" Keep up man... http://www.toontastic.net/board/index.php?...st&p=805185 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17237 Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Prince Harry is fuming about the upcoming royal wedding.....apparently it's family only Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 Just hired an eastern european cleaner. Took her five hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Walking along the pavement, I got sprayed by a snow plough. "Bastard" I said, through gritted teeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44771 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep pan, crisp and even. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44771 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 What's two inches long and goes in one direction? Louis Walsh's cock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 A man walks into a bar - the barman says "why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monroe Transfer 0 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Walking along the pavement, I got sprayed by a snow plough. "Bastard" I said, through gritted teeth Weeping Jesus Henry Christ on a bike, that is truly up there with the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42339 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 BBC News: 'Many Gangs Are Using Pitbulls Rather Than Knives'. Eurgh, how hairy must their toast be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42339 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Vincent van Gogh is having a pint. Gaugin comes in and says, " Alright Vinny, fancy a beer" Van Gogh-" No thanks, I've got one 'ere" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Walking along the pavement, I got sprayed by a snow plough. "Bastard" I said, through gritted teeth Weeping Jesus Henry Christ on a bike, that is truly up there with the worst. Im merely doing what the thread title says! But I thought it was good....even though it was posted on my FB by a mackem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Apparently, if you put your location as Newcastle on facebook, you get a 'like' button after every word. :-/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20105 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Walking along the pavement, I got sprayed by a snow plough. "Bastard" I said, through gritted teeth GOLD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac-Toon 1 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 What have Sam Allardyce and Ashley Peacock got in common? Neither will be attending the rovers christmas party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 4725 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 ‘I said to the gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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