Corden and everything that's wrong with "footy"

[Meenzer 15731]

Posted it in the Newcastle forum already, but it's worth repeating here. </pseudoattentionseek> Plus WSC is one of those grossly underrated sources of decent football writing - finding it in WHSmith still feels like an act of subversion at some level.

 

http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/5703/38/

 

A summer spent with James Corden

19 August ~ The World Cup may be starting to fade into memory but the banality of the tournament's TV programming hasn't. In WSC 282 (August 2010), Taylor Parkes evaluated ITV's primetime offerings

The separation of football and the intellect isn't always a wholly bad thing, but too many people make a career of it. Put that thought to the guilty men – including almost everyone who works in television – and the chances are they'll scoff. "It's only a laugh – that's what footy's all about, isn't it?" Well... no, that's not what "footy" is all about, not exclusively.

 

It's a bit of a stretch to link the media's increasingly blockheaded treatment of football to the blockheadedness of the England football team – plenty of better explanations for that. But it's all part of the same thing, really: a thickening culture of bullish arrogance, absolute pride in not thinking. This idea that it's all a bloody laugh. It's eating away at everything now, and it's only getting worse.

 

Not so long ago, a World Cup meant a few old matches or half-decent documentaries dropped into the TV schedules somewhere. All that's left now, it seems, are endless clip shows like The World Cup's Most Shocking Moments, in which creepily boyish Richard Bacon and comedy natural Peter Crouch present those overfamiliar clips (now about as "shocking" as Del Boy falling through the bar), complete with sneery, know-nothing comment from preening young comedians.

 

Colin Murray, the BBC's new golden boy, turned the nightly highlights show into another backslapping gagfest, largely dispensing with match analysis in favour of feeble home-brew humour: footballers, we learnt, have amusing haircuts and sometimes dive unconvincingly. Lee Dixon laughed, at least.

 

The never-more-visible James Corden, like Murray and his backroom team of would-be comedy legends, suffers from that curious hubris which convinces every media oddjob they're some kind of polymath. Corden may be a passable actor, but he's not a naturally funny man nor a very likeable personality, and even he must be sick of the sight of himself.

 

Yet ITV, having paid £6 million for his services, devised a show for Corden to front with his quick wit and personal charm and broadcast the results at prime time for the duration of the tournament. And with sapping inevitability, James Corden's World Cup Live was truly, truly horrible, a cack-handed cross between Soccer AM's infantilism and TFI Friday's Class A shoutiness.

 

Abbey Clancy was hired to do what Abbey Clancy does; the backroom boys worked out some skits about how Uruguay's players had long hair and looked like girls; a polo-shirted audience whooped with well-marshalled efficiency. "Lovely stuff!" barked Corden, banging his cards on the desk. Somewhere in Britain, another library closed.

 

Ex-footballers with nothing better to do squeezed onto the sofa with sort-of celebs like Denise van Outen and Pixie Lott, the kind of people no one really cares about, without whom no TV show is commissioned ("Have you been watching the World Cup, Pixie?" probed our fearless host. "Well, I saw the England game," giggled the vacant Lott).

 

In the aftermath of England v Algeria, Adrian Chiles trailed the show with a rather hopeful link: "If anyone can cheer you up after that performance, it's James Corden." I stuck around but somehow wasn't cheered – instead I felt my immune system trying to reject my brain. Almost inevitably, Russell Brand appeared. He said things like "jizz" and "ballbag", and everybody whooped again. Baffling to me, but then I'm not part of the football demographic. I know this because I have no urge to drink oddly-coloured alcopops after watching a man barge in for a shit while his wife is in the bath.

 

Amid the gormless triumphalism that followed England's win over Slovenia, someone called Jack Whitehall (an instantly loathsome fluff-bearded whelp with a voice so hatefully smug and plummy he may have been a Class War plant) cracked a joke about how Germans are Nazis which would have offended Spitfire Ale's admen. We got a real celebrity at last, Shakira joining JC and his ego in a grotesque salsa dance-off, the only humorous element of which was the fact that Corden is overweight, and thus looked "funny" shaking his booty next to a lithe professional dancer. While the man's entitled (some would say forced) to pick up laughs in any way he can, this relentless belly-flaunting which is Corden's main comedic thrust throws a curious light on his recent spat with poor old Patrick Stewart, who earned himself a volley of abuse for a lame crack about Corden's size at an awards ceremony . "Christ almighty," Stewart must have thought. "Hattie Jacques was never like this."

 

However obnoxiously ambitious he may be, there's something of the puppy dog about James Corden: no idea of his own limitations, never sensing when people are sick of him, responding to admonishment with hurt incredulity. You almost feel for him – underneath the insecure bluster, he may even be a nice guy. But no one's forcing him to carry on like this, loudmouthed and bovine, everyone's mate, greeting the half-witted cracks of his guests with false, desperate laughter. No one's forcing him to breathe all over everything; to become, as he has, as ubiquitous as sadness.

 

And what he has to realise now, as he weeps over England's exit, is that he's part of the problem. Sure, it's only a laugh – but this overbearing oafishness bolsters the culture which has England stinking out one tournament after another, bullishly arrogant, proud of not thinking. Corden would probably scoff at the thought, but I guess you have a different perspective when you're making a career of it.

Edited August 24, 2010 by Meenzer

[Sonatine 11565]

In the aftermath of England v Algeria, Adrian Chiles trailed the show with a rather hopeful link: "If anyone can cheer you up after that performance, it's James Corden." I stuck around but somehow wasn't cheered – instead I felt my immune system trying to reject my brain. Almost inevitably, Russell Brand appeared. He said things like "jizz" and "ballbag", and everybody whooped again. Baffling to me, but then I'm not part of the football demographic. I know this because I have no urge to drink oddly-coloured alcopops after watching a man barge in for a shit while his wife is in the bath.

 

Excellent

[Guest alex]

Canny assessment like. It's a bit like the telly's football programmes have cottoned onto 'the loaded generation' a decade or so too late. I'm surprised that it fails to mention the guests he had on after the England - USA match though - the utterly bewildering choice of Katy Perry, purely by virtue of her being American presumably, and Simon Cowell. That's actually the only one I caught more than five seconds of.

[Meenzer 15731]

the utterly bewildering choice of Katy Perry, purely by virtue of her being American presumably

And shagging Russell Brand, since that's the benchmark for comedy these days. (Brand, not shagging him - although...)

[Guest alex]

And having a shit single just out now I think about it.

[Guest Tuco Ramirez]

So true

 

He claims to be a West Ham fan, I bet if you questioned him, he wouldn't know his Kevin Keen's from his Roy Keane. I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game. Give me Terry Venables and Jimmy Hill rowing after every England game any day over the wank we have to endure now.

 

It's all part of the dismantling of support that began in the early 90's, when it became accessible to all. It's too comfy now, too poncified, the match day experience for all of our comforts is 1% of what it was in the 80's. I remember walking past Big Luke's the day we played Spurs in 88 and Leeds in 89, beautiful sunny summers days, loads of people around total excitement and anticipation for our first game, lets be honest, we NEVER get that now, apart from against the mackems. The game has systematically been taken away from the proper fans.

[Guest alex]

So true

 

He claims to be a West Ham fan, I bet if you questioned him, he wouldn't know his Kevin Keen's from his Roy Keane. I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game. Give me Terry Venables and Jimmy Hill rowing after every England game any day over the wank we have to endure now.

 

It's all part of the dismantling of support that began in the early 90's, when it became accessible to all. It's too comfy now, too poncified, the match day experience for all of our comforts is 1% of what it was in the 80's. I remember walking past Big Luke's the day we played Spurs in 88 and Leeds in 89, beautiful sunny summers days, loads of people around total excitement and anticipation for our first game, lets be honest, we NEVER get that now, apart from against the mackems. The game has systematically been taken away from the proper fans.

It's a change in society in general though. Not sure what you could do about that. I agree with what you're saying but football had to change too. Especially post-Hillsborough. None of which excuses stuff like the OP. Tim Lovejoy sums it up for me. Banal shite. I'd almost have The Saint and Greavsie back on.

[Guest Tuco Ramirez]

So true

 

He claims to be a West Ham fan, I bet if you questioned him, he wouldn't know his Kevin Keen's from his Roy Keane. I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game. Give me Terry Venables and Jimmy Hill rowing after every England game any day over the wank we have to endure now.

 

It's all part of the dismantling of support that began in the early 90's, when it became accessible to all. It's too comfy now, too poncified, the match day experience for all of our comforts is 1% of what it was in the 80's. I remember walking past Big Luke's the day we played Spurs in 88 and Leeds in 89, beautiful sunny summers days, loads of people around total excitement and anticipation for our first game, lets be honest, we NEVER get that now, apart from against the mackems. The game has systematically been taken away from the proper fans.

It's a change in society in general though. Not sure what you could do about that. I agree with what you're saying but football had to change too. Especially post-Hillsborough. None of which excuses stuff like the OP. Tim Lovejoy sums it up for me. Banal shite. I'd almost have The Saint and Greavsie back on.

"Yes James I quite agree."

Edited August 24, 2010 by Tuco Ramirez

[Dr Gloom 22182]

Abbey Clancy was hired to do what Abbey Clancy does; the backroom boys worked out some skits about how Uruguay's players had long hair and looked like girls; a polo-shirted audience whooped with well-marshalled efficiency. "Lovely stuff!" barked Corden, banging his cards on the desk. Somewhere in Britain, another library closed.

 

 

[Meenzer 15731]

Aye, that's the thing. The change had to happen from a safety perspective and it's hard to argue too much with that, but I think the way Stevie puts it - "I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game" - explains a lot about his persona on here, he wouldn't need to be half as provocative or extreme if there wasn't so much utter bullshit being spouted at the other end of the spectrum. Both in the media and on internet forums everywhere.

Edited August 24, 2010 by Meenzer

[Barney 0]

I saw about 3 minutes of the one where the lad called the Germans Nazis.

 

Funny stuff. I changed channel.

[Meenzer 15731]

I saw about 3 minutes of the one where the lad called the Germans Nazis.

 

Funny stuff. I changed channel.

 

I just wish one of the other guests would properly kick off when something like that happens. ITV wouldn't be expecting anyone on any of their shows to actually have an opinion on something, so you'd have at least a minute or two to vent your spleen and utterly destroy pricks like that.

[Guest Tuco Ramirez]

Aye, that's the thing. The change had to happen from a safety perspective and it's hard to argue too much with that, but I think the way Stevie puts it - "I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game" - explains a lot about his persona on here, he wouldn't need to be half as provocative or extreme if there wasn't so much utter bullshit being spouted at the other end of the spectrum. Both in the media and on internet forums everywhere.

Prvocative? Extreme?

[Meenzer 15731]

Aye, that's the thing. The change had to happen from a safety perspective and it's hard to argue too much with that, but I think the way Stevie puts it - "I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game" - explains a lot about his persona on here, he wouldn't need to be half as provocative or extreme if there wasn't so much utter bullshit being spouted at the other end of the spectrum. Both in the media and on internet forums everywhere.

Prvocative? Extreme?

All meant in the best possible taste, dahling.

[Guest Tuco Ramirez]

Aye, that's the thing. The change had to happen from a safety perspective and it's hard to argue too much with that, but I think the way Stevie puts it - "I appreciate I may come across as an uber fan and I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just fed up to the back teeth of listening to shit comedians talk cringeworthy wank about the game" - explains a lot about his persona on here, he wouldn't need to be half as provocative or extreme if there wasn't so much utter bullshit being spouted at the other end of the spectrum. Both in the media and on internet forums everywhere.

Prvocative? Extreme?

All meant in the best possible taste, dahling.

You make me sound like Harry The Dog.

[Happy Face 29]

I just wish one of the other guests would properly kick off when something like that happens.

 

Reminds me how Harry Conick Jr pulled up that talent show in Australia for the "hilarious" Jackson Jive black face tribute.

[Barney 0]

I saw about 3 minutes of the one where the lad called the Germans Nazis.

 

Funny stuff. I changed channel.

 

I just wish one of the other guests would properly kick off when something like that happens. ITV wouldn't be expecting anyone on any of their shows to actually have an opinion on something, so you'd have at least a minute or two to vent your spleen and utterly destroy pricks like that.

 

Yeah, no fucking chance though. They're all there to mug to the camera and sell whatever shite they're currently hawking. Surprised there was no apology on air from Corden actually. Just giggled it off. Fat mess.

[ewerk 31221]

I agree on Jack Whitehall, I'm not sure what he thinks he has done to justify being so fucking smug.

[Park Life 71]

Once you're on telly you can get away with anything. The people at large aren't really that discerning basically.

[Sima 0]

The whole "Lads" culture thing that accompanys football these days is the most cringeworthy tbh.

 

Football has become way too common culture now. Before, 99% of football related stories were related to actually the game itself. Now, you would be lucky if it was 50%. The amount of column inches wasted on "Oooh, what's Abbey going to do now???" and "Forgiving Tony takes back John"

 

Just fuck off and give us our game back you fucking parasites.

[Guest Tuco Ramirez]

The whole "Lads" culture thing that accompanys football these days is the most cringeworthy tbh.

 

Football has become way too common culture now. Before, 99% of football related stories were related to actually the game itself. Now, you would be lucky if it was 50%. The amount of column inches wasted on "Oooh, what's Abbey going to do now???" and "Forgiving Tony takes back John"

 

Just fuck off and give us our game back you fucking parasites.

Good post. Soccer AM optimises it. Tony Blair. Fuckin

[Brock Manson 0]

Corden is everything that's wrong with television, end of.

[DanTheMan 0]

I absolutely loved Fantasy Football, but I wonder whether it was the Pandara's Box for laddish rubbish like Cordon and Lovejoy.

Edited August 24, 2010 by DanTheMan

[Happy Face 29]

I absolutely loved Fantasy Football, but I wonder whether it was the Pandaro's Box for laddish rubbish like Cordon and Lovejoy.

 

It's a fine line many producers can't distinguish. Baddiel and Skinner and Danny Baker and Danny Kelly know an absolute shitload about the game and they use their knoweldge and shape their comedy around it.

 

Corden and Richard Bacon know fuck all and are brought in to do inane shows for people who only like football once every 4 years....they frame their references for people with that level of knowledge.

[Guest alex]

I absolutely loved Fantasy Football, but I wonder whether it was the Pandaro's Box for laddish rubbish like Cordon and Lovejoy.

 

It's a fine line many producers can't distinguish. Baddiel and Skinner and Danny Baker and Danny Kelly know an absolute shitload about the game and they use their knoweldge and shape their comedy around it.

 

Corden and Richard Bacon know fuck all and are brought in to do inane shows for people who only like football once every 4 years....they frame their references for people with that level of knowledge.

Nicely summed up. Richard Bacon once admitted he'd never played a game of football in his life. Not even a kickabout down the park. A bit like HTT