Alex 35083 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) Far too well written again like. Remember that Alan D'Oliver parody account btw? Always going on about how Steve Watson or 'archetypal Geordie' Lee Clark would walk to St James' Park backwards on his hands on broken glass if they got the call, and shit like that Edited October 23, 2014 by Alex 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essembeeofsunderland 811 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Lee Clark.Cut him and he'll bleed black and white.......and red and white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35083 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Here's Buffy the Thread Slayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Lee Clark.Cut him and he'll bleed black and white.......and red and white. Here's Buffy the Thread Slayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15527 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Lee Clark.Cut him and he'll bleed black and white.......and red and white. You are the worst at everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33219 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Here's Buffy the Thread Slayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Kelly 1245 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I don't think the weeping jesus smiley covers it any more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10857 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I don't think the weeping jesus smiley covers it any more! True enough, but I don't think there's an accurate smiley to properly reflect my consternation/confusion/WhutTheFuck-age I feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Kelly 1245 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Aye, my vocabulary isn't sufficient to properly express me feelings either. Which is a coincidence since most makems vocabulary isn't sufficient either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13869 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 If you cut Lee Clark open and count the rings, you can tell how old he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Aye, my vocabulary isn't sufficient to properly express me feelings either. Which is a coincidence since most makems vocabulary isn't sufficient either Alot like Niall 'Drunk driver' Quinn when he got stopped for drink driving, his vocabulary was probably very limited that night as well the mackems see him as a saint though but I know he once thought about nicking a packet of beef flavour transform-a-snacks from a corner shop, he didn't even think about the space raiders that are way better. The mackems don't know that he doesn't even like blue pop. They like Djibril Cisse don't they? He hit his wife once, drunk driver Quinn likes scum players. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Kelly 1245 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Alot like Niall 'Drunk driver' Quinn when he got stopped for drink driving, his vocabulary was probably very limited that night as well the mackems see him as a saint though but I know he once thought about nicking a packet of beef flavour transform-a-snacks from a corner shop, he didn't even think about the space raiders that are way better. The mackems don't know that he doesn't even like blue pop. They like Djibril Cisse don't they? He hit his wife once, drunk driver Quinn likes scum players.I actually did hear that Quinn's language was very choice when he got arrested for drink driving. The makems actually know this but refuse to believe it. I'm sure some of them beleive he put money in the swear box at the hospital because he's just that good a guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I'm sure he was a right plight, pity we didn't get a Mel Gibson style meltdown out of him that we could hoy up anytime they gas on about horse punching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33219 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 23/10/2014 Things getting heavy again, Ahm starting to think I might be an engendered, err, endangeroused, a nearly extinct reporter! First off was me in the office chewing the fat with the new Office Junior, John Gibson's nephew, Alan. I was just saying that yeah, Supermac was a great striker for United but interviewing him takes ages as he fucking drones on and fucking on veering off the subject when all of a sudden.....CRASH!!! A quarter full bottle of Bells whiskey whizzes past just missing my napper and crashes against the wall! It was thrown by the elder Gibson! "Don't ever fucking call Mac again, y'baldy bastard, I''l tell yer this, we've had more patter off him and more nights out together than you'll ever have with that fucking useless sun-tanned, gormless grinning, fist waving, fucking coco the clown, Steven fucking Taylor!" I'm foaming at the old drunken tosspot but manage to calm down as he's getting on and is my Gaffer. I don't think he realises how close he was to getting a mouthful of Ryder knuckle! Anyway, I look at young Gibbo and think that'll be me chucking bottles of Peroni about in a few years time and young Gibson will get what Uncle Gibbo didn't. Anyhows, all this was just a very small taster to the main event, the dangerous times of a regional investigative sports journalist on the United beat. I leave Thomson house into a foggy Tyneside night after staying late to finish off Supermouth's ramblings when ah take a quick look at my phone, all of a sudden ah hears a blaring BBBEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!!!! and jump out the way of a car that nearly hits me full on! Ah get up dazed only to see a blokey look out his window shaking his fist and shouting, "Look where you gannin you fucking stupid baldy bastard!!" before whizzing off! Wow! Serious stuff, man. I'm obviously starting to get too near to the truth for somebodies liking. Obviously someones rattled and the heavies have even managed to somehow track me down to my workplace to put the frighteners on. Not sure if it could be related to 'Hairgel-gate' or not, maybe Wendy Taylor's lad has read the body language between me and her and is warning me off. Hard to say, but after being shaken, ah gets up and dusts myself down with a real determination not to get intimidated, Ah never ran at Leeds and ah wont run now. If Lee Ryder was a country ah'd be twinned with Jason Bourne which is canny approp....apoppr.......makes sense right now. Laters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30611 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 There's definite potential for a series here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 :lol: Laughed the whole way through, it now has it's own inside jokes and it successfully predicted the Steven Taylor exclusive Lee put out today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7029 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Remember when he went all 'Steve Wraith' on Stevie 'We know who you are son...' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33219 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Remember when he went all 'Steve Wraith' on Stevie 'We know who you are son...' Good call. I'll squeeze him in somewhere, I'm sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35083 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Good call. I'll squeeze him in somewhere, I'm sure. Don't fucking forget to fucking mention that fucking true fucking Geordie fucking character. And how he tries to look hard, but just looks like he's passing a hard shit. Waaatz that aal aboot? As he would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Don't fucking forget to fucking mention that fucking true fucking Geordie fucking character. And how he tries to look hard, but just looks like he's passing a hard shit. Waaatz that aal aboot? As he would say. I'd totally blocked that bellend from my memory, does he still do his daft videos? my mate used to send me them all the time on facebook before I told him to pack it in, the last one I saw was him reviewing the playstation 4 as if we needed his brilliant insight into other areas of the world. Oh aye HMHM may as well get that Geordie dancer bloke involved as well, and the horse puncher... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35083 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) Aye, he still does the videos. I only know because if you try and google the highlights / goals of our match you'll quite often get him on page one of the results giving his insight in a 'no nonsense' (i.e. sweary / constipated) manner. Edited October 24, 2014 by Alex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 No nonsense wouldn't be complete without plenty of hard breathing through the nose as well. I just looked him up on facebook and he's now seemingly moved on to gassing on about other teams now, listed as a news personality in all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33219 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 24/10/2014 Well ah had a piece from Tayls the other day, then yesterday ah done a bit on Supermac so was struggling a bit with what to do today? I thought of going all Caulkin and Bird and mebbees tracking down some of Ashley's business ventures but ah've five-a-side tonight and didn't want to risk missing the kick off at six bells so I got out Alan Oliver's little 'desperate black book' he left me when he fucked off to The People and sharp came to the letter 'B'. Craig Bellamy told me to never fucking ring his house again or he'd gouge the eyes out of my stupid fucking baldy head but luckily Lee Bowyer had a spare five minutes so I had a quick chat with him instead. Anyways, that only took 'iz all of ten minutes to write up so FC ncjmedia could mop their brows with relief as midfield maestro Ryder will be ok to pull the strings which is bad fucking news for 'Big Al's Balls' who we take on later tonight. Also great for my readers who get to hear the views of another NUFC legend, Bowyer, brought to them by yours truly. As ah had a spare half hour ah thought ah'd preview the Spurs game on a video blog. Ah'm fully aware we are now in a multi media age and the days of the old 'Pink' are long gone so ah get my views videoed and put online, I check out the hits and am a bit gobsmacked that the 'True Geordie' gets more hits than me! Fair enough, ah knaa that most of them will just be laughing at the foul mouthed, daft baldy bastard who talks shite because for real in-depth analysis they'll listen to me later who of course is fuck all like the fucking so-called 'True Geordie'. (Never saw the cunt at Filbert Street when it kicked off, like. Still probably watching the Power Rangers on children's ITV at the time the baldy prick). Anyway, early start at the Eldon Square active league tonight so this is Lee Ryder signing off. Sweet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 24/10/2014 Well ah had a piece from Tayls the other day, then yesterday ah done a bit on Supermac so was struggling a bit with what to do today? I thought of going all Caulkin and Bird and mebbees tracking down some of Ashley's business ventures but ah've five-a-side tonight and didn't want to risk missing the kick off at six bells so I got out Alan Oliver's little 'desperate black book' he left me when he fucked off to The People and sharp came to the letter 'B'. Craig Bellamy told me to never fucking ring his house again or he'd gouge the eyes out of my stupid fucking baldy head but luckily Lee Bowyer had a spare five minutes so I had a quick chat with him instead. Anyways, that only took 'iz all of ten minutes to write up so FC ncjmedia could mop their brows with relief as midfield maestro Ryder will be ok to pull the strings which is bad fucking news for 'Big Al's Balls' who we take on later tonight. Also great for my readers who get to hear the views of another NUFC legend, Bowyer, brought to them by yours truly. As ah had a spare half hour ah thought ah'd preview the Spurs game on a video blog. Ah'm fully aware we are now in a multi media age and the days of the old 'Pink' are long gone so ah get my views videoed and put online, I check out the hits and am a bit gobsmacked that the 'True Geordie' gets more hits than me! Fair enough, ah knaa that most of them will just be laughing at the foul mouthed, daft baldy bastard who talks shite because for real in-depth analysis they'll listen to me later who of course is fuck all like the fucking so-called 'True Geordie'. (Never saw the cunt at Filbert Street when it kicked off, like. Still probably watching the Power Rangers on children's ITV at the time the baldy prick). Anyway, early start at the Eldon Square active league tonight so this is Lee Ryder signing off. Sweet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42449 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 This is absolute gold You should get it into one of the mags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now