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The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


Craig
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Lee Ryder: Newcastle United will continue to lag behind Liverpool with their current approach

 

 

Don't even know what comment to make.

:lol:

 

That's like saying Mr Ryder will continue to lag behind Henry Winter with Ryder's current approach.

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  • 4 weeks later...

 

It was John Power of Cast who conjured up Britpop lyrics that stated: “If you’ve said all you got to say, and now the words just slip away, just walk away, walk away.”
But this week, with fans at the end of their tether after a long old season, for some it has been a case of the Clash and “Should I stay or should I go?”

 

This week Kevin Keegan – the man who once released his own record Head Over Heels – showed that fans preferred to look back rather than forward as he made an emotional return to Tyneside.

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/lee-ryder-its-little-wonder-7064305

 

stl%20(3).jpg

 

It was Walkerville's own Howmanheyman who wrote, 'How the fuck does this knacker make a living out of journalism?'

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  • 3 months later...

"Lee Ryder: The five burning issues that Newcastle United need to look at this week:

.....4) Does Pardew need to give his pal José Mourinho a call for a few tips in dealing with the media?
The last thing the Toon Army want is for Pardew to be pretending he’s the Special One."
:lol:
He's fucking great, Lee Ryder. Makes Alan Oliver look polished and professional.
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"Lee Ryder: The five burning issues that Newcastle United need to look at this week:

.....4) Does Pardew need to give his pal José Mourinho a call for a few tips in dealing with the media?
The last thing the Toon Army want is for Pardew to be pretending he’s the Special One."
:lol:
He's fucking great, Lee Ryder. Makes Alan Oliver look polished and professional.

 

pmsl :spaz:

 

This guy never ever fails to attract ridicule. See they do that 28 page supplement on a Weds, 6 of those pages are literally just him babbling. Lee Ryder truly is the Paul Dummett of journalism. His gaffers are mugs, he's shit, he's a NE lad, and he'll never get any better.

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pmsl :spaz:

 

This guy never ever fails to attract ridicule. See they do that 28 page supplement on a Weds, 6 of those pages are literally just him babbling. Lee Ryder truly is the Paul Dummett of journalism. His gaffers are mugs, he's shit, he's a NE lad, and he'll never get any better.

Thought it would be up your street, Stevie. I know you're a big fan of his. :)
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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

 

20/10/2014

 

Things getting pretty serious today, after a slow start, Ah gets a ring off a NUFC snout of mine who, just like me, has had to move underground after being labelled a danger to the regime at the Cathedral on the hill, St. James' Park. He's an ex-NUFC starlet who must remain anonymous as he signed a confidentiality agreement so we meet in the murky world of North Shields in a little Italian restaurant which was recommended to me by Mr Eats in the Thomson house bait room last week. It's late as my nark comes through the door at Sambucas looking agitated. "What you got for me?" I ask him, my mouth full of the potato wedges and garlic sauce, part of the three course £3.99 special. He then tells me of a dressing room bust up between Ben Arfa and Skipper, El Capo Colo. It's pretty explosive stuff which will be on the front and back page tomorrow of the old Ronnie Gill. Apparently Colo was bending to tie his laces up when the former Fontainebleau academie sensation squeezed a tube of the Argentines hair gel straight down the crack of his arse! There was hell on and I quickly realised I had the run on the likes of Caulkin for a change. "Right! great stuff Remi! That was right up my 'Streete', here's the fifty bar I promised, if John Gibson asks, tell him it's just for the tab at The Bacchus." He just tells me to "fuck off you baldy bastard" and not mention his name again. The strain of being on the outside is obviously breaking this kid, Ryder's made of sterner stuff though. I race back to the Cloth Market to write up my latest scoop and pass ex-Toon goal assassin, Micky Quinn on the stairs. "Come 'ead, La" I smile at the Scouse number nine and he jokes back, "Fuck off, son, I've an appointment with Stella and a few of her mates and you're name's not down". Great craic, Quinny, we bounce off each other great. The North East sleeps tonight in blissful ignorance of 'Hairgel-gate' that is awaiting them in the morning, courtesy of former terrace Mag, Lee Ryder of the Evening Chronicle. I set the alarm to go off early when I get home to bed in case I get that call from Alan Brazil first thing as this just has to go national. It's been a good day.

 

 

 

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

 

21/10/2014

 

The morning after the night before so the saying goes, Ah get a text off some researcher for the Sports breakfast telling me that Alan Brazil is concentrating on a different sporting subject this morning to 'hairgel-gate' but they'll get back to me another time though. Result! Ah get ready and hot foot it down to the Presser at St. James' Park where I await the fall out from my HBA- Colo exclusive. Pards smiles and asks "How yer doing?" before it gets under way, Doug Weatherall kicks off by asking if rumours are true about the directors flying out to Turin to make a sensational bid to bring Ian Rush back to England before security take him to the cafe for a cup of tea before the care home come to take him back. Next up it's my turn, I cough and all eyes are on me, "Alan", I start, "What do you want to tell the fans about the bust up betwee....." and that's as far as I get before Wendy Taylor interrupts me, "Sorry Lee, no questions from you." So, I'm still persona non grata at NUFC. I flash my anger at Pards and see something pass between me and Wendy, there's something definitely there between us despite being on different sides of the NUFC/Thomson house divide. It's like that song, 'Nikita' by Elton John, Wendy's the beautiful blonde Soviet officer with 'eyes that look like ice on fire' and I'm Elton John on the other side of the wire. Elton John before he was a puff, anyway. The moment passes though and I head back to the office to tidy up a little filler story from Bob Moncur urging everyone to stick together. Five minutes later I'm goff. Another day another dollar on 'the United beat' as my old mentor Ollie would say. I walk down the street to my Mam's but not before I catch Donnelly from over the road staring. I swear to God, this kid is sailing in dangerous waters, here, like. He's a big lad for 16 but the kid has never had frisk down the Boleyn Ground like the frisk I once saw 100 yards in front of me one year. He needs to watch his step. Mam asks me how my day was before making my favourite dinner, mince and dumplings. When I finish I make an appointment to see Tayls tomorrow as he's a fucking goldmine for NUFC reporters. I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.

 

 

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This has legs.

 

Surely a twitter parody account at least.

 

I'd buy a tee shirt with the eventual logo on it, and wear it when I'm playing curby with Donnelly cos I'm well hard

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

 

 

22/10/2014

 

Get a text from Stevie Taylor, he wants to meet in his apartment down by the quayside so I get to check out his swanky pad and get an easy as fuck write up for the Ronny Gill as Tayls sings like a black & white canary. NUFC are stopping the players from speaking to me officially as I'm obviously too near the edge for Ashley and Charnley, I'm a loose cannon they think they can control but I hit the jackpot when I discover that Steven Taylor got his agent to put a clause in his contract where he can talk to ANY media people he likes as long as the topic is himself which is where former terrace foot soldier Ryder comes in. I sink one in the Waterline before heading to Taylor's Premier Pad. I knock on the door and eventually I hear footsteps and the door slowly opens and fuck me, I'm blinded by the most brilliant white light I've ever seen. It's like the light on the spaceship from 'Close encounters of the 3rd kind' when all the missing people come out when the hatch opens! I'm squinting my eyes like a Chinkee on speed! Finally my eyes get used to the light a bit better and I realise the insane brightness is just from Stevie Taylor's brilliant, Colgate white teeth! He has this outlandish suit on with a waistcoat and a flowery tie and a tan that would put Lenny Henry to shame. I can't help but think that Tayls is carrying on that great tradition of looking the part just like Barry Venison used to do, it's great to see. Anyway, he chats on about loving the Toon, hating the Mackems and running through brick walls for NUFC, he talks about being a caged lion when he's not getting game time and I'm thinking that this is JUST the type of stuff what our fans want to hear and Ryder delivers it to them yet again.

 

 

 

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