Howmanheyman 33162 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 "Read all about the raging debate sweeping Tyneside tonight about Colback." "The toes, Chris, the fucking toes. What did ah tell yi about trying to step on me toes? Ya feet aren't big enough to step on these fuckas." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 "Next time wait till ya baa'lls drop before you take on the Knight." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35076 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 The clip of Ryder man Get in the fucking sea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Andrew Fowler is at it now... The ratings for FIFA 16 are likely to cause talking points among Newcastle United fans http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/fifa-16-newcastle-ratings-wijnaldum-10006961 Tha not like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35076 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 ffs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 The chronicle, now reaching out to the ps3 generation. Alan Oliver spinning in his barstool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 The chronicle, now reaching out to the ps3 generation. Alan Oliver spinning in his barstool. Nice one Grandda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Nice one Grandda "Welcome to my brand new comedy club. Have you tried the English tapas? They're lovely. Wacka wacka wacka!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGingerQuiff 2412 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Lee must have ditched his diary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35076 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 "Welcome to my brand new comedy club. Have you tried the English tapas? They're lovely. Wacka wacka wacka!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 "Next time wait till ya baa'lls drop before you take on the Knight." not heard that for ages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 03/11/2015 Get up Get on up Get up Get on up Stay on the scene Like a Sex Machine. Well diary, it's been a while, ah knaa, the life of an award winning sports journalist just whizzes past like a Jack 'Ginger Pirlo' free kick. Ah've been busy on the ground ah'll season trying to get new contacts in the McClaren era NUFC, but ah still didn't quite have the same ear of Shuper schteve as ah did of The King Pards and wor John, coach Carvs. Ah did however decide to get some fresh insider blood to replace me old nark, Remi 'word-on-the' Streete because ah knew that as as much as me loyal readers love the likes of Quinny's patter, the younger fans will want to hear a current NUFC star give their views. Ah'd arranged a meet and a bung to get one of our black & white heroes on the secret Ronny Gill payroll with an insider pipeline straight through to yours truly, the Knight from the Bigg Market. The craic was we'd meet every now and then at Cafe Rouge on Grey Street so's me nark would feel safe in his own surroundings so to speak as 'Rouge' was a french word and the place was a Frog restaurant and, zut alors, me nark was from the country that gave us Platini, Napoleon and the brilliant 'allo 'allo. The craic was we'd meet up at ten bells but, not for the fist time, the mighty sword of the Knight had put a spanner in the works, ah was running late as ah'd had a secret midnight rondevoo, rendeavous, err, a meeting with one of the Polish cleaners at Thomson house who had fallen for the North Shields Valentino. Ah'd went along to her flat after she'd put ah kids to bed and tried out me 'Kamagra' tablets that were endorsed by none other than Sky Saturday legend, Chris Kamara. The pills were a viagra substitute that were a bit cheaper off the internet and ah only popped them as the lass was nee Wendy Taylor and ah'd been on the hoy earlier on so they were a back up for the always reliable 'sword of Ryder', not that ah'd need it of course! Anyways, the lass who had fell for me charms and especially me famous smooth patter had to keep getting up to change the bairns nappy and feed it it's bottle which was a right pain in the arse for yours truly, she tried to explain to me what was gannin on but she could barely understand English and eventually, at four in the morning ah managed to get a quick two minutes of tantric bliss and got to the vinegar stroke before the sprog wanted fed again. Ah got back to me ken and ah was oot like a light and slept in! Anyways, luckily for me, Sylvain was still in the Cafe when ah got there half an hour late, stinking of last nights beer, aftershave and Nadia's perfume, not to mention Cow & Gate baby milk. Ah quickly ordered what the French midfield maestro was having and jotted down the gold dust he fed me as ah fed mesel with pain perdu brioche washed doon with cafe au lait. Ah bunged £50 to 'he's' Slyvain 'he probly thinks this song is about him' and hot footed it over to Thomson house to write up a 'I'm raring to go' article from the Frenchman and then headed home to get some much needed kip. Eeee, the life of an Anglo-Italian fanny rat, eh? Lol. Laters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 By the way, can anyone make sense of the the following? French winger Sylvain Marveaux set for another chance at Newcastle United 11:45, 2 NOV 2015 UPDATED 11:45, 2 NOV 2015 BY LEE RYDER Newcastle United boss Steve McClaren will get another chance to impress in front of watching gaffer during second string run out. http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/french-winger-sylvain-marveaux-set-10371109 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He's Sylvain, he probably thinks this song is about him? :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30591 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Kelly 1244 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42406 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2978 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2204 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 oof Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/mike-ashley-invest-newcastle-united-10440945 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/kevin-keegan-well-smashed-head-10436228 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 13/11/2015 Well diary, here’s me on the top of the North-East pole when it comes to the ‘United beat’ as me old mentor Alan ‘Olly’ Oliver used to call it, on the top rung trying to keep the rest at bay, and it seems every year there’s a new pretender out to try to snatch me crown. Ah gets to work this morning and ah’d barely got me arse down on me chair when Gibbo walks up to iz with a young’un in tow. “Alreet, Gibbo? Fuck me, is it work experience already? The years flew. Is the kid on his works experience? Alreet, son? What school do yi gan tee?” Gibbo stopped iz and said that the bairn was the Ronny’s latest sports writer, a kid called Chris Waugh. Fuck me, ah thought! He’s just a bairn, but bairn or no bairn, the man, or should ah say, boy, who would be King, would soon be after my top perch at Thomson House’s Sports section. Gibbo then showed me his piece for tonight’s Chronicle where the cheeky little cunt had tried to copy the Master by writing a non-story from new coach Paul ‘Simma’ Simpson after he’d heard the Toon’s number two on BBC Newcastle’s Total sport! The wide little bastard! Ah’d have to watch this one! Ah then showed the kid my piece for tonight, going back to THAT match at Anfield and getting Pav’s take on the Collymore 4-3 defeat. The kid then said he’d heard ah was great on our club’s past great players and games. Ah gave him the Ryder glare that ah once gave to a Watford fan at Vicarage Road back in me supporting days and said, “Are yee trying to be funny, son? Trying to tek the piss or what? See that fucking award on me desk? The Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year award? Ah didn’t get that by writing stories ah heard off the wireless?” Ah actually had done that very thing but when the little twat had got me back up ah wasn’t worried aboot little details like the truth, ah then carried on, “Look here, kidda. When your balls drop, come back to iz, but for now, remember where yi are and who you’re talking to, ah’ve fried much bigger fish than yee’ll ever be!” Gibbo then jumped in and said the kid wasn’t trying to be funny and the lad himself was obviously shiting it as he stammered that he was a big fan of yours truly and meant no offence. After ah’d calmed doon ah’d realised ah probably had gone a bit overboard but the kid had to know who was the real boss was in the NUFC press pack and it was the former toon foot soldier ‘Knght’ Ryder ah’ll the fucking way! Lol. Anyways, time forra pint with me old mate, Mala, the cockeyed tosspot! Ha ha. Laters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30591 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2978 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 "Wide little bastard" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33162 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Two pieces by the Knight today both about John Carver and his thoughts about the toon from his appearance on motd extra. Cheers, Lee, I'd completely forgotten what I'd heard a few hours ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35076 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 The sozzled prick probably forgot he'd written the first one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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