Gemmill 44853 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 "leetle bit sheet, Senor Ryder" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 10/04/2015 Well diary, that was the week that was, eh? Ah was fucking gutted the luck of the Mackems kept on going for FIVE games in a row. Bad, bad times. Ah passed Mark 'Douggy' Douglas in the Thomson House nerve centre and ah had a quick deeks at his piece for the day and he was writing up about a fan protest against spurs which was doing the rounds on the internet, well ah thought, more fool him, ah knaa it's the future an that but there's some funny fuckas on there that get a bit too lippy for this former Toon foot soldiers liking, too many funny fuckas thinking they can tek the piss out of us journalists and people of importance in the region. Ah thought Douggy was on a hiding to nothing and chuckled to meself when ah noticed his phone NEVER ever rang with the movers and shakers of NUFC always finding the boy Ryder's number before anyone else in the North East media circle and ah swear to God, as soon as ah thought that me phone rang, straight away ah knew it was someone from Barrack Road as ah had all me NUFC contacts on the same ringtone! Ah answered it just as Knopfler's local hero was buzzing out of the speaker, "Trinity Mirror's number one regional sports journalist, Ryder speaking" Ah says, the voice on the other end crackled with raw emotion, "Lee, man! Ah couldn't dee it, son, ah couldn't get the win, wor kid. Ah tried me best, ah talked to the players aboot chinning di canio, ah talked about pride, ah even made them watch 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet' the one at the end where they go home and the hut gets set on fire, everything, man, ah divvent understand how we lost?!" It was Coach Carvs and he was obviously down in the dumps. Ah answered him back sharpish, "John, don't worry, man. These things happen, ah'll come down and get another quick interview off you for the fans." And another piss easy write for yours truly ah thought as Douggy was writing about internet trolls, ah'd be talking to the main men at HQ Toon. As ah got into SJP and was going to Carvs office ah could see Geordie John on his knees already, fuck me ah thought, howay, John, it's not that bad but then ah saw an outstretched hand going towards him which John then kissed. It was Charnley's hand! It was like the scene from 'The Godfather'! Just then someone noticed me and it was 'Fairs Cup in his hand' Bobby Moncur. "Lee! Lee! Just the fella! Did I tell about that balmy night in Budapest? They collapsed like a pack of cards, 'no gumption' the Gaffer said. Anyway, John's a wee bit busy the now, I tell you what though, I've just had a chat with Lee Charnley, you wouldna believe the players we'll getting in the summer, he knows there's been mistakes and the're going to rectify it and 'splash the cash' yon Charnley said. You can quote me on that!" Fucking champion, ah thought, Not only an ad hoc interview with a NUFC legend, but a 100% gold dust scoop about new signings to lift the spirits of the fans! Ah was on it right away, smiling as ah typed knowing what a boost the news would be to me loyal readers. When ah'd finished John had rang back apollo, oplag, err, said he was sorry he was busy but ah said it was alright as ah had me story ah needed, ah kept a 'We'll carry on regardless" piece for the morra off head coach Carvs as it's been fucking lovely the last couple of days and a quick finish by the morra dinner time writing up a pre-wrote Toon piece means ah could have a game of 'chip and put' in the afternoon with Mala doon the coast near St. Marys lighthouse and get the sun on me back which would be canny and ah also need to beat that cockeyed fucker as he might be bongy eyed but he's shit hot with a club and ah'm fucked if it's ganna be my turn getting the bevvy's in, again! Lol. Anyways, until next time, Ryder and out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Cockeyed Mala, golf legend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2204 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/wayne-rooney-tells-adam-armstrong-9023632? 12/04/2015 "Read all about it! Read all about it! Only in your Super Chronicle! Adam Armstrong talks exclusively to me, Lee Ryder, about his amazing conversation with England and Man U Superstar. Wayne Rooney, only in your Chronicle today!" http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3017715/Wayne-Rooney-pep-talk-inspired-young-Newcastle-hotshot-Adam-Armstrong-three-goals-two-games-England-U18s.html 30/03/2015 http://www.thefa.com/news/england/development/2015/mar/adam-armstrong-inspired-by-wayne-rooney-pep-talk-290315 29/03/2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30598 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Who can blame him? FFS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7025 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 He was shite all night. Similar to the Tiote situation. Hoping for a top 4 move but deluded at his own ability Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 He was shite all night. Similar to the Tiote situation. Hoping for a top 4 move but deluded at his own ability Footballers are odd man. Want a move so they stop bothering and play shite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sissoko can get to fuck IMO. He's reminding me of Damien Duff in that I can tolerate our players but I can't stand him. Cowardly shithouse who should never be anywhere near a captaincy. Nowhere near consistent enough to get the move he wants either. Hope he takes a step to someone like Swansea and goes to shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 he would be good surrounded by decent players, which we don't have. his attitude stinks though, which is why he's unlikely to get the move he craves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sissoko can get to fuck IMO. He's reminding me of Damien Duff in that I can tolerate our players but I can't stand him. Cowardly shithouse who should never be anywhere near a captaincy. Nowhere near consistent enough to get the move he wants either. Hope he takes a step to someone like Swansea and goes to shit.Agree fully, if he was as good as what he beleives then he should be head and shoulders above the shite around him, he simply isn't though. I can't help but feel the captaincy role was given to him in the same way it was handed to Cabaye, but I can't see how a lazy prick who thinks he's Yaya Toure in his own head is inspiring our band of winnets on to safety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/steve-howey-believes-decision-been-9080722 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 20/04/2015 Well diary, the day after THAT boycott at the Mecca on the hill at the Gallowgate. A day after Coach Carvs equalling the King's record from last year of six-in-a-row defeats. Ah decided the boycott angle would probs already get covered by Neil 'Cams' Cameron here at Thomson House so decided to cover the Coach approach, i.e, who would be the next boss man at Newcastle United, who would be the man leading the black & white troops next year. Ah had something on this already as me and John are cush and ah always have a quote on tap from the man who would be King. As ever, you have to have great contacts in this game if you want to stay ahead of the rest, me? Ah've got contacts everywhere, it's how you win awards, it's how ah see the Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year award everytime ah look on me fire mantle piece, lol. Anyways, ah gets a bell off one me non-football contacts and sometimes me best stories have come from these. The phone rang as ah was half way through watching 'football factories' on Sky. "Ryder speaking" ah says keeping it short and to the point, just like my articles. "How Lee! It's Mala! Have you been on newsnow? There's a link to a Talksport interview with Steve Howey with Alan Brazil. Reckons Carver is ganna get the job next season, like." It was me old schoolmate, cockeyed Mala, an old pal and another of Ryder's narks keeping me filled in throughout Tyne & Wear, well, mebbees not so much the Wear bit, like. Ah thanked him and said ah'd see him alreet when ah got me new glasses and he had a pint with his name on it next time ah saw him. Ah quickly logged on to me lap top and went on the talksport link of newsnow and there it was, another gold dust opportunity to fill me loyal readers in with explosive news which they'd have struggled to hear about if it wasn't for me reporting it. Ah got me story in the Ronny Gill pronto and ah hadn't even left the house! Some people work hard, but the Knight Ryder works smart, Ah'm sure Alky Brazil wouldn't mind iz using his interview and it was another piss easy bit of copy for iz in me never ending quest to keep me loyal punters up to speed with this crazy club of ours, ah'll thanks to me contacts like Mala and Newsnow. Laters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 What a fucking crease. The idea of him clicking on a newsnow link to the interview, tongue out in concentration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 "cockeyed Mala" gets me every single time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trooper 940 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 As ever very very funny cheers Hmhm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Good news for fans of Facundo Ferrerya, reports the Knight Ryder, http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/facundo-ferreyra-set-named-newcastle-9104152 So no Newcastle fans in the world then Lee, given no one has ever seen the cunt play. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12496 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 We'll be buying him no doubt, his fee further reduced as he hasn't featured in a year. Lee is simply starting to build excitement for him like the good little lap-pig that he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 like a new signing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I wouldn't be surprised if we did sign him for fuck all and had gambled that we wouldn't need to play him this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 We'll be buying him no doubt, his fee further reduced as he hasn't featured in a year. Lee is simply starting to build excitement for him like the good little lap-pig that he is. Lap-pig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/john-carver-says-time-talking-9105491? http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-uniteds-john-carver-believes-9104626#rlabs=4 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/john-carver-excited-welcoming-siem-9104564#rlabs=6 http://captiongenerator.com/36972/Knight-Ryder Edited April 24, 2015 by Howmanheyman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30598 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 'Did he think he was Bodie or fucking Doyle?!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 As Newcastle United fan throws his season ticket at dug out, would Steve McClaren step into this world? 22:15, 25 April 2015 OPINION BY LEERYDER Newcastle United are in a mess and Steve McClaren has endured plenty of stick with England and Middlesbrough, is he ready for more of the same? The man who is being talked about as a replacement for John Carver probably knows exactly how the Geordie coach is feeling right now. In Steve McClaren you have a manager who once endured a season ticket being thrown his way after a 4-0 win for Aston Villa at the Riverside back in 2006. The Boro fan sprinted 60 yards or more to make his point. Yesterday, as Newcastle’s ailing season slipped into further decline, a Newcastle fan who’d seen enough flicked his season card in the direction of Carver before it was taken away by stewards. These are the toughest of times for Carver after he found himself being spoken about in the same breath as Richard Dinnis - the last man to lose seven games in a row at Newcastle. Effectively hung out to dry by the Magpies and left to work with somebody else’s team, his dream job is in tatters right now. Shocking decisions from the boardroom and the obsession to have healthy balance sheets at St James’ Park are now being fully exposed. With an injury-hit squad that I have stated on many occasions is not fit for purpose in the Premier League it is firefighter Carver that finds himself nose to nose with an inferno of anger from Geordie supporters. As the 3-2 defeat petered out he got it in the ear from several fans as Swansea closed in on victory. His hopes of the job are slim now you’d think. But is McClaren crazy enough to step into this? He’s endured some shocking stick as England manager too yet he knows - from his time at Boro - that life is tough in the North-East. Even Sir Bobby Robson got his cards at St James’ Park. McClaren would need backing from the board with transfers and a bigger say in who comes in. Newcastle’s board talk about a “triangle” between Lee Charnley, Graham Carr and whoever is the new head coach. But until they stop putting round pegs into square holes - nobody has a chance of success at St James’. These are the toughest of times for Carver after he found himself being spoken about in the same breath as Richard Dinnis - the last man to lose seven games in a row at Newcastle. (Aye, tough one this, who was the last manager to lose seven games in a row? Richard Dinnis, eh? So, what are the odds of being compared to him? Spectacularly unfortunate of JC for people to wonder who was the last man to go on such a losing run.) JC, the Firefighter. Lee has stated on many occasions the squad isn't good enough. (Why so defensive, Lee?) His hopes of the job are now slim you'd think. (Well according to the numerous polls the Chronicle does where EVERY single one comes out against him, plus his horrendous record, yes, yes you might imagine so.) Life's that tough up here, even Bobby got his cards. (Same as he did at Fulham, PSV, Sporting Lisbon and moved out of the manager's position at Barcelona, then? Ruthless lot, these football club chairmen). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33173 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 (edited) "John Carver says he will not quit as head coach of Newcastle United and the Magpies WILL stay up" Edited April 26, 2015 by Howmanheyman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Imagine being in the position that Lee Ryder is in and only having John Carver as your main source, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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