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The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


Craig
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:lol:

 

(also laughing at myself for smiling when Harbor View was mentioned like some kind of dickhead who cheers when the comedian mentions a local landmark. :blush: )

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Fucking hell, the man only knows how to write in cliches doesn't he? It's basically the first thing you're taught not to do as a reporter. "Zero to hero". "Blood sweat and tears". Ffs, it's dim pub banter at best. The man is supposed to be a journalist.

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/sport-opinion/could-newcastle-united-become-ajax-8187031

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Award winning journalist Lee Ryder?! This has to be a pisstake, shirley?!

 

If Ryder has won an award, I can only assume Trinity Mirror is run by people who can't read or write. He doesn't even bother to spell check his drivel :lol:

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

 

03/12/2014
Well what can ah say, diary? What can ah say? Had a fantastic night the other night as ah won the Trinity Mirror Group’s sports writer of the year! Yep! Me! Carol Vorderman hosted the event but there was the odd celebrity guest presenting the awards. Anyways, it came to the category I was in, the best sports writer and as ah sat there they announced the celebrity who would present the award to the winner. Carol said she was handing the stage over to ….roll drums……Todd Carty!! Fucking Todd Carty? Could’ve been someone a bit better like, ah mean, ah loved him in Grange Hill as ‘Tucker Jenkins’ and he even had his own spin off series called Tucker’s Luck about when he left Grange Hill, but he was canny shite in Eastenders as Mark Fowler and the fucking aids storyline just dragged on forever. Anyways, he then calls my name out and right then ah could’ve kissed the cockney former child actor right on his poncey arsehole! Ah gets up accepting the applause from the room, me head in a spin! My editor, Helen Dalby kissed me and got her photo took with me, as an aside, they say don’t mix pleasure with business, but ah definitely would there, like. That ginger centre parton and black polka dress almost had me manhood hanging like a babies arm holding an apple!
Ah gets up to the stage, gets me award off Carty and say, ‘Cheers Tucker, son.’ Then deliver me speech. As ah’m a sports journalist ah decide to give the Ryder version of a famous Norwegian Journalist’s craic. This is what ah said in full…..
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Trinity Mirror Directors, I am the best in the world! I am the best in the world! I have beaten the regional sports journalists of The Trinity Mirror Group !! It is completely unbelievable! I have beaten them all! Trinity Mirror, birthplace of giants. Birmingham Post, Coventry Evening Telegraph, Barking & Dagenham Yellow Advertiser, Buckinghamshire Advertiser, The Crawley News, Evening Gazette of Teesside, Huddersfield District Chronicle, Manchester Evening News, I have beaten them all! I have beaten them all!
"Liverpool Echo can you hear me? Liverpool Echo, I have a message for you in the middle of the football campaign. I have a message for you: I have knocked all your sports writers out of the awards. Liverpool Echo, as they say in your language in the boxing bars around Madison Square Garden in New York: Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!"
After the party died down a bit ah went forra piss and ah seen Helen talking to one of the group directors, she asked him why exactly they chose yours truly for the award? The Director said regional sports was usually just a pile of shite about old players and current ones, re-hashed quotes from washed out players and shit managers. It was all shit so they usually decided to award the award to any journalist who happened to be banned at the time of voting! He said ah was a ‘cause celebre’ at the minute so it was better publicity for the groups image. Unbelievable! The Director of The Trinity group thinks ah’m a celebrity!!! Things were just getting better and better here, like! They way things were going ah might as well put the lottery on! So ah did, metaforic, metaphoraka, in a manner of speaking…….Ah asked Helen if she fancied going up to me room but she said ah was a really nice lad but she didn’t think it was a good idea with us working together and her being ambitious and wanting to move from the Ronnie Gill one day unlike me who she reckoned would be a Chronicle icon till my dying day which was sweet of her but didn’t do my bonk on any favours. Never mind, can’t win them all, just the Trinity Mirror Sports Journalist of the year award. Lol. Laters.
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My editor, Helen Dalby kissed me and got her photo took with me, as an aside, they say don’t mix pleasure with business, but ah definitely would there, like. That ginger centre parton and black polka dress almost had me manhood hanging like a babies arm holding an apple!

 

:lol:

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