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What mood are you in and why?


catmag
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All the best mate. Not sure there's much useful any of us can say other than to hope it goes as smoothly and painlessly as it can for him and for all of you.

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Nothing I can say, any of us can, that will really help. I guess except to say expect yourself to have upsetting mood swings, maybe have unwanted intrusive thoughts, and expect these at the moments you don't expect them. Possibly for a long time. Be kind to yourself and loved ones. As always, you can talk about it as much or as little as you want on this place, we're a community of fellow dick heads. Take care. 

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My mother-in-law lost her protracted battle with cancer a couple of weeks back and it upended our summer. It’s my first experience seeing this fucking devastating and intolerable disease up close. It’s every but as brutal and cruel as you imagine. Solidarity to anyone who has been through this. I expect most of you have lost a loved one to it given it kills one in two of us these days.

 

Grief is a weird thing. I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard. I’ve lost all my grandparents but this hurts more because they were all old and she was just 69. A good mate of mine who lost both parents young put it quite well - the pain never goes away. The world just eventually begins to grow around it and life moves forwards. It has to. 

Edited by Dr Gloom
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Basically what everyone else has said. Hopefully you all have the support you're all going to need from each other in the coming weeks and months. 

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7 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

My mother-in-law lost her protracted battle with cancer a couple of weeks back and it upended our summer. It’s my first experience seeing this fucking devastating and intolerable disease up close. It’s every but as brutal and cruel as you imagine. Solidarity to anyone who has been through this. I expect most of you have lost a loved one to it given it kills one in two of us these days.

 

Grief is a weird thing. I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard. I’ve lost all my grandparents but this hurts more because they were all old and she was just 69. A good mate of mine who lost both parents young put it quite well - the pain never goes away. The world just eventually begins to grow around it and life moves forwards. It has to. 

 

Aye, that's true. For me personally, the pain gets worse with time and I never, ever expected that. But then you continue living, just live with the pain, get used to it. ALmost like a chronic nagging physical pain. Sibling death, especially at a relatively young age, is very hard I think. For most of us, your sibling should be the longest close relationship you have, so to lose that is tough. And obviously devestating for the parent(s), so the surviving sibling(s) need to cope with that too. There are no answers I'm afraid. Just have to be honest with yourself and get through it. Everybody is different and copes in their own way. 

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Ah strawb man :( All the best pal. Sounds like you're in an alright place mentally with it, but you know us bunch of loons are always available if not and I hope your mam is right too.

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1 hour ago, strawb said:

Some of you will know my brother had a brain haemorrhage 13 years ago, he has been semi vegetative since and susceptible to infections.

 

Well has had a chest infection that he couldn’t shift and now has sepsis and is on end of life care.
 

I’m weirdly zen about the whole thing, I’m sat next to him in hospital and he seems calm. Worried about how it will affect my mam though, especially since we lost my dad a couple of years ago. 


Really sorry to hear of this. Life can be very cruel 

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2 hours ago, strawb said:

Some of you will know my brother had a brain haemorrhage 13 years ago, he has been semi vegetative since and susceptible to infections.

 

Well has had a chest infection that he couldn’t shift and now has sepsis and is on end of life care.
 

I’m weirdly zen about the whole thing, I’m sat next to him in hospital and he seems calm. Worried about how it will affect my mam though, especially since we lost my dad a couple of years ago. 

Sorry to hear that mate. Like everyone has said, if you need to vent, here's a good place to do it.

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On 22/08/2024 at 13:54, strawb said:

Some of you will know my brother had a brain haemorrhage 13 years ago, he has been semi vegetative since and susceptible to infections.

 

Well has had a chest infection that he couldn’t shift and now has sepsis and is on end of life care.
 

I’m weirdly zen about the whole thing, I’m sat next to him in hospital and he seems calm. Worried about how it will affect my mam though, especially since we lost my dad a couple of years ago. 

Well this has been a cluster fuck of epic proportions.

 

We were told day one he has sepsis, and there was nothing they could do. We agree that he should be put on end of life care and tried coming to terms with it.

 

The next day a different consultant said during rounds “ah the antibiotics seem to be working, let’s get him some more and send him home”. He had not had any antibiotics, as he was on end of life care.. so we disagreed.

 

He was moved wards to free a bed, and another new consultant sat us both down and told us he was happy to treat him again but it was unlikely to work and we should prepare ourselves that he might not make it. So he was taken off end of life care, and has been treated with antibiotics for the last 2 days.

 

They finally got his bloods back yesterday and he is recovering..

 

I don’t claim to be medically trained in anyway whatsoever, but do doctors not talk to each other/read notes on patients? My mam is nearly 70, and has been told twice this week by separate consultants that her first born is going to die when all he seemingly needed was some antibiotics.

 

Also trying to sleep in a hospital chair for days on end has fucked my back, on the plus side I’m sat outside james cook now (4.45am) and it’s the first time I’ve not seen any smack heads around here all week. Swings and roundabouts.

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2 hours ago, strawb said:

Well this has been a cluster fuck of epic proportions.

 

We were told day one he has sepsis, and there was nothing they could do. We agree that he should be put on end of life care and tried coming to terms with it.

 

The next day a different consultant said during rounds “ah the antibiotics seem to be working, let’s get him some more and send him home”. He had not had any antibiotics, as he was on end of life care.. so we disagreed.

 

He was moved wards to free a bed, and another new consultant sat us both down and told us he was happy to treat him again but it was unlikely to work and we should prepare ourselves that he might not make it. So he was taken off end of life care, and has been treated with antibiotics for the last 2 days.

 

They finally got his bloods back yesterday and he is recovering..

 

I don’t claim to be medically trained in anyway whatsoever, but do doctors not talk to each other/read notes on patients? My mam is nearly 70, and has been told twice this week by separate consultants that her first born is going to die when all he seemingly needed was some antibiotics.

 

Also trying to sleep in a hospital chair for days on end has fucked my back, on the plus side I’m sat outside james cook now (4.45am) and it’s the first time I’ve not seen any smack heads around here all week. Swings and roundabouts.

 

Fucking hell, I've seen stuff like this before but not that degree and outcome. Your head and your Mam's must be all over the place. 

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Horrible, sorry mate. I had Hobsons choice with my Dad of having his leg amputated to give him some more time, or let nature take its course. It was all thrust on me despite me not having LPA. I chose the latter but the death took months. And you get no psychological support. It's really damaged my MH as testified on here but there you are. Take care. Don't blame the clinicians. There is inherent uncertainty in all of this. Hope he recovers.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Renton
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Aye strawb it's shite man 😢 look after your mam pal. 

 

My wife's mates had a shit time recently. Her nephew was diagnosed with schizophrenia recently. He's fed using to take his meds. Anyways midweek he turned up at home with a fucking machete.  Night after he tried attacking his mam (not with the machete thank fuck). Tonight he's finally been taken into hospital. 

 

Seems so shit that those who are having shite just get shite on shite. 

 

Anyways. Tell your loved ones you love em more often. 

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thanks lads, you're good eggs. 

 

it's my first experience seeing cancer up close with a loved-one and it's every bit as brutal and devastating as you imagine. solidarity to all of you who have been through similar. 

 

it's a funny one. she wasn't my mam, but i've never known grief like it. i lost all my grandparents, which was incredibly sad each time, but they were all elderly so it was easier to accept. my mother-in-law was only 69. and not only that she was a really young 69 - so full of life, energy and fun. she had so many friends - there were close to 200 people packing out the crematorium - people of all ages.

 

she was also a fierce political activist and was often found outside the houses of parliament protesting against brexit or fascism, was a big supporter of the nhs and lgbtq rights. 

 

she also pretty much raised my kids through pre-school years, saving us a fortune on childcare fees and showering the with the sort of love and attention a childminder would probably struggle to replicate. 

 

i hugely admired her and loved her very much. 

 

we will miss her terribly. 

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