Meenzer 14313 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 11 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: He wishes 😘 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 7343 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 8 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: So, having earned my beginner wings on the way down, it got the bar with oak leaves on the way back. My route home is A249-> M2->M25 -> Dartford crossing-> M25->M11->A14->A1M->A1 Every road and junction that I needed to take , up to the A1, was closed overnight, with diversions where they let a spider with inky legs fuck a map. I was in the shit I have 9hrs driving time per shift, split in to two 4.5hr sections with a mandatory break between- every time the truck stops, in traffic, at lights, etc, the counter pauses until you move off. Normally get to Ferrybridge, or thereabouts by the end of my first 4.5hrs, then trundle home in the 2nd part with time to spare. Because of the above perfect storm of road fuckery, when my first 4.5hrs was 2 minutes from the end, I got to the end of the A10 where it meets the M11… at fucking Cambridge. Took my break, realised that if I fucking leathered it*, I’d get to somewhere between Scotch Corner and Durham and my time would be up. * this means you keep your foot down on flats and bends, and on downhills, where you’d normally use airbrakes to stay at 56ish, I’d have to let it coast and pick up speed , only braking when absolutely necessary. Went to plan, tbh, until a massive snarl up just before Ferrybridge, when I worked out that I’d get to Durham or Washington services as my time ended. ( there’s and option to then take another 45minute break, where you cannot move the vehicle at all, and you get 1 more hour of drive time). Made it into Washington with 6 minutes left, parked up, hit “rest”, bacon buttie time. I thought I was home and dry, until I approached the Tunnel, and saw ahead an absolute whopper tootling along in a clapped out Transit, which was belching clouds of thick black smoke, like its tyres were on fire I thought “no way they’ll let that cunt through …” and then watched as they didn’t even look at him as he sailed in to the Tunnel and began filling it with thick black smoke. I was in the left lane, as my wagon is too high to fit through on the right lane, as was Smoky, who was one car ahead. The lad in between us lasted 30yds, then nipped in to the right lane and passed him. As we got to the flat in the middle, I was expecting him to speed up a bit for the hill out… … cunt slowed to running pace, smoke got thicker, and I thought “ He’s not going to make it up the hill” He got even slower, literally walking pace, ( I was going at 4mph behind him), when he put his hazard lights on. I honestly thought he was about conk it there and then, we’d have been stuck behind until the break down and ambulance ( because I would have got and gone MLF on him) arrived. Made it back to the yard with 20 minutes left The plan worked. Somewhere in Heaven some puppies and sick children (they didn’t make it) are high fiveing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39649 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 1 hour ago, Meenzer said: I know this isn't the point of the story, but if you're ever forced to break at Peterborough services while doing that route, holler and I'll pop over and buy a coffee for you and whoever you've got tied up in the back at the time 47 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: @Howmanheyman If I lived in Peterborough, I’d also be soliciting middle-aged truckers for “coffee” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 7343 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 Went shopping yesterday to pick up few bits and pieces, was rammed with doddery old cunts, was fucking raging and muttering under my breath the likes of "how long can it take FFS, get out the way you fucking doddery old cunt, likes of you shouldn't be allowed out". Then I remembered the reason I myself was able to be in the shop at 10:30 a.m. on a Tuesday ...................................... 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 28865 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 3 hours ago, Toonpack said: Went shopping yesterday to pick up few bits and pieces, was rammed with doddery old cunts, was fucking raging and muttering under my breath the likes of "how long can it take FFS, get out the way you fucking doddery old cunt, likes of you shouldn't be allowed out". Then I remembered the reason I myself was able to be in the shop at 10:30 a.m. on a Tuesday ...................................... Were you in Sainsbury's in Heaton this morning? (Just asking for no particular reason). I've never seen a supermarket with as few people in have a very high percentage of awkward cunts somehow getting in my way in aisles where there was only one or two other people in. It was like they were watching me and jumping in the way as I went to get something. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 7343 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 15 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: Were you in Sainsbury's in Heaton this morning? (Just asking for no particular reason). I've never seen a supermarket with as few people in have a very high percentage of awkward cunts somehow getting in my way in aisles where there was only one or two other people in. It was like they were watching me and jumping in the way as I went to get something. Afraid not, one does one’s shopping at M&S 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9537 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 8 minutes ago, Toonpack said: Afraid not, one does one’s shopping at M&S Fffffffucking hell, trying to do a shop in M&S while the Saga crowd are in. Marjorie doddering along with Roger, parking their trolley horizontal across the aisle, creating huge lines at the checkout because they cannot understand the self scan stuff. Fuckers haven't got long left, you'd think they'd be in more of a hurry. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 28865 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 30 minutes ago, Toonpack said: "Afraid not, one does one’s shopping at M&S." Just wondering, TP. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17702 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 Fuck me @Monkeys Fist can you start a VLOG My mate watches a trucker do one. Who drives for Sitra a dutch company 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18727 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 37 minutes ago, Toonpack said: Afraid not, one does one’s shopping at M&S Silverlink, aye? I have very likely muttered "stupid old cunt" about you under my breath. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39649 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 1 hour ago, wykikitoon said: Fuck me @Monkeys Fist can you start a VLOG My mate watches a trucker do one. Who drives for Sitra a dutch company “ Hello everyone This is me turning left… … now we’re turning right. Oh, look, it’s a straight bit of road! Fucking Audi drivers , amirite?” Nah, think I’ll pass 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 6690 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 51 minutes ago, Renton said: Silverlink, aye? I have very likely muttered "stupid old cunt" about you under my breath. I don’t get angry at them anymore. I just make sure I have a protein shake before I go shopping and crop dust them as I go past. If you’ve had something aromatic the evening before, even better. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9537 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: “ Hello everyone This is me turning left… … now we’re turning right. Oh, look, it’s a straight bit of road! Fucking Audi drivers , amirite?” Nah, think I’ll pass extremely slowly ensuring I ruin the day of everybody with somewhere to be. Finished your post off for you. Edited June 19 by The Fish 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17702 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 34 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: “ Hello everyone This is me turning left… … now we’re turning right. Oh, look, it’s a straight bit of road! Fucking Audi drivers , amirite?” Nah, think I’ll pass 'Alreet viewers, welcome to the Trucking Fist channel again. Firstly, thanks to our sponsors Pulse and Cocktails, don't forget to like and subscribe' 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 7343 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 3 hours ago, Renton said: Silverlink, aye? I have very likely muttered "stupid old cunt" about you under my breath. I sincerely doubt that, I hate shopping, I am a shopper with a plan, I know what I want, in shop route pre-planned, pausing only to check/grab best use by date, with occasional deflection by a yellow reduced sticker. I may be old and a cunt but I do not do doddering (except if the bastards have changed layout/moved stuff). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 37263 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 Toonpack shops like Biden trying to find his way off a stage. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 7343 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 3 hours ago, Howmanheyman said: Just wondering, TP. Afraid not, I worked in IT for nigh on 30 year in oil and gas, not worn a tie to work nevwr mind outside of work in like forever. 👍 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 31773 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 10 hours ago, Howmanheyman said: Were you in Sainsbury's in Heaton this morning? (Just asking for no particular reason). I've never seen a supermarket with as few people in have a very high percentage of awkward cunts somehow getting in my way in aisles where there was only one or two other people in. It was like they were watching me and jumping in the way as I went to get something. High Heaton’s like a shite version of Eastbourne. With a disproportionate amount of smug golf bores, who’ve reaped the benefits of being both mortgage free and retired on a generous public sector pension for at least a couple of decades. And that’s just the women 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now