Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Won't you just end up having a wank anyway? Granted , a posh one, but … Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Won't you just end up having a wank anyway? Granted , a posh one, but … Fair point Fist, though I'm really going to give it a good go tonight and try and come without having to wank myself off. Going to asda to get some of that Durek lube and shaving cream before the Barca/Madrid game starts. I'll have to make the most of our encounters now, as it could be the last. I'm welcome to any suggestions to try stuff out, except anal, because she eats so much crap and isn't up for it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Build up a head of steam, then stick your fingers down her throat. She'll gag, resulting in some very handy abdominal muscle contractions. Repeat until muck is chucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42417 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Oh aye, you might want to tie her up first, as she seems a bit lively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7025 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Canny mood, catching up on telly before the match tonight. Cricket tomorrow followed by Thor at the flicks. Then off to NYC on Monday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Build up a head of steam, then stick your fingers down her throat. She'll gag, resulting in some very handy abdominal muscle contractions. Repeat until muck is chucked. One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Besty 4 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Go with Chez's plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2204 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Looks like I'll be having a Chinese again tonight, she's been texting me. Great timing as well; I was about to have a wank, I'll just save my energy now. But if you have a Chinese, won't you just want another one afterwards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 2 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Build up a head of steam, then stick your fingers down her throat. She'll gag, resulting in some very handy abdominal muscle contractions. Repeat until muck is chucked. One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh! Angry Walrus - come in her mouth then karate chop both sides of her neck, forcing the semen to be forced out of her nostrils in two tusk-like streams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Build up a head of steam, then stick your fingers down her throat. She'll gag, resulting in some very handy abdominal muscle contractions. Repeat until muck is chucked. One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh! Angry Walrus - come in her mouth then karate chop both sides of her neck, forcing the semen to be forced out of her nostrils in two tusk-like streams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 2 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Build up a head of steam, then stick your fingers down her throat. She'll gag, resulting in some very handy abdominal muscle contractions. Repeat until muck is chucked. One Eyed Pirate: Blow your load in one of the bitch's eyes. While she tries to wipe it off, kick her in the shin. The desired effect is to get her hopping on one leg while holding the other, and covering one of her eyes with her free hand. She may even say "Argh! Angry Walrus - come in her mouth then karate chop both sides of her neck, forcing the semen to be forced out of her nostrils in two tusk-like streams. Bellend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) You know that chick I was boinking, she thinks she is a fantastic singer. The actual phrase she uses quite often is, 'I have been blessed with an incredible singing talent/voice' or whatever. She applied for the X Factor in Birmingham, Liverpool and Manchester and got turned away at all three locations. She is absolutely deluded in her belief that she has musical talent. I have asked her questions about music and she doesn't even understand the very basics of rhythm, melody, or basically anything about music. She doesn't know what a beat is, or a bar, and cannot count or keep in time with any music. Still she continues to say, 'I am an amazing singer, so talented!' and so on. It really pisses me off, because I know how hard good singers have to work to develop their talent, and people like this think they are great without even displaying an interest in music. I tried to explain all this to her at length, but she is one of the most ignorant people I have ever come across and it just doesn't get through at all. Anyway, long story short, some guy is trying to set up a record company in Warrington and accepting basically anyone to record for him. She readily applied, and here are the results, in case you thought I was being unjustifiably harsh or dishonest. Edited May 2, 2011 by Kevin S. Assilleekunt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 You know that chick I was boinking, she thinks she is a fantastic singer. The actual phrase she uses quite often is, 'I have been blessed with an incredible singing talent/voice' or whatever. She applied for the X Factor in Birmingham, Liverpool and Manchester and got turned away at all three locations. She is absolutely deluded in her belief that she has musical talent. I have asked her questions about music and she doesn't even understand the very basics of rhythm, melody, or basically anything about music. She doesn't know what a beat is, or a bar, and cannot count or keep in time with any music. Still she continues to say, 'I am an amazing singer, so talented!' and so on. It really pisses me off, because I know how hard good singers have to work to develop their talent, and people like this think they are great without even displaying an interest in music. I tried to explain all this to her at length, but she is one of the most ignorant people I have ever come across and it just doesn't get through at all. Anyway, long story short, some guy is trying to set up a record company in Warrington and accepting basically anyone to record for him. She readily applied, and here are the results, in case you thought I was being unjustifiably harsh or dishonest. fuckin hell That is the equivalent of David Brent's version of Simply Red's - if you don't know me by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Honestly she really fucking got to me with this shit. She's 25 - TWENTY FUCKING FIVE YEARS OLD. Before I knew her, I thought she might be reasonably mature, being that age. She kept saying shit like 'ooohhhh music is my passion singing it is inside me i have deep talent of singing.' I said, 'If you were passionate about music, surely you'd know what rhythm is by the age of twenty five?' 'OOHHH I AM SO TALENTT SO MUCH BLESSED WITH INCREDIBLE SINGING VOICEEE' She asked me for an example of music I liked (this is all via text btw) and I said Jimi Hendrix. She watched a video of Jimi Hendrix on youtube, having never heard of him, and said, 'OOOOH WHYY SO OLLLD? HE OLDER THAN YOU AND MEEEE? WHY YOU LISTEN?' She genuinely thinks she is more musically talented than Jimi Hendrix. She doesn't understand why anyone would listen to 'old' music. Really fucking pisses me off these people, there are droves of them, X Factor hopefuls, the fucking mad ones they take the piss out of if they get on television. I'll leave this review on the Youtube comments: This is truly awful: it is out of tune throughout; the tone is awful, like a child screaming; the pronunciation of the words is incorrect in many places, such as 'DER' instead of 'there', 'DEY' instead of 'they', and 'DA' instead of 'the'. Your singing technique is absolutely abysmal and it is very unpleasant to listen to. Please don't sing within earshot of other sentient beings, this is not a joke, it is an honest plea for mercy. Edited May 2, 2011 by Kevin S. Assilleekunt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idioteque 0 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Wouldn't even get a job at pontins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Feel free to leave objective reviews on the Youtube comments bit or click the 'dislike' button; she really needs telling, for her own good. People around her tell her she's good, and this perpetuates her belief that she is an incredible musical talent. I must be the first person to have told her she's awful. Apparently she's got a gig at a fashion show somewhere, she invited me, I declined. Edited May 3, 2011 by Kevin S. Assilleekunt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idioteque 0 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) I think we have a rival Edited May 3, 2011 by Idioteque Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Aye, that kid's about half her age though, she has an excuse. TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD mate. Fucking unbelievable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Does she know about your car crash? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 No. Not seen her since the 28th which was the last bonking session. Write-off was yesterday. She keeps texting me saying she is falling for me and misses me, and I say I don't think we're a good match because I'm not obsessed with IPads and Michael Buble. I suggested that she try going out with some other Filipino guy I work with called Mikron, and she text me this: Mikron cannot make me cum and cannot make me malibog (translation: horny) because he is not hot ewww hehe xx i wont even look at him because he will just trigger me to vomit ha ha ha lmfaoooo yuck eewww i dont like him he is soooo ugly unlike you handsome lmfaooooo xx i dont want fubu (fuckbuddy) i am 25 and i dont want to play now hehe i want a serious one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Honestly she really fucking got to me with this shit. She's 25 - TWENTY FUCKING FIVE YEARS OLD. Before I knew her, I thought she might be reasonably mature, being that age. She kept saying shit like 'ooohhhh music is my passion singing it is inside me i have deep talent of singing.' I said, 'If you were passionate about music, surely you'd know what rhythm is by the age of twenty five?' 'OOHHH I AM SO TALENTT SO MUCH BLESSED WITH INCREDIBLE SINGING VOICEEE' She asked me for an example of music I liked (this is all via text btw) and I said Jimi Hendrix. She watched a video of Jimi Hendrix on youtube, having never heard of him, and said, 'OOOOH WHYY SO OLLLD? HE OLDER THAN YOU AND MEEEE? WHY YOU LISTEN?' She genuinely thinks she is more musically talented than Jimi Hendrix. She doesn't understand why anyone would listen to 'old' music. Really fucking pisses me off these people, there are droves of them, X Factor hopefuls, the fucking mad ones they take the piss out of if they get on television. I'll leave this review on the Youtube comments: This is truly awful: it is out of tune throughout; the tone is awful, like a child screaming; the pronunciation of the words is incorrect in many places, such as 'DER' instead of 'there', 'DEY' instead of 'they', and 'DA' instead of 'the'. Your singing technique is absolutely abysmal and it is very unpleasant to listen to. Please don't sing within earshot of other sentient beings, this is not a joke, it is an honest plea for mercy. Done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13863 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 "Fringe like Freddie Boswell" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 "The world is crying out for an oriental musical super star who is known worldwide. Fame, fortune, face, image this world needs someone from your part of Asia to be a global phenomenon. Some people probably think you could be it, but not, me you sound like you're fucking murdering a cat! Oh dear." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Hi!LeazesLad30, i get your point.. Just wait me to improve and you will see you will give nice comments next time all i need is your encouragement not discouragement ^_~ thanks for the comment! keep on checking ^_* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Hi!LeazesLad30, i get your point.. Just wait me to improve and you will see you will give nice comments next time all i need is your encouragement not discouragement ^_~ thanks for the comment! keep on checking ^_* I feel guilty now, so I've tried to be a bit more sensitive this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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