George Has A Rant

[Christmas Tree 4821]

In defence of the North East

 

Free for every reader, your cut-out-and-keep guide to North East football cliches. Courtesy of The Times, you need never again be stuck for conversation down the pub. We can tell you how to abuse Newcastle United supporters for their "delusional" response to promotion and lambast Sunderland fans for their daft "expectations." For good measure, we’ll guide you on how best to make gratuitous references to Teesside’s landscape.

 

This week, as you may have gathered, it’s a chip-on-the-shoulder special. This is less of a column than a growl, and short of pulling on my replica strip and flat cap, taking my whippet for a long walk to the allotment where I’ll beat the hell out of a leek or two before drinking ten pints of "Broon" and belching out the first two verses of When The Boat Comes In, I just don’t know how to get rid of the frustration.

 

There is a bit of anger here, I’ll admit. In immediate terms, the cause of it has been some extraordinary and witless coverage of Newcastle’s return to the Barclays Premier League, more of which below, but beyond that it’s about the general stereotyping of a region and its football clubs. To which, ultimately, there is only one solution; come and have a look around. Warning: what follows is a rant...

 

1. Every club needs daft lads (and lasses). Every club has them. The daft lads are the people who often sing the loudest and longest, who refresh your fan-base, who offer new routes to revenue, who are more boisterous and bullish than others, but who keep the atmosphere inside the stadia raw and confrontational. Sometimes they take their shoes off and pogo. Sometimes they gravitate towards microphones.

 

Older, wiser supporters may raise their eyebrows. They may even wince. But many, if not most, will recognise that this was them once, too. Fueled by drink and hormones and a sense of invincibility, they came to the match to shout and chant and be surrounded by mates. To boast about their club being better than the rest - which, when you think about it, is sort of what football is all about. So here’s to the daft lads.

 

2. But why are Newcastle, in particular, defined by their daft lads? How is it acceptable to judge a football club, which has history and nuances like any other, on ten second clips on Sky Sports News or Talk Sport? So if one random bloke says that he wants Kevin Keegan back as manager, it somehow becomes engrained as fact? Listen to those Geordies ... never learn, do they? Piffle, poppycock, b*******.

 

Actually, I think I know the answer to that. Having been a staple of the front pages and rolling news networks for so long - far more than most, more than their league position has warranted and, granted, often through mismanagement and error - Newcastle are viewed through a prism of instability. But, please ... Enough, already. Do some research or - and here’s a revolutionary thought - come to St James’ Park and listen.

 

3. The Messiah complex. I don’t know a single Newcastle fan who is demanding Keegan or Alan Shearer or some other "big-name" be appointed as manager. Not one. In fact, I don’t remember anybody demanding that Keegan should be appointed (the second time around), if for no other reason than the prospect was so left-field. I can, however, remember the lift it gave to Tyneside, because it prompted warmth and optimism, but that’s a different matter.

 

Plenty of people wanted Shearer’s position to become permanent last summer, because he represented the link between club and supporters at a time when it was in danger of being snapped, because he understood Newcastle and because his blueprint was to rip everything up and start again. Plenty, too, felt embarrassed and disappointed when a figure of such stature was first left in limbo and then ignored.

 

But Chris Hughton has performed admirably under duress this season, his name has been sung at home matches, he has a contract which lasts for another year and he deserves his crack at the Premier League. There is absolutely no groundswell of opinion pressing for more managerial upheaval - four managers last season tells its own story - just an acceptance that there will be a continuation of sweat and effort.

 

4. The old expectation thing. Here’s a question: do Manchester United supporters expect to win things? Probably, yes. Why? Because they tend to. Do supporters of Newcastle, Sunderland or Middlesbrough expect to win things? No. Why? Because Newcastle have not won a domestic trophy since 1955, Sunderland’s last bit of silverware was the FA Cup 37 years ago and Middlesbrough have a solitary pot to their name.

 

What North East fans usually expect is for things to go wrong. When they don’t, it comes as a pleasant surprise. There is a yearning and a historical passion, but to interpret that as expectation is mistaken. Given attendances on Tyneside and Wearside, there is absolutely nothing wrong with harbouring sensible ambition - quite the opposite - but there is no sense of entitlement.

 

At Sunderland, there is a psychological battle being fought over the issue. It is the firm belief of Niall Quinn, the chairman, that a full Stadium of Light would propel the team to unprecedented heights, but his chief opponent, aside from the economic conditions, is the feeling that after those bitter relegations, some people are simply reluctant to invest their hope again.

 

Similarly, nobody at Newcastle is talking about the title or qualifying for Europe. St James’ this season has been utterly lacking in triumphalism and bluster, because there is a deep-seated understanding that theirs is a club in the early stages of recovery, that aside from the satisfaction of witnessing victories again, their place in the Coca-Cola Championship was a test of endurance and patience. They passed.

 

For either group to have their "loyalty" questioned is laughable. Yes, Newcastle’s attendances dipped following demotion, but if any supporters had an excuse to walk away from their club last summer, it was them; consecutive seasons of decline, being portrayed as a laughing stock, Joe Kinnear and Dennis Wise, players signed off YouTube, heroes humiliated, lied to by the hierarchy.

 

By and large, they have not. On November 7 last year, 43,067 people watched Newcastle play Peterborough United which, by any standards, is a remarkable figure. Their future is opaque, but as Chris Hughton said last week "stability is absolutely the key word when it comes to the future of this club," and, with a bit of luck, that message will be embraced in the boardroom, too.

 

Meanwhile, in spite of another flirtation with relegation and those three barren winter months, Sunderland’s average league attendance of nearly 40,000 is the sixth-biggest in the Premier League and a testament to the lingering power of regional pride. With Quinn, Ellis Short, Steve Bruce and Darren Bent in situ, the club may yet establish itself in the public psyche for sound governance, good signings and a love of the area.

 

If either fail, it will not be because of the so-called expectations, delusions or demands of their supporters, who continue to withstand some low blows and turn up regardless. The conclusion? There isn’t one, really, other than something which, ironically enough, Keegan once said to his players: "you can write your own headlines." Quietly, and in spite of what you might occasionally read or hear, they are doing so.

[ChezGiven 0]

The irony of concluding 'you can write your own headlines' works on so many levels too.

 

Top stuff from George as usual.

[JawD 99]

Spot on really. I noticed him have a rant on Twitter about the shite spewed out by the Express etc, I figure this is his response to that.

[Park Life 71]

The irony of concluding 'you can write your own headlines' works on so many levels too.

 

Top stuff from George as usual.

[Asprilla 96]

One of the best articles I've read in ages.

 

[Deano 0]

This guy keeps churing out some brilliant articles.

Keep it up George...people will start to listen the louder you and we talk/shout.

 

We are all daft lads deep down...to some extent!

[peasepud 59]

As said above, another sterling article from Mr Caulkin, shame he didnt start it with "to my colleagues at the Times..."

[sandman02uk 0]

Great article

[Guest alex]

Excellent read.

[Tom 14013]

Nobody wants to read that though do they? Apart from us!

 

Tell us about the obese piss head without his top on who thinks if we get Keegan back we'll sign Messi and win the champions league. (Whom might very well be fictional, creative property of Wearside)

[Marko 0]

brilliant read, shame it will fall on deaf ears with other fans and we'll still have the stereotype that we're all expecting Champions League qualification next season!

[peasepud 59]

Nobody wants to read that though do they? Apart from us!

 

Tell us about the obese piss head without his top on who thinks if we get Keegan back we'll sign Messi and win the champions league. (Whom might very well be fictional, creative property of Wearside)

 

Unfortunately though we have that in the Beefy bloke, a man whos not been seen all season in the seat he was in on Saturday. Saturday comes and hes there right next to the cameras looking for his chance to get his top off and be front page.

 

The likes of him courting the camera does us no good.

[Guest alex]

Nobody wants to read that though do they? Apart from us!

 

Tell us about the obese piss head without his top on who thinks if we get Keegan back we'll sign Messi and win the champions league. (Whom might very well be fictional, creative property of Wearside)

 

Unfortunately though we have that in the Beefy bloke, a man whos not been seen all season in the seat he was in on Saturday. Saturday comes and hes there right next to the cameras looking for his chance to get his top off and be front page.

 

The likes of him courting the camera does us no good.

Same bloke used to be a Mackem if the rumours are true.

[bobbyshinton 59]

tis true

 

but hey it's harmless. If it were not him it would be some other unusual type.

 

we are passionate about our team and area that is what sets us apart from others.

[Happy Face 29]

Could be worse...

 

 

[Howmanheyman 33828]

Could be worse...

 

 

That Pompey fan once said we had crap support.

 

"Oh Pompey knacka,

You are a fucking clown!

Oh Pompey knacka,

I'm glad you're going down!

Oh Pompey knacka,

I want gold* sovereigns too!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Well, there is a load of companies buying gold at the minute).

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

Although I wouldn't say it out loud, a little bit of me would still like Keegan to come back one day. I know it's never going to happen and it would never work anyway, but there's still something there. I'm like a lovestruck teenager daydreaming about a failed relationship and what might have been

[Sima 0]

Although I wouldn't say it out loud, a little bit of me would still like Keegan to come back one day. I know it's never going to happen and it would never work anyway, but there's still something there. I'm like a lovestruck teenager daydreaming about a failed relationship and what might have been

 

[spongebob toonpants 4131]

Although I wouldn't say it out loud, a little bit of me would still like Keegan to come back one day. I know it's never going to happen and it would never work anyway, but there's still something there. I'm like a lovestruck teenager daydreaming about a failed relationship and what might have been

 

yep -me too