General Election 2010

[Happy Face 29]

At least he got off lighter than Peter Andre. The bitch drove that poor sod to tears on live telly.

[Happy Face 29]

And she's the cunt (and I meant that in the strongest sense) who said on 9/11 "If you're just joining us, the entire eastern seaboard of the United States has been decimated by a terrorist attack".

[Monkeys Fist 42444]

I must admit I quite like Alan Johnson. He always has a smile on his chops.

 

Eeeeeeeeeeeh.......

 

:(

[Dr Gloom 21923]

Kay Burley going fucking apeshit at an electoral reform protestor at the weekend too. By the end of the "interview" she's on a full-on rag-week rant.

 

 

what a cunt. she just shouts at him. i know you're supposed to challenge and provoke but she came across like a smug 9 year old bully tbh

[Monkeys Fist 42444]

Conservatives bounced into agreeing to PR -labour rebuilding as the Tories oversee economic meltdown. The right routed for good from the next election

 

I sense the machavellian genius of Mandy pulling everybodies strings here

[ChezGiven 0]

Who voted for a hung parliament like? Daft bint but not much sympathy for him either though as he could have pointed that out.

[Monkeys Fist 42444]

I will vote for any party that can sort out 3g connectivity in the Lakes.

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I felt the need,

to download porn for thrills;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fapping and trembling on my knees.

 

Got your number

[Problem Child 0]

Kay Burley going fucking apeshit at an electoral reform protestor at the weekend too. By the end of the "interview" she's on a full-on rag-week rant.

Silly cow. Are Sky News employees on a tory win bonus? Despite my reservations about a LibLab collation it’d be worth it to see the Tory press lose it completely.

[Renton 21625]

Who voted for a hung parliament like? Daft bint but not much sympathy for him either though as he could have pointed that out.

 

Aye, he should have pointed out that people voted for the party they hoped would win, or voted tactically to facilitate this same outcome, and that a hung parliament resulted from this. Then, calmly, he should have asked her if she was on the blob, and stood well back....

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

I will vote for any party that can sort out 3g connectivity in the Lakes.

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I felt the need,

to download porn for thrills;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fapping and trembling on my knees.

 

Got your number

[Tom 14011]

David Miliband FTW!

[ChezGiven 0]

Very good MF

[Monkeys Fist 42444]

Very good MF

Ithangew

[Dr Gloom 21923]

the boulton/campbell ding dong was brewing for a while -

[Monkeys Fist 42444]

the boulton/campbell ding dong was brewing for a while -

I have to say, I like watching Campbell in full swing.

[Meenzer 15526]

we will go through this crap all the time if pr comes in

 

And who's to say we won't with first past the post? The two main parties are unpopular as they've ever been in living memory, trust in mainstream politics is at an all-time low, and there's no sign of an all-conquering Blair or Thatcher figure on the horizon. If we're going to have a hung parliament every time anyway, we might as well do it properly.

[Park Life 71]

Kay Burley going fucking apeshit at an electoral reform protestor at the weekend too. By the end of the "interview" she's on a full-on rag-week rant.

 

 

All the sky lot are fucked. Murdoch must be cutting into them for not delivering a Tory win...ha ha

[Park Life 71]

Kay Burley going fucking apeshit at an electoral reform protestor at the weekend too. By the end of the "interview" she's on a full-on rag-week rant.

Silly cow. Are Sky News employees on a tory win bonus? Despite my reservations about a LibLab collation it’d be worth it to see the Tory press lose it completely.

 

Just shows how rabid most of the media have become. Needs a smack the bitch.

[Christmas Tree 4725]

I will vote for any party that can sort out 3g connectivity in the Lakes.

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I felt the need,

to download porn for thrills;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fapping and trembling on my knees.

 

Got your number

 

[Christmas Tree 4725]

we will go through this crap all the time if pr comes in

 

And who's to say we won't with first past the post? The two main parties are unpopular as they've ever been in living memory, trust in mainstream politics is at an all-time low, and there's no sign of an all-conquering Blair or Thatcher figure on the horizon. If we're going to have a hung parliament every time anyway, we might as well do it properly.

 

 

But then a Blair or Thatcher will never get the chance again. Party popularity changes all the time as shown in 1997. Why tie ourselves in to these 48 hour manifest horse traded in smokey rooms.

 

Not for me like .

[Christmas Tree 4725]

Simon power crazed Hughes, jizzing all over every TV channel.

 

Where were you pre-election you rat faced weasel.

 

Give me a labour government anyday over these blackmailing whores.

 

There'll be riots in Henley, mark my words.

[AgentAxeman 178]

Time once again to tune in to Eyewitness News, Palm Beach, for an American perspective on the General Election.

 

Good morning, America, how are you?

 

This is your favourite son, Chad Hanging, reporting. Let’s cross live to London, Englandland, where our special correspondent Brit Limey has been following developments.

 

Good morning, Chad. I’m standing in historic Piccadilly Square, in downtown London, where people are coming to terms with the results of the election.

From a distance, you can't tell Cameron and Clegg apart. They even look like members of a boy band - Westminster's answer to Jedward

 

Given that the TV debates turned this election into a glorified version of the X Factor, it is perhaps fitting that the country may soon be run by a political double act. From a distance, you can't tell Cameron and Clegg apart. They even look like members of a boy band - Westminster's answer to Jedward

 

So who is the new president of Englandland, Brit?

 

President Norman Brown, Chad.

 

I thought he was the old president.

 

He is, Chad.

 

So President Brown won the election.

 

No, Chad, he lost the election. President Brown’s Labour Party came second, two million votes behind the Conservatives.

 

So the Conservatives won?

 

No, they lost, too. They didn’t get enough seats in the House of Lords to form a majority government.

 

So President Brown got more seats, even though he got fewer votes.

 

Negatory, Chad. President Brown got 60 fewer seats than the Conservatives.

 

Then why is he still President?

 

He’s holed up in Number 10 Downing Street, where the Queen lives, and refuses to come out.

 

Can he do that?

 

Apparently so, Chad. He can carry on being President until someone else forms a government.

 

What happens now?

 

Well, Chad, it’s up to the Liberal Democrats to decide who becomes President.

 

I didn’t realise the Democrats were standing in Englandland. Does that mean President Obama could become president of Englandland?

 

No, Chad. Different party. They’re led by a guy called Clegg, who won one of the TV debates. For a while he was the new Susan Boyle.

 

They’re a new party, right?

 

No, they’re an old party. Even older than the Conservatives and Labour.

 

So the Liberal Democrats won the election?

 

No, they lost, too. They only got 57 seats, which is fewer than they got at the last election in 2005.

 

How come they get to choose the president, then?

 

Because they came third.

 

So this guy Clegg could become president?

 

No chance, Chad, but he could become Vice President or Homeland Security Secretary.

 

How so?

 

He’s talking to the Conservatives about forming a coalition.

 

And where does that leave President Norman Brown?

 

Clegg’s talking to Labour about forming a coalition, too.

 

If Clegg decides to go with Labour, does that mean Norman Brown could stay on as president?

 

Not necessarily, Chad. Labour and the Liberal Democrats still wouldn’t have enough seats to command a majority. And Clegg says he wouldn’t work under President Brown, so Labour would have to choose a new president.

 

But that would mean that the new president hadn’t been elected by anyone.

 

That’s the way it works in Englandland. President Norman Brown wasn’t elected by anyone, either.

 

Tell me more about this Clegg guy, Brit.

 

Well, Chad, he looks like Piers Morgan, from America’s Got Talent, he supports illegal immigration and thinks Englandland should be governed by Europe.

 

And what do the people of Englandland think about that?

 

They hate the idea, Chad, which is why the Liberal Democrats came a poor third in this election.

 

Yet Clegg still gets to choose the president?

 

That’s right, Chad.

 

Isn’t that like letting the Tea Party pick the president of the USA?

 

Not really, Chad. The Tea Party is more popular than the Lib Dems and contains fewer wacko nutjobs.

 

So what happens now?

 

Clegg could still do a deal with the Conservatives, which would mean a man called Call Me Dave becomes president, even though he didn’t win enough seats, either.

 

Can they do that?

 

I guess so, Chad. During the election, Clegg promised a more open, accountable, honest form of government. It’s the ‘new politics’.

 

Run that by me again, Brit. So under this new, open and more honest politics, the politicians pick the president without asking the voters?

 

That’s a big Ten-four, Chad. All the negotiations are being conducted in secret.

 

Why don’t they just hold another election, Brit?

 

Because the Labour Party and the Liberal Democrats haven’t got any money to fight another election, Chad. The biggest Lib Dem donor is a convicted fraudster who is on the run from the police.

 

Did they give the money back?

 

Of course not, Chad. They kept it, arguing that it was the only way they could compete with Labour, who are bankrolled by the unions, and the Conservatives, who are owned by someone called Lord Paddy Ashcroft, who lives in a banana republic called Belisha.

 

Englandland sounds more like a banana republic than a mature democracy.

 

Funny you say that, Chad. There was chaos when the polling stations shut before everyone had voted.

 

You’re kidding me.

 

I wish I was, Chad. There are also 20 separate police inquiries into voting irregularities, including postal vote fraud. The election has been widely condemned by international observers from as far afield as Kenya, Rwanda and Bangladesh. It looks as if it may have to be rerun in some areas.

 

And these are the guys who told us we didn’t know how to run an election in Florida.

[Craig 6682]

Some member of the Conservative Party (not MPs I hasten to add) are now suggesting that there should be full devolution and that an English Parliament should sit at Westminster.

 

That would hand the Tories a majority of 63.

[spongebob toonpants 3996]

Some member of the Conservative Party (not MPs I hasten to add) are now suggesting that there should be full devolution and that an English Parliament should sit at Westminster.

 

That would hand the Tories a majority of 63.

 

That would be the The Conservative and Unionist Party to give it its full name -hypocritical Tories, whouda thought it

[ewerk 30610]

It does seem unfair that NI, Wales and Scotland have locally elected representatives to operate their own legislature yet some small party in NI/Scotland could hold the balance of power in England.