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Simon Cowell to produce The Susan Boyle Story


Sonatine
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Music mogul Simon Cowell has produced a documentary based on his talent show protege Susan Boyle.

 

The movie, I Dreamed a Dream: The Susan Boyle Story, will debut on America's TV Guide Network next month.

 

Boyle, who was a runner-up on Britain's Got Talent, has broken Amazon.com records this week by scoring the biggest pre-release sales ever.

 

Will probably turn out something like this

 

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Chapter 1: Birth and early years

 

Susan Boyle is born to a bagpipe weaver and an Aberdeen Angus cow, grows up, goes to school, plays kiss chase (which for her sadly involved rather a lot of chasing) and then move with the family to a shortbread tin conversion in Blackburn (no, not the one the Beatles sang about).

 

Chapter 2: My Struggle (teenage life)

 

Father loses his job at the shipyards when she was 12 and then Susan bravely fights against the injustice of abject poverty blah blah blah. During the mid to late teens she discovers God, just like Anne Widdecombe MP, and becomes celebate, just like Anne Widdecombe MP. She selflessly devotes her life to helping others through the salvation army etc.

 

Chapter 3: Susan's got talent

 

After watching the X Factor on TV and hearing of a similar show on ITV, scheduled to fill that vital evening slot that was probably used for Celebrity Love Island, or one of the other shows that you phone in to prop up ITV with votes, Susan braves the fickle judgement of the public. Being thouroughly decent, and not a set of sneering egomanics, Susan is welcomed on stage by the judges and warmly encouraged to sing. Susan then gives a stunning performance of some song that confirms the judges' initial views that she was great, and not an old minger who'd make a twat of herself. That was never in their minds at all.

 

Chapter 4: Fame and fortune

 

The contract was signed, which marked the turning point of a career for Susan. She got a new hairdo and wardrobe from Simon Cowell, which in no way was a makeover to make the best of what God gave her in terms of looks. The holidays, which included appearing on Oprah and meeting President Obama (or was it Bush?) complete with subtitles were fun packed, and not a grinding, punishing schedule that flogged Susan to breaking point. The graph on the wall clearly showed Susan was a superstar in the making. However, getting on a plane every so often shattered the fragile Susan Boyle, but don't worry she'll be OK. And the contract with Simon Cowell is still intact.

Edited by Billy Castell
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Nah, one of those sentimental jobs that paint the author (i.e. Simon Cowell) in a glowing light and makes him a co-star of the show if you meant my last post (which was probably a bit shit). I was attempting a Star Stories/Oscar Gold angle.

 

Can you see what I did with chapter 4 though?

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No worries, I wasn't in any way offended. I'm not at my sharpest after having virtually no sleep last night. Probably explains the crap subliminal Depeche Mode stuff in the last part of that post.

 

I reckon it'll be like that American Dad Oscar Gold clip with added flattery towards Simon Cowell and his strangely square hairdo.

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No worries, I wasn't in any way offended. I'm not at my sharpest after having virtually no sleep last night. Probably explains the crap subliminal Depeche Mode stuff in the last part of that post.

 

I reckon it'll be like that American Dad Oscar Gold clip with added flattery towards Simon Cowell and his strangely square hairdo.

I did think of 'Everything Counts' as it happens (class tune btw) although I didn't actually think that was what you were getting at.

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