Dirty Talk

[Happy Face 29]

Who has a bash at the old sex talk when they're getting intimate? I don't even try because I couldn't keep a straight face "How pet, you're geet lush. If the new currency was cock I'd be Bill Gates - now get your laughing gear around this."

 

Anyone have any good lines I can try?

 

 

I am a woman in my forties and have always enjoyed sex.My new partner is great in bed but he constantly talks dirty and it turns me off. Can you help?

 

Suzi Godson is a sex writer and columnist. She says:

 

There is a strong argument to be made for men being forced to take an exam in creative discourse before they’re allowed to “talk dirty” because most male attempts at verbal arousal leave women wanting to stuff a sock in their mouth. Maybe it is because men are not as narrative-orientated as women.

 

According to the National Literacy Trust, boys perform worse than girls in all literacyrelated tasks and tests, and most women would agree that this is a discrepancy that never really resolves itself. Although men don’t appear to have much of an affinity with words, research (and, let’s face it, personal experience) shows that they respond well to images.

 

Edward O. Laumann, in the US’s biggest sex survey (Sex, Love and Health in America, 2000), reported that men are four times more likely to look at sexually explicit material than women and they don’t like to waste time with text, preferring pictures that leave little to the imagination. Needless to say, this does nothing to improve their erotic idiom. The standard sexual script of group fantasies, or threat of intent, are usually lifted from the porn mag they ’ve just been reading and, for women, it’s as exciting as shopping with toddlers in tow.

 

Talking dirty works only if it is seductive, if it drags a woman into a relevant erotic script and makes her feel that she is colluding in a fantasy with a partner who has managed to decode her hidden desires. No, I’ve never met a man who could do that either, but for those who want to learn, it’s the difference between: “I’m taking off your stockings because I realise I’ve been much too lenient with you, my little vixen”; and “I’m going to strip you naked and f*** you”. Both statements essentially say the same thing but one entices while the other offends (that’s the second one, guys). Unfortunately, few men seem able to intuit this subtle distinction. Although lots of women hate it when their man breaks out in X-rated vocabulary, they can’t bring themselves to say anything to him at the time. Instead of whispering “Shhh” or sticking their tongue in his mouth they let their poor unsuspecting partner hang himself, oblivious that every word he utters tightens the noose.

 

Ironically, this is just old-fashioned female insecurity. Women worry that if they express their distaste they’ll come across as uptight or prudish, so they bite their lips. Which is absurd, really, because men are not as judgmental as women and most guys would be grateful to be told that the script they have been delivering for years has been going down like a lead balloon.

 

The other aspect that women find frightening is the thought of having the tables turned on them. If they criticise their partners’ verbal talents they risk being asked to put their money where their mouth is, and they fear that they wouldn’t be any better at it. It creates a classic sexual impasse: he doesn’t know what she wants so he presses on and hopes for the best; she doesn’t know how to express what it is that she wants so she says nothing and lies back thinking of England.

 

Fortunately, it is a quandary that can be rectified by anyone with a good grasp of the two big C words, communication and co-operation. If you want the French singer Serge Gainsbourg tickling your fancy not the porn movie star Ron Jeremy taking you prisoner, it’s up to you to say so. Or, stuff a sock in your own mouth. He’ll get the message, eventually.

Edited July 30, 2005 by Happy Face

[Matt 0]

"Men are dumb. They like pictures"

[The Fish 10962]

never got the whole dirty talk thing... I mean all she can say back is "baaaaaa"

 

am I right or am I right?