World Cup 2010

[Isegrim 9775]

All you have to know about South Africa (probably already posted or to be found on snopes.com):

 

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).

 

 

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much youve been drinking.

 

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

 

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )

A: So its true what they say about Swedes...

 

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffreys Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

 

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )

A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

 

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

 

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )

A: No, WE don t stink.

 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather

 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

 

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )

A: Not yet, but for you, we ' ll import them.

 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can di spense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

 

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but youll have to learn it first.

[OTF 7295]

That's an 'updated' version of an Australian 'joke'.

[tinofbeans 91]

Gerrard is the best midfielder in the PL in my opinion.

 

A also think if you take Xavi out of Barcelona and put him in a team like Bolton he'd be so average. He relies on other players to make angles for him. Gerrard relies on himself.

 

I kind of agree with that statement, but xavi is also an excellent free kick expert and plays deeper than gerrard. his ability to keep possesion and change the tempo of the game are pretty spectacular. however in a side with limited players such as bolton ( for example) he'd have a lot more work to do. he'd improve the side but to what extent i'm not sure....

 

i do not by any way think gerrard is the best midfielder in the world but he holds several key attributes for liverpoo and england. he can play all of the midfield positions, and as a second forward. he's possibly one of the most instinctive footballers i've ever seen.... in terms of being in the right place at the right time to score or pass.... at the very highest level... its just such a shame he's a cheating diver.

[Happy Face 29]

I thought this was the official thread.