If I was President

[ewerk 31470]

• Ban anyone who pronounces school as skewl
  
• Ban anyone who's initial reasons for supporting the club involved Kevin Keegan, and people from out of the area have to have a good excuse for not supporting their local club (parentage, moved away etc) and yes you can only have one club
  
• Open a standing area for 25,000 people somewhere in the ground, thus raising capacity to over 65,000
  
• Free admittance for the unemployed who can prove they are looking for a job
  
• Impose a maximum wage of 40k a week, even in the Premiership, with unparalelled performance related pay
  
• Demand maximum away allocations at every ground
  
• Get rid of stewards in Level 7 and OB, letting the fans police themselves for all games
  

 

About as likely to ever happen as some of the policies spouted by your BNP mates.

Tired and desperate

 

Try coming up with more than two policies that could actually work then.

They could all work. The skewl one is a bit harsh as it would probably rule out the likes of Tom, J69, Happy Face, Ketsbaia and Jonny, none of which have a full blown mackem accent, but I just don't like hearing Wearside accents at the match personally. The second one probably couldn't work, shame though. The rest could easily work, and at the end of the day the question was what would you try to implement if you were president.

 

[*]Open a standing area for 25,000 people somewhere in the ground, thus raising capacity to over 65,000 - Currently against H&S regulations, if you want to change this then vote Lib Dem.

[*]Free admittance for the unemployed who can prove they are looking for a job - You reckon all unemployed fans should go down to SJP every week with newspaper cuttings of the jobs they've applied for?

[*]Impose a maximum wage of 40k a week, even in the Premiership, with unparalelled performance related pay - It may work

[*]Demand maximum away allocations at every ground - No problems with that

[*]Get rid of stewards in Level 7 and OB, letting the fans police themselves for all games - Once again the Council would never let it happen

[Guest alex]

The unemployed one's a good idea imo. I wouldn't go along with the proving they're looking for work bit if it meant proving it to the club as that would probably be an administrative nightmare and how could NUFC actually do it? You could do it via a scheme with local Job Centres or something like that though. I might also charge a nominal fee to get in just to deter Mackems and so on. I'd also like to see school kids given free tickets when it isn't going to be a sell-out.

[NJS 4446]

The unemployed one's a good idea imo. I wouldn't go along with the proving they're looking for work bit if it meant proving it to the club as that would probably be an administrative nightmare and how could NUFC actually do it? You could do it via a scheme with local Job Centres or something like that though. I might also charge a nominal fee to get in just to deter Mackems and so on. I'd also like to see school kids given free tickets when it isn't going to be a sell-out.

 

I don't know how job centres work these days but isn't it possible to give a point for every job applied for and then give out points based tickets?

 

 

Agree with the kids - there was never anything wrong imo with the Mackems doing that as long as they hadn't bragged about the crowd size at the same time.

[Ketsbaia 0]

• Ban anyone who pronounces school as skewl
  
• Ban anyone who's initial reasons for supporting the club involved Kevin Keegan, and people from out of the area have to have a good excuse for not supporting their local club (parentage, moved away etc) and yes you can only have one club
  
• Open a standing area for 25,000 people somewhere in the ground, thus raising capacity to over 65,000
  
• Free admittance for the unemployed who can prove they are looking for a job
  
• Impose a maximum wage of 40k a week, even in the Premiership, with unparalelled performance related pay
  
• Demand maximum away allocations at every ground
  
• Get rid of stewards in Level 7 and OB, letting the fans police themselves for all games
  

 

About as likely to ever happen as some of the policies spouted by your BNP mates.

Tired and desperate

 

Try coming up with more than two policies that could actually work then.

The skewl one is a bit harsh as it would probably rule out the likes of Tom, J69, Happy Face, CT, Jawdee, Ketsbaia and Jonny, none of which have a full blown mackem accent, but I just don't like hearing Wearside accents at the match personally. The second one probably couldn't work, shame though. The rest could easily work, and at the end of the day the question was what would you try to implement if you were president.

 

Hoo! Fuck off cuntface, I pronounce things proper I do.

[Guest alex]

Gave the game away with the first word there

[Happy Face 29]

• Ban anyone who pronounces school as skewl
  
• Ban anyone who's initial reasons for supporting the club involved Kevin Keegan, and people from out of the area have to have a good excuse for not supporting their local club (parentage, moved away etc) and yes you can only have one club
  
• Open a standing area for 25,000 people somewhere in the ground, thus raising capacity to over 65,000
  
• Free admittance for the unemployed who can prove they are looking for a job
  
• Impose a maximum wage of 40k a week, even in the Premiership, with unparalelled performance related pay
  
• Demand maximum away allocations at every ground
  
• Get rid of stewards in Level 7 and OB, letting the fans police themselves for all games
  

 

About as likely to ever happen as some of the policies spouted by your BNP mates.

Tired and desperate

 

Try coming up with more than two policies that could actually work then.

The skewl one is a bit harsh as it would probably rule out the likes of Tom, J69, Happy Face, CT, Jawdee, Ketsbaia and Jonny, none of which have a full blown mackem accent,

 

 

Textbook Stevie.

 

Slagging lads you've never spoken to for speaking mackem is up there with slagging off women you've never seen as ugly fuckers.

 

I'd have a smoking stand and move the away fans into the bottom of the Milburn, where it's empty these days.

[Guest Stevie]

[Happy Face 29]

 

Fuck's that orange thing?

 

Looks like a Sesame Street fish.

[Craig 6700]

Give the Gallowgate it's true meaning back and hang the pair of shitehawks.....

 

I'm serious.

[Craig 6700]

I'm evidently banned under Stevie's rules then... Keegan was my reason for getting interested in NUFC but it was in '82, not '92.

[Andrew 4954]

I'm evidently banned under Stevie's rules then... Keegan was my reason for getting interested in NUFC but it was in '82, not '92.

I wasn't born early enough

 

not that it matters I dont have the right postcode

[snakehips 0]

 

Fuck's that orange thing?

 

Looks like a Sesame Street fish.

 

It's the fish equivalent of Phil Brown.

[Happy Face 29]

 

Fuck's that orange thing?

 

Looks like a Sesame Street fish.

 

It's the fish equivalent of Phil Brown.

 

Don't think much of Stevie's Mrs mind

[paddy 17]

 

Fuck's that orange thing?

 

Looks like a Sesame Street fish.

 

It's the fish equivalent of Phil Brown.

would that be 'fillet' Brown??

 

TAXI!!!

[The Fish 11053]

get proper ball boys in

replace the real names of the stands

sell the food rights to Greggs the bakers

have decent lagers on tap

have something like Stevie's wage cap idea. A decent salary but the potential to earn a lot of money if you play well.

fine players if they're in the papers for the wrong reasons

I'd ban players cars from the training ground, or have some kind of car-sharing thing in place.

Sit down with the manager, the coaches, the scouts etc. and come up with a five year plan. Investing in young local talent, and don't kneejerk at every stumbling block.

Get used to being vilified

[Ketsbaia 0]

get proper ball boys in

 

 

My brother thinsk i'm a fucking loon for going on about this every matchday.

[Guest alex]

I would go as far as to say it's actually something you notice when a ball boy knows what the fuck they're doing at SJP.

[Ketsbaia 0]

It's something that needs sorting like. I'm all for getting the kids involved but I genuinely think it fucks up the game. You can put your money on a duo of overexcited three year olds kicking two balls on the pitch just when we're in the middle of a great spell of pressure and slowing the whole thing down.

 

We should bring back Chayton tbh.

[peasepud 59]

Oh aye but when I bang on about it week in week out Im a kiddy hating bastard! This is actually one of the first things Im personally putting forward if when we own it. Ball boys could be the difference between winning a game or not, in fact although Id not go as far as saying it would have happened, that additional point last season would have been more likely with proper trained ball boys who get the ball out quick when we're behind and take a little more time when we're not. Dry the ball for our throw ins, dont for theirs etc etc

 

In fact Craig is going to be brought in as a consultant to train the kids on the old skool methods.

 

As for the unemployed idea, I wouldnt give it to the unemployed as such but I would go for those that have taken part in community work (not the Joey Barton kind) in the last few weeks. Something along the lines of that Orange Rock Corps

[Happy Face 29]

Oh aye but when I bang on about it week in week out Im a kiddy hating bastard! This is actually one of the first things Im personally putting forward if when we own it. Ball boys could be the difference between winning a game or not, in fact although Id not go as far as saying it would have happened, that additional point last season would have been more likely with proper trained ball boys who get the ball out quick when we're behind and take a little more time when we're not. Dry the ball for our throw ins, dont for theirs etc etc

 

In fact Craig is going to be brought in as a consultant to train the kids on the old skool methods.

 

As for the unemployed idea, I wouldnt give it to the unemployed as such but I would go for those that have taken part in community work (not the Joey Barton kind) in the last few weeks. Something along the lines of that Orange Rock Corps

 

The happy middle ground?

 

Unemployed ball boys of course.

[Geordiejihad 0]

Issue a Fatwa against the Infidels Ashley , Llambias , Kinnear and Wise.

Re re re appoint The Prophet (Sir) Kevin Keegan (Peace be upon him )

Make Gazza Ents secretary

Hang the bloodied bodies of The Infidels outside St James Park - AS A WARNING TO OTHERS...

Allow fans to drink WHILST watching the match (ie in your seat)

Triple the price of Prawn Sandwiches

Make all non posh food outlets non profit making

Shola ...as Tony Montana said "We Goin to cancel his fockin contrac" ....

Get some proper food in the ground ; Kebabs , Curries , Chinkies etc on an All you can eat basis

Do the same with drink : )

[Billy Castell 0]

If I wanted to make Newcastle a force again:

 

1. Ship out Geremi and Butt for whatever I could get.

2. Name the Stadium St. James' Park

3. Introduce Stevie's wage structure

4. Honour Hughton's 18 month contract, then review how things have gone on over that period.

5. Try to find great youth coaches, and research how the better teams are organising their system.

6. Put Bobby Robson's charity on the shirts whenever Newcastle play Sunderland

7. Introduce a scheme whereby season ticket holders can buy a share in the club, and can vote on certain issues in the running of the club (I'd have to look into how its done in Spain).

 

 

If I let my support for Blackburn get in the way:

 

1. Ship out Geremi, Butt and Collocini to fund a £5m bid for Keith Andrews, Jason Roberts and Keith Treacy

2. Take on Paul Jones and Alan Doran on loan from Blackburn

3. Give Blackburn £7m for nicking Shay Given

4. Introduce a bonus scheme that rewards the players with riches whenever they beat Spurs, Burnley or Arsenal.

5. Make the team come out to Final Countdown by Europe (Just so you all know what it was like).

 

If I wanted to be as mad as the former leader of Turkmenistan, and less popular than Ashley:

 

1. Red and white striped away shirts

2. Rename the stadium the Asda Soccerdome@Hawaythelads.com

3. Name Peter Reid as Director of Football with Dennis Wise as manager on £35,000 p/w 5 year contracts

4. Replace the normal stands with same scale bouncy castle stands

5. Give Nicky Butt a player/coach role with a 5 year, £65,000 p/w contract

6. Sign John Leslie to play in central defence

7. Ban all left handed people from the stadium, including players

8. Make the stewards wear giant fluresent baby grows (like George Dawes)

9. Ball boys will all be called Norbert by all staff. Even if their name is not Norbert.

10. The team will come out to the national anthem of Chad

11. Insist that all players must have beards

[Guest Stevie]

If I wanted to make Newcastle a force again:

 

1. Ship out Geremi and Butt for whatever I could get.

2. Name the Stadium St. James' Park

3. Introduce Stevie's wage structure

4. Honour Hughton's 18 month contract, then review how things have gone on over that period.

5. Try to find great youth coaches, and research how the better teams are organising their system.

6. Put Bobby Robson's charity on the shirts whenever Newcastle play Sunderland

7. Introduce a scheme whereby season ticket holders can buy a share in the club, and can vote on certain issues in the running of the club (I'd have to look into how its done in Spain).

Fantastic idea that Billy, they'd make fortunes as well, especially if we won, and Niall Quinn loves that type of stuff too.

[Tooj 17]

If I wanted to make Newcastle a force again:

 

1. Ship out Geremi and Butt for whatever I could get.

2. Name the Stadium St. James' Park

3. Introduce Stevie's wage structure

4. Honour Hughton's 18 month contract, then review how things have gone on over that period.

5. Try to find great youth coaches, and research how the better teams are organising their system.

6. Put Bobby Robson's charity on the shirts whenever Newcastle play Sunderland

7. Introduce a scheme whereby season ticket holders can buy a share in the club, and can vote on certain issues in the running of the club (I'd have to look into how its done in Spain).

Fantastic idea that Billy, they'd make fortunes as well, especially if we won, and Niall Quinn loves that type of stuff too.

If we had the financial clout I'd have it that way already. Something of which I'm sure the charity would abide by also.

[Happy Face 29]

If I wanted to make Newcastle a force again:

 

1. Ship out Geremi and Butt for whatever I could get.

2. Name the Stadium St. James' Park

3. Introduce Stevie's wage structure

4. Honour Hughton's 18 month contract, then review how things have gone on over that period.

5. Try to find great youth coaches, and research how the better teams are organising their system.

6. Put Bobby Robson's charity on the shirts whenever Newcastle play Sunderland

7. Introduce a scheme whereby season ticket holders can buy a share in the club, and can vote on certain issues in the running of the club (I'd have to look into how its done in Spain).

Fantastic idea that Billy, they'd make fortunes as well, especially if we won, and Niall Quinn loves that type of stuff too.

If we had the financial clout I'd have it that way already. Something of which I'm sure the charity would abide by also.

 

6. Put Bobby Robson's charity on the shirts if Newcastle play Sunderland