Jimbo 172 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics...-in-bottom.html A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom - and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked. The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game. The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals. Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation. Speaking of the vicar, A & E nurse Trudi Watson, of Sheffield's Northern General Hospital, said: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato. "But it's not for me to question his story. He had to undergo surgery to have it removed." She advised anyone tempted to use such objects in sex games to think again. "It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening," she said. "Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result." A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: "Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents. "But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 "But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way." ...by discussing it in a national daily newspaper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I'd imagine Meenz would be the source of proper advice in such matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Bet he was sick as a chip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 14000 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Pew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I bet he didn't discuss it at his next mash. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I bet he didn't discuss it at his next mash. ... No, he just waffle'd on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Chip bottie!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniffer 0 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Isn't this old news? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 172 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 Isn't this old news? Olden, but golden Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41318 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Chip bottie!! Potato wedgies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15115 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I'd imagine Meenz would be the source of proper advice in such matters. I'd imagine he wouldn't be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2204 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Typically we hear nothing of the fate of the potato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2204 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. What was the flavour of the soup? Was that story about Marianne Faithfull and the Mars Bar just an urban myth? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 20420 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. What was the flavour of the soup? Was that story about Marianne Faithfull and the Mars Bar just an urban myth? Yes. http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/marsbar.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 29489 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. Oh aye, guys you worked with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 7058 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 How many people have curtains in there kitchen these days anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 What was the flavour of the soup? Clam chowder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonGoodwyn 1 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. An old teacher of mine confessed the 'doing the mars bar' - years of hilarious mars bar related buffoonery ensued Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reminds me of a true story from the mists of time. Two guys I worked with a very long time ago, were seeing how many tomotoes they could insert into an old prostitute's fanny I don't know the size of the tomatoes, but I'm fairly sure the total was 7. Oh, and the tomatoes ended up going in the soup afterwards. Believe it, or believe it not, that is a true story. Remind me to tell you the one about the mars bar and the cook some time. Oh aye, guys you worked with It wasn't me. If it had been I would tell you, I have no problem with 'my past' - good, or stupid. The prostitute's name was Lavinia. She was about 60 at the time (must be 25+ years ago now). Oh, and JonG, there was no female involved in the mars bar story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 7058 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Lavinia Ketchupuz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Lavinia Ketchupuz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Castell 0 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 This thread is hilarious. Reminds me of a certain Wayne Mycock which in itself is worth a smile. He was known at school as mars bar for the reasons in this topic. There was also Jason Wigley who was called cheese for allegedly wanking on some mints and eating them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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