Smooth Operator

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Would you let this man look after your dog?

 

Extract from the Evening Chronicle:

 

"A drunk who claimed he had been raped by a dog was today jailed for 12 months by a judge. Daniel Lawrenson, 26, nephew of ex-Liverpool player, Mark Lawrenson, was arrested by police after a passing motorist and his girlfriend found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with him at the side of a road in Walkerville, Newcastle.

 

Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Lawrenson was being attacked by the animal. But when they got closer they saw that he had his trousers round his ankles, was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind (washing the dog).

 

"The defendant mumbled something about the dog having taken a liking to him," said Mr Wacky Jnr. "The couple were extremely offended and sickened by what they saw." Another passing motorist contacted the police and Lawrenson was arrested as he shuffled away with the dog down the road.

 

Lawrenson, of Walkerville, Newcastle, told police "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me it must be my aftershave. He tried to rape me."

 

He repeated the rape allegation at the police station and added "The dog pulled my trousers down." Lawrenson, who has had a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency.

 

His barrister said Lawrenson had no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed.

 

Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Lawrenson "Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness, especially as you also offered a dog sitting service to local residents. I dread to think what's went on in the past.

 

 

What can you expect with an uncle like that?

 

Don't expect to be hearing much from SMO for a while unless they've got Broadband in Durham now, dirty bastard.

[Smooth Operator 10]

 

Uncle Mark taught me everything I know, he's an old pro!

 

Knocked the business on the head now like, thank fuck, what a watse of time although we made a tidy sum in the 2 months we were up and running.

 

But having someone else's dog piss on your living room carpet, shite in your garage and rip your kitchen floor up isn't exactly what I call cricket.

 

Got my own back on the poor excuse for a dog though, caught it with the outside of my left foot and a tooth came flying out it's mouth!

[Jusoda Kid 1]

 

caught it with the outside of my left foot and a tooth came flying out it's mouth!

51705[/snapback]

 

Is that what your wearing around your neck now on an old leather shoe lace, like some sort of trophy

Edited October 31, 2005 by Wacky Jnr

[Smooth Operator 10]

Aye, it's priceless, thinking of sending it to it's owner (along with the invoice for my kitchen floor and the deep cleaning of my living room carpet) with a note attached saying - you forgot this when you picked him up, it fell out during one of our bonding sessions!