Park Life 71 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Wanting entrance of subsidiary character by ch 4.... Where is your hooker documentary set in Hamburg anyways? Funding issues. Everyone is suddenly short of cash. Also been sidetracked by the local film fund who asked for proposal (has to be in next week). Thought I'd just nick Cid mcp's idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc-mag 1 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Wanting entrance of subsidiary character by ch 4.... Where is your hooker documentary set in Hamburg anyways? "I heard he hit a prostitute" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Wanting entrance of subsidiary character by ch 4.... Where is your hooker documentary set in Hamburg anyways? "I heard he hit a prostitute" They are quite camera shy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Cid, Thanks, started reading it this morning. 5 pages in. Why is it so dialogue heavy (so far)? What is the city like? What is the mood? Seems little scene setting or internal (thoughts) of our hero (first person screams for it). Need to take him sideways (too plot driven in parts). Wanted to carry on reading...Which is a good sign. The gun shop scene is very well written you might think about starting there, as it sets up questions in the readers mind. Imagine the power of going from the gun shop scene to the (as is) first scene where he trying to get that girl back for a serious talk!! Just a thought. It's a matter of style, but I'd start there before you lay out your stall of answers....But I don't really like answers till after the middle (keeps things cooking). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21038 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Cid, Thanks, started reading it this morning. 5 pages in. Why is it so dialogue heavy (so far)? What is the city like? What is the mood? Seems little scene setting or internal (thoughts) of our hero (first person screams for it). Need to take him sideways (too plot driven in parts). Wanted to carry on reading...Which is a good sign. The gun shop scene is very well written you might think about starting there, as it sets up questions in the readers mind. Imagine the power of going from the gun shop scene to the (as is) first scene where he trying to get that girl back for a serious talk!! Just a thought. It's a matter of style, but I'd start there before you lay out your stall of answers....But I don't really like answers till after the middle (keeps things cooking). Erm, Parky mate, you might want to consider leaving this to PM since none of us has access to this manuscript! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Cid, Thanks, started reading it this morning. 5 pages in. Why is it so dialogue heavy (so far)? What is the city like? What is the mood? Seems little scene setting or internal (thoughts) of our hero (first person screams for it). Need to take him sideways (too plot driven in parts). Wanted to carry on reading...Which is a good sign. The gun shop scene is very well written you might think about starting there, as it sets up questions in the readers mind. Imagine the power of going from the gun shop scene to the (as is) first scene where he trying to get that girl back for a serious talk!! Just a thought. It's a matter of style, but I'd start there before you lay out your stall of answers....But I don't really like answers till after the middle (keeps things cooking). Erm, Parky mate, you might want to consider leaving this to PM since none of us has access to this manuscript! It makes for nice thread. I will PM him other things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 4669 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 Im enjoying it. Its just like a reaaly good film editor who can cut and chop and re-assemble the whole piece into an attention grabbing story. I quite often watch a film and think this is a very good tale, ruined by the editing. Usually not enough! On the other hand it can be really hard for the original "creative" to take as they usually either dont want any left out or like it the way it is, hence the directors cut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Im enjoying it. Its just like a reaaly good film editor who can cut and chop and re-assemble the whole piece into an attention grabbing story. I quite often watch a film and think this is a very good tale, ruined by the editing. Usually not enough! On the other hand it can be really hard for the original "creative" to take as they usually either dont want any left out or like it the way it is, hence the directors cut. I love going through other poeples work and hate looking at my own. But yes, the creative really wants to get everything in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 4669 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 Im enjoying it. Its just like a reaaly good film editor who can cut and chop and re-assemble the whole piece into an attention grabbing story. I quite often watch a film and think this is a very good tale, ruined by the editing. Usually not enough! On the other hand it can be really hard for the original "creative" to take as they usually either dont want any left out or like it the way it is, hence the directors cut. I love going through other poeples work and hate looking at my own. But yes, the creative really wants to get everything in. I used to hate it when the ad agency told me there was no way my 45 second radio script could be condensed to fit the 30 seconds allowed! Luckily I found Gambachini and all my prayers were answered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cid_MCDP 0 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 (edited) Wanting entrance of subsidiary character by ch 4.... Where is your hooker documentary set in Hamburg anyways? Funding issues. Everyone is suddenly short of cash. Also been sidetracked by the local film fund who asked for proposal (has to be in next week). Thought I'd just nick Cid mcp's idea. Lols, good luck with that idea. I've had soooooo much success flogging it over here. Cid, Thanks, started reading it this morning. 5 pages in. Why is it so dialogue heavy (so far)? What is the city like? What is the mood? Seems little scene setting or internal (thoughts) of our hero (first person screams for it). Need to take him sideways (too plot driven in parts). Wanted to carry on reading...Which is a good sign. The gun shop scene is very well written you might think about starting there, as it sets up questions in the readers mind. Imagine the power of going from the gun shop scene to the (as is) first scene where he trying to get that girl back for a serious talk!! Just a thought. It's a matter of style, but I'd start there before you lay out your stall of answers....But I don't really like answers till after the middle (keeps things cooking). Dude, over the past five years there's been 3 different openings, but that actually hasn't been one of them. Would be a good place to start though, now that you mention it. It's dialogue heavy because of the way I wrote it. Like I mentioned before, I could never get through more than 8,000 words or so of the novels I've started in the past, so this one, I just tried to imagine my ideas like a movie, then wrote what I was seeing in my head. Dunno how effective it was at the end of the day, but it got me 300+ pages worth of stuff for the first time ever. Im enjoying it. Its just like a reaaly good film editor who can cut and chop and re-assemble the whole piece into an attention grabbing story. I quite often watch a film and think this is a very good tale, ruined by the editing. Usually not enough! On the other hand it can be really hard for the original "creative" to take as they usually either dont want any left out or like it the way it is, hence the directors cut. Please. Since writing that book, I've quit my teaching job and worked as industrial maintenance, IT support, and a manufacturing engineer. The past five years I've done everything from work on robots to fucking toilets and waste sumps. I can take other people's shit . Literally and figuratively. Edited March 26, 2009 by Cid_MCDP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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