Fat waste of space, tactically inept cabbage head Steve Bruce sacked by Newcastle United

[Dr Gloom 22139]

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

[Dougle 3384]

39 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, we have the flags of Israel and the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, both of which are rendered direct from Windows 95-era clip-art and appear to be peeling at the edges. We can go ahead and presume the design brief was to make them flutter like flags do, but Bruce appears to have hired the one graphic designer in Huddersfield who has never witnessed an object in motion.

I’m also going to guess they couldn’t nail down image rights for Steve Bruce’s deputy here, which is why they settled on just disguising him via the sort of close-crop perm and drawn-on moustache popular among people who wear scouse drag on stag weekends.

And here, at last, is Old Sam the janitor himself, broom in hand. Fun fact: although never explicitly stated in the text, this picture of Sam posits him as the punny “Sweeper”. You’d think the title would be a reference to a player in the free-roaming defensive position mastered by the likes of Franz Beckenbauer or Franco Baresi, but that would be embarrassingly literal, you philistine. 

No such position, player or character is ever referenced in the entire text. In fairness, neither is there a moment within the text where it’s said, or even implied, that Sam is the sweeper either. I can only imagine there was originally a line in the book that made this clear, but it was subsequently left out. God help me, I’ve read the book three times and it isn’t there. This stupid pun is easily the smartest thing in the entire book, and Bruce doesn’t even state it for the record, you just get to the end of the book and realise that’s what it must have meant.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of other smart lines in Sweeper, just check out this bit of gold from Barnes as he exercises some lightning quick math tekkers upon meeting the aforementioned janitor. 

“I started here when I was fifteen, straight from school. And now I’m sixty five. You don’t need a calculator to work that out.”

I did a quick sum.

“Fifty years. You’ve had a good spell, Sam.” 

Lines like this practically invite you to imagine Bruce typing the entire novel with his two index fingers, tongue peeking out from between his gritted teeth

 

Is that real ghost writing?

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 43059]

 

That Steve Barnes on the right looks familiar. 
My mate read the books and apparently Barnesy eats boxes of dry roasted peanuts and loves ham. 

[ohhh_yeah 2991]

On 25/10/2021 at 06:28, Tom said:

Most managers underperforming to that level will have received far, far worse stick. 

 

The media narrative has been absolutely beyond belief, Bruce has been a shit manager for 20 years and this is probably the best treatment he’s received. 

 

 

Yet, was still getting backing from most in the media and not receiving pelters from the stands.

 

[Monkeys Fist 43059]

Got to the second “United” and fucked it off. 

[wykikitoon 20708]

And he backed a rapist.  

[wykikitoon 20708]

Ole did it twice infact. He signed CR7 too  

[wykikitoon 20708]

 

 

 

[Howmanheyman 33819]

3 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

 

 

 

 

[RobinRobin 11541]

13 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

 

 

 

I don't want to say anything about the previous staff, it's disrespectful

And by saying that he is being deliberately disrespectful (and telling the truth).

[Alex 35567]

Thing is about Fraser, he’s just too wee 

[ewerk 31195]

He must have picked up a few shifts in Tesco over Christmas.

[RobinRobin 11541]

That's pretty specific.  Can we throw other vegetables or even fruit?

[Sonatine 11542]

 

[RobinRobin 11541]

Clearly been on a diet 🙂 

[Monkeys Fist 43059]

6 hours ago, Sonatine said:

 

The Ladies haven’t aged well…

[Sonatine 11542]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

The Ladies haven’t aged well…

 

I always wondered if the 56/55 above their heads was their respective ages when that photo was took.

[strawb 4378]

They are a Sunderland 18/19 year old tbh 

[Monkeys Fist 43059]

Number of kids/ number of fathers of said kids. 

[The Fish 10962]

Odds that they have a sofa/old fridge on their lawns.

[Monkeys Fist 43059]

“Lawn” 

[RobinRobin 11541]

55 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Odds that they have a sofa/old fridge on their lawns.

Is this about CT? 🍄

[RobinRobin 11541]

54 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

“Lawn” 

He's posh 

[The Fish 10962]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

“Lawn” 

Couldn't be arsed to type "scratch of weeds in front of their static caravan".

[ewerk 31195]

Seven years ago today. Pretty much every single person in the comments called it right.