Suicide

[magelaide 0]

Now, I've never felt so down or bad about things that I've ever contemplated ending things. But, I have a very dear friend who has just tried, unsuccessfully, for the second time.

 

As you know, I study medicine, and met this beautiful, fun, happy girl through a friend who is also studying medicine (they went to school togeher and both lived in the same residential college where I later moved to). Here I am, a med student thinking that I have to deal with this sort of stuff when I graduate, but never once did it ever enter my mind that I would be watching this girl do this to herself.

 

I think we sometimes get a bit cynical of those who want to suicide. What could possibly be so heartbreaking, so hard that you would have to end it all? In this case, its all over a broken heart. Surely a broken heart can't be that bad that you would want to end it? Hell, I've had a few broken hearts in my time, I've been an absolute mess, but never once have I ever entertained the thought of taking my own life. I'm just dumbfounded, and when I talk to her, she just says that nobody could possibly understand, and we don't. She must love this guy so much to even think of doing what she did (and has done before). I didn't meet him, but was a cynic at first due to the fact that they were involved in a long distance relationship - that must have been hard to deal with in the first place, let alone having to deal with the break up of a long distance relationship. It turns out that there is so much to her story that she has just kept to herself, tried to deal with alone. I was shocked to hear of an unwanted pregnancy and all the trappings that go with that. Even hurt over the fact that she didn't come to me at the time - I'm studying medicine and she didn't even think to come to me. I guess her reasoning behind why she didn't makes sense - why would you want to take yourself to someone in such a situation? I think it's a reflection of our society - people are scared of being judged by others, scared of showing any sign of weakness or just plain scared of having people feel sorry for them. I can't even begin to imagine what deep, dark place she is in to want to harm herself.

 

I just don't know what to do, and that scares me more than this guy not loving her scares her. I just passed it off as an obsession, but now that the unwanted pregnancy and the like has come to the surface - it makes perfect sense. There's so much that they shared that she believes she will never get to experience with anyone else. It's just not true - she's such a beautiful girl that it will happen one day, but she just wont reason with anyone. She must love him unconditionally to still want to be with him - I know that I would never want anything to do with him again.

 

It's just all too much at the moment. All of her closest friends are sitting back and having to watch her self destruct. I'm just terrified that one day she won't be able to self destruct anymore. That one day she will be successful and she wil die thinking that shes not worth anything. I'm feeling so helpless at the moment. Here's someone I love as much as a sister (I'm an only child, so we have a strong bond), and she's living a life that you think only rings true in the movies.

 

Just this very moment she pleaded with me to let her email her ex-boyfriend. I couldn't exactly stop her from doing it because I can't even comprehend the magnitude of the love she has for him. I just hope that this beautiful young life is preserved, and that she dies an old, old lady - surrounded by the family she so deeply wants and has been told (medically) that she may not be able to have. Life can be cruel, we all know that, but sometimes we just don't understand how other people feel, think and act. I'm not so sure that I even want to.

 

I hope that there's something out there for her. That somewhere there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Someone to hold her and love her and appreciate her as much as she deserves to be appreciated.

 

I'm so very scared and confused and want to do my best to help her. I've had no experience in this. I was prepared to expect to have to deal with it in my career in the medical profession - but never in the prime of my life, our lives, where we should all be happy. She blames the guy for all of this - but I don't buy that. He seemed to be unhappy and she just fobbed it off. She just can't see that what she wants is what will make her happy, and yet he has only done what has made him happy.

 

I'm so sorry for the rant. I guess having moved here from interstate to study, that the only people I can really turn to are within our cirle of friends - and they are all trying to process the same information.

 

I know it's such a personal topic, but if anyone has any thoughts/experiences with such matters, your input would be very much appreciated.

 

Life is such a beautiful, yet speedy gift and I couldn't bear to see her waste it.

 

Steph.

[Rob W 0]

She has to heal herself and really only time will do that

 

I think you all (all her friends) have to be around, keep talking to her - not some sort of attempt to "cure" her - just to keep her ticking over in normal life

 

You can help her to see that she has a life and friends with or without her bloke - "all things must pass" - get her to take it one day at a time.

 

It's harrowing stuff for you (and much much worse for her) but by showing that she IS valued and loved by her friends and relations you can give her a chance

 

Good luck

[Jimbo 174]

Professional help is needed, not advice from football fans, talk to the samaritans and other organisations even if you are suporting a friend followning an attempt you can help and there are people out there that can help you both.

 

http://www.rdg.ac.uk/counselling/counselli...fterSuicide.htm

[Rob W 0]

well football fans are also people who might have been there as well .........

 

I think Magelaide is looking for some advice from people she trusts AS WELL AS the sort of "professional" help - which can be a bit off putting and impersonal

 

God knows they all need all the help & supprt anyone can give them.......

[Jimbo 174]

Persons in and around a suicide situation need professional help and advice.

[themags 0]

i'm with Jimbo on this, at least can some advice for yourself, so you can try to understand/help your friend a bit better

[Rob W 0]

I'm not disagreeing just saying AND as well

[ChocChip 0]

How very, very tragic. I'm even younger than you and would feel woefully inadequate when faced with such trauma so my thoughts aren't worth pittance.

Your clearly in a desperate situation yourself so, as the wiser ones here have already said, let those people who know the lay of the land help you all through this.

I wish you all the very best.

[Brock Manson 0]

Professional help is needed, not advice from football fans, talk to the samaritans and other organisations even if you are suporting a friend followning an attempt you can help and there are people out there that can help you both.

 

http://www.rdg.ac.uk/counselling/counselli...fterSuicide.htm

47586[/snapback]

 

The Samaritans are good, they've an email which is confidential and they get back to you in about a day.

Or just tell her to pick up a phone and dial a counsellor.

[shakermaker 0]

i wonder why magelaide needs to bring this to at least the 2nd nufc forum ? yes it's a sad situation but have you tried looking elsewhere for solace(as alredy suggested "the samaritans",wants makes you think football fans will give any helpful insight)

[Smooth Operator 10]

An old friend of mine recently committed suicide, i hadn't seem him for a while and we were more mates when we were at school from ages 9 to 14.

 

I still saw him occasionally as we were both mates with certain people and we'd all cross paths every few months. It was a total shock to me and after talking to some of his closest friends i came to understand that in these situations even the closest friends and family of the person concerned sometimes cannot do anything to help and that the best possible help for the individual is from professionals.

 

Sadly in this case professional help still wasn't enough.

[Jusoda Kid 1]

I'm not sure what's the most depressing, this thread or a double bill of Eastenders.

 

 

Ring the samaritans, simple, if she won't do that tell her to do the job properly next time and stop dragging everyone close, down with her. Might just be the kick up the arse she needs but if it isn't the consequences will be devastating.

Edited October 20, 2005 by Wacky Jnr

[shakermaker 0]

this could sound bloody awful(geddit) but was the attempted suicide the "pills and vodka "variety..ie it'll scare people but i'll survive,or the i'll stand in front of a train,no turning back variety ?

[Kid Dynamite 7009]

I'm not sure what's the most depressing, this thread or a double bill of Eastenders.

 

 

Ring the samaritans, simple, if she won't do that tell her to do the job properly next time and stop dragging everyone close, down with her. Might just be the kick up the arse she needs but if it isn't the consequences will be devastating.

47745[/snapback]

 

agreed, working in a and e i see ten of these every friday and saturday night and struggle to be sympathetic now. we all have problems, some worse than others, but thats life, we have to deal with them. if you want to die you dont take pills, you jump off a bridge or walk in front of a train. all this cry for help stuff is bullshit. you only have 1 person you can truly rely on in life. attempting it and failing it twice suggests to me she doesnt honestly want to die.

[Meenzer 15432]

all this cry for help stuff is bullshit. you only have 1 person you can truly rely on in life. attempting it and failing it twice suggests to me she doesnt honestly want to die.

47779[/snapback]

So doesn't that make it, um, a cry for help?

[magelaide 0]

Thanks for the kind words and sentiments (for the most part).

 

Being a med student, I think that I know just as well as anyone else that she needs prefessional help. She is in fact getting professional help. I'm not that naive that I beleive that her problems will be solved by posting on a Football forum on the Internet.

 

I was more taking the tact of getting people's experience, not in any way asking for help or a 'cure' to her problems.

 

Sorry for the person whom I offended by posting this on two Newcastle Forums. It was my belief that general talk boards on forums are just that - a place to generate discussion.

 

Rest assured it won't happen again - I think I will stick to the 'other' forum from now on.

 

Thanks again to those who offered constructive advice. It's much appreciated.

[Renton 21393]

I'm not sure what's the most depressing, this thread or a double bill of Eastenders.

 

 

Ring the samaritans, simple, if she won't do that tell her to do the job properly next time and stop dragging everyone close, down with her. Might just be the kick up the arse she needs but if it isn't the consequences will be devastating.

47745[/snapback]

 

agreed, working in a and e i see ten of these every friday and saturday night and struggle to be sympathetic now. we all have problems, some worse than others, but thats life, we have to deal with them. if you want to die you dont take pills, you jump off a bridge or walk in front of a train. all this cry for help stuff is bullshit. you only have 1 person you can truly rely on in life. attempting it and failing it twice suggests to me she doesnt honestly want to die.

47779[/snapback]

 

Nice. Do yourself a favour and get another job that doesn't involve dealing with people, especially vulnerable people.

[Guest alex]

I'm not sure what's the most depressing, this thread or a double bill of Eastenders.

 

 

Ring the samaritans, simple, if she won't do that tell her to do the job properly next time and stop dragging everyone close, down with her. Might just be the kick up the arse she needs but if it isn't the consequences will be devastating.

47745[/snapback]

 

agreed, working in a and e i see ten of these every friday and saturday night and struggle to be sympathetic now. we all have problems, some worse than others, but thats life, we have to deal with them. if you want to die you dont take pills, you jump off a bridge or walk in front of a train. all this cry for help stuff is bullshit. you only have 1 person you can truly rely on in life. attempting it and failing it twice suggests to me she doesnt honestly want to die.

47779[/snapback]

 

Nice. Do yourself a favour and get another job that doesn't involve dealing with people, especially vulnerable people.

47800[/snapback]

I agree Renton. I hope if J69 ever suffers from any form of depression or has any mental health problems in the future he'll find more sympathy than he has for others with that misfortune.

[Jusoda Kid 1]

I'm not sure what's the most depressing, this thread or a double bill of Eastenders.

 

 

Ring the samaritans, simple, if she won't do that tell her to do the job properly next time and stop dragging everyone close, down with her. Might just be the kick up the arse she needs but if it isn't the consequences will be devastating.

47745[/snapback]

 

agreed, working in a and e i see ten of these every friday and saturday night and struggle to be sympathetic now. we all have problems, some worse than others, but thats life, we have to deal with them. if you want to die you dont take pills, you jump off a bridge or walk in front of a train. all this cry for help stuff is bullshit. you only have 1 person you can truly rely on in life. attempting it and failing it twice suggests to me she doesnt honestly want to die.

47779[/snapback]

 

 

Fully agree J69 and IMO posts like this shouldn't be made on these kind of forums.

 

If anyone thinks I'm an arsehole for posting this then you're right, I'am, but i'm fucking good at it and probably always will be.

 

Fuck you, i mean thank you

 

 

[Guest alex]

Fully agree J69 and IMO posts like this shouldn't be made on these kind of forums.

 

If anyone thinks I'm an arsehole for posting this then you're right, I'am, but i'm fucking good at it and probably always will be.

 

Fuck you, i mean thank you

 

 

47811[/snapback]

50% correct

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Fully agree J69 and IMO posts like this shouldn't be made on these kind of forums.

 

If anyone thinks I'm an arsehole for posting this then you're right, I'am, but i'm fucking good at it and probably always will be.

 

Fuck you, i mean thank you

 

 

47811[/snapback]

50% correct

47812[/snapback]

[k4t0 0]

J69 and renton are bang on the button imo.

 

The girl involved needs to look at life and realise that theres more to it, friends can help her see this.

 

All the cry for help stuff is bad news, shows shes hurting but she needs to stop doing it, in reality she cant accept that its over and she probably believes by hurting or attempting suicide it will bring him back to her. She doesnt want to end her life, shes being selfish, love can do that to people.

 

Most likely not going to happen, you, as a friend need to help her get on with things. One day at a time.

 

Id tell her to face facts, tell her it how it is, then support her through it.

It might seem a dry slap for her at the minute but its the only way forward.

 

Once she faces up to the truth and deals with it she can only stand to get better and in turn get on with life.

[Kid Dynamite 7009]

Im sorry that some people are offended by my comments but I thought the whole point of message boards was to put across your own views and opinions. unfortunately I encounter more attempted suicides (fake or real) than probably anyone else on this entire board. perhaps that clouds my judgment but to all the medical students on here, work 12months in A and E and lets see if your attitude changes. when you are doing a 12 hour night shift, you got a kid with meningitis, an RTA in resus with 2 broken legs etc. etc. etc. and you are the only doctor on shift lets see how much sympathy you have for the 18year old who took 20paracetomol cos her boyfriend dumped her.

 

Personally my sympathy will go to the patients who have the misfortune to be genuinally ill and whose pain is not self inflicted.

[Guest alex]

I wasn't offended, I just think you're insensitive. If someone takes an overdose for whatever reasons, they clearly have problems and need help. Obviously you may not agree with my view.

Edited October 21, 2005 by alex

[Renton 21393]

Im sorry that some people are offended by my comments but I thought the whole point of message boards was to put across your own views and opinions. unfortunately I encounter more attempted suicides (fake or real) than probably anyone else on this entire board. perhaps that clouds my judgment but to all the medical students on here, work 12months in A and E and lets see if your attitude changes. when you are doing a 12 hour night shift, you got a kid with meningitis, an RTA in resus with 2 broken legs etc. etc. etc. and you are the only doctor on shift lets see how much sympathy you have for the 18year old who took 20paracetomol cos her boyfriend dumped her.

 

Personally my sympathy will go to the patients who have the misfortune to be genuinally ill and whose pain is not self inflicted.

47981[/snapback]

 

 

I've worked in A&E before, I still had time to be compassionate for the suicidally depressed. It was the pissed up/drugged up nutters I hated, and I'm sure 99% of A&E staff would agree with me here.

 

Btw you're not a doctor, are you? This seemed implied by your post, that's all.