Banks To Lend You Your Own Money

[Meenzer 15872]

BANKS TO LEND YOU YOUR OWN MONEY

 

THE government is to invest £50bn of your money in British banks so they can lend it back to you with interest.

 

The historic move is being hailed as a lifeline for the financial system as long as nobody asks too many questions.

 

Julian Cook, chief economist at Corbett and Barker, said: "The government will give your money to the banks so the banks can start lending you that money, probably at around 7% APR.

 

"Thanks to all the interest you're paying on your own money, the banks will make billions of pounds again and normality will be restored.

 

"After a few years of this the government will cash in the banks shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge fucking dome somewhere."

 

He added: "In case you hadn't already worked it out - the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you're an idiot."

 

Chancellor Alistair Darling said the decision had been taken in tandem with the banking industry, adding: "They used a lot of dirty words I'd never heard before and one of them had an angry looking dog."

 

Meanwhile, Emma Bradford, a sales manager from Bath, said: "Why doesn't the government just give my money to me so I can buy stuff from businesses who will then make a profit and put it in a bank?"

 

But Mr Darling insisted: "Shut up."

 

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/busines...y-200810081308/

 

I know it's only satire, but gosh, we're a bit fucked.

[NJS 4447]

Isn't satire supposed to mock the truth and not just state it?

[Fop 1]

Isn't satire supposed to mock the truth and not just state it?

 

 

Aye, when you look at that $700b America deal for example, it should be pure comedy, but inexplicably it's not.

 

It's quite a decent chunk each per citizen of the USA.

 

 

 

 

And watching that Lehman Brothers chief getting grilled and yet utterly refusing to admit he'd done anything (at all) wrong should have been a Python sketch.

 

I quite liked line from the senator when obscenely rich banker-IIIV said "I feel peoples pain", which was "from which of your 4 multi-million dollar homes are you currently feeling their pain?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let it all burn I say.

Edited October 8, 2008 by Fop

[trophyshy 7099]

Let it all burn I say.

 

 

[Guest alex]

I saw Bill Drummond not so long ago. He looks like a bloke who'd wished he hadn't burnt a million quid these days.

[trophyshy 7099]

I saw Bill Drummond not so long ago. He looks like a bloke who'd wished he hadn't burnt a million quid these days.

 

They don't talk about it apparently. But then you'd get sick of every single person you ever met calling you a cunt.