Groundcockneyday

[Isegrim 9897]

Newcastle United fans are the club's biggest problem

Matthew Syed

 

Here is a message for the whining, whingeing, self-pitying, self-indulgent and deluded fans on Tyneside, otherwise known as the Toon Army: Kevin Keegan is not the Messiah; Alan Shearer is not an aspect of the trinity; Mike Ashley is not the Devil; Tony Jimenez is not on the secret payroll of Sunderland; and Dennis Wise is not an evil dwarf.

 

Newcastle United are not a “massive” club and do not have a divine right to remain in the Premier League; St James' Park is not the world's greatest stadium; and, in case you were wondering, your team will not break into the top four any time soon, with or without Ashley, Keegan, Wise or any of the other men who are heroes, villains and sometimes both in the febrile imaginations of the world's most whimsical supporters.

 

Oh, and you are not the most loyal, valiant and wonderfully dependable fans on the planet. Check out the attendances when Newcastle were languishing in the second division at the start of the 1990s and you will get the measure of the myth that has clung to the black-and-white-shirted men and women for far too long. That's right, they were often much fewer than 20,000 and with the Gallowgate end partially deserted. Is that what you call loyalty?

 

The banners castigating Ashley for being a southerner during Saturday's comically self-important protest were the final straw for many of us who have long endured the tedious soap opera on Tyneside. That and the ill-informed, conspiracy-laden and melodramatic messages posted on the dozens of message boards that these fans seem to spend their lives reading.

 

Where is the gallows humour, the sense of irony, the satirical edge? Where is the old-fashioned self-mockery that characterises most other groups of English football fans when their team are having a bad time of it?

 

The only way that Newcastle fans are ever going to be truly happy is when they have formed a collective to buy the club and have made a pig's ear, as they inevitably would, of a kind that would make Freddy Shepherd's last remaining strands stand on end. When they have rehired Keegan to manage the team, Shearer to be his assistant and the ghost of Jackie Milburn to do the scouting. When they have got control of the club and discovered that their own volatility makes it practically ungovernable.

 

Sure, passion and commitment are great things and we all know that in a big city with only one football club, there is bound to be a siege mentality and more than a little self-absorption. But many Newcastle fans have turned navel-gazing into an art form. They need to get out more and discover that their beloved club, who have not won a trophy for decades, are virtually unknown beyond these shores. They need a little perspective, not least in terms that passion does not equate to knowledge, nor does enthusiasm equate to expertise on how to run a football club.

 

This is a group of fans who agitated for the sacking of Sam Allardyce after only six months because the football was not pretty enough, even though he had put in place a much-needed science support structure and cleared out the dead wood from the Shepherd era. These are fans who want nothing to do with Ashley because he is from “down South” and because he insisted on a continental scouting system to support a manger who, by his own admission, had not attended a live match for three years and so was the last person who could have done the scouting job.

 

Sure, mistakes were made by Ashley, not least in the appointment of Keegan - something that was bound to end in tears - and in spheres of responsibility not being properly spelt out to the main protagonists. But let's get real. The fundamental problem with Newcastle is no longer the corporate management, but those who used to be described as the club's greatest assets: the fans - or at least those who are making all the noise at present.

 

Best of the web

 

Just who are these clowns ruining our club...this will take light years to recover from. David

 

Bring in the Indians. They would be “Wise” enough to kick out the cockneys and bring Kev back. Val

 

Time for NUFC to be bought out by the fans. If season ticket-holders could find £1,500 for a three-year deal, then why not another 3 or 4 grand each clubbed together and we can buy out Ashley and his motley crew, or even become the majority shareholder. Imagine that - the Toon actually owned and run by its supporters. Ivor Clark

 

I got Wise's autograph at the Emirates in January 2008 - I'm going to dig it out and burn it tonight. Disgusted. Brad

 

As I've groused before, Ashley running this club is nonsense. He's only now getting a clue about what makes NUFC different. Tardonicus

 

Let's face it, whatever the fans do now it's too late to hope that anything constructive can come out of the situation as long as Ashley and the poison dwarf are sitting in the boardroom divvying up our cash. David K

 

Source: blogonthetyne

 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/foo...icle4761813.ece

[peasepud 59]

... and Dennis Wise is not an evil dwarf.

Not a clue son, not a clue.

 

 

Oh, and you are not the most loyal, valiant and wonderfully dependable fans on the planet. Check out the attendances when Newcastle were languishing in the second division at the start of the 1990s and you will get the measure of the myth that has clung to the black-and-white-shirted men and women for far too long. That's right, they were often much fewer than 20,000 and with the Gallowgate end partially deserted. Is that what you call loyalty?

that I take serious umbrage at, we may have had less than 20k but they will have all been in the Gallowgate or Leazes.

 

 

edit: how fucking gay is this twat?

[Sima 0]

Fucking hell. That has to be a pisstake......

[Matt 0]

His name rings a bell- seem to remember some other tosh about us being penned by him before.

 

What a goon.

[acrossthepond 878]

This is a despicable heap of filth, the kind that I imagine pigs would produce rather than grown men with degrees.

 

How more biased and completely not impartial can those first few paragraphs get?

 

Here is a message for the lying, fabricating, ignorant, baying hounds of Fleet Street: You are not good writers. You are not witty, engaging, funny, or truthful. You have no right to talk about our club.

[peasepud 59]

His name rings a bell- seem to remember some other tosh about us being penned by him before.

 

What a goon.

 

Failed Labour candidate as well.

[Mr Lahey 0]

The banners castigating Ashley for being a southerner during Saturday's comically self-important protest were the final straw for many of us who have long endured the tedious soap opera on Tyneside.

 

 

Final straw? Oh no, they won't hold back now!

[Guest Stevie]

By far the worst article written about NUFC. 26,000 average gate in our relegation season till the last three games when we were already doon, above anyone apart from Liverpool Arsenal and Man Utd you fucking cunt, you neglect to mention that or the reason for the under 20000 crowds, i.e Gordon McKeag and our battle to getthe Magpie Group in, you fuckin nonce. Fuck off back to Egypt. Cowardly bastard. I get the impression the journalists are now writing what the masses are wanting to hear. As for not a massive club, whatever s massive club is, if we aren't one, there are only three massive clubs in this country.

Edited September 15, 2008 by Stevie

[Sima 0]

I was so excited when I seen that Stevie had made the last post

 

I wasn't disappointed

[Howay 12496]

This southern wank sure told us, that's probably one of the worst articles I've ever seen and that's a bold statement when you think of all the bollocks written about us. What gives these nonces the right to ever talk about us, has he ever even been to Newcastle? Also if we aren't a "massive" club then stop fucking writing about us and putting television cameras outside the ground leave us be if this was happening at some wank club like Tottenham or West Ham no one would give a fuck there'd be no Northern writers queuing up to write drivel about them or pointing out wank stereotypes like how they all love shandy, cocktails and jellied eels.

Nice post btw Stevie.

[Tom 14013]

By far the worst article written about NUFC. 26,000 average gate in our relegation season till the last three games when we were already doon, above anyone apart from Liverpool Arsenal and Man Utd you fucking cunt, you neglect to mention that or the reason for the under 20000 crowds, i.e Gordon McKeag and our battle to getthe Magpie Group in, you fuckin nonce. Fuck off back to Egypt. Cowardly bastard. I get the impression the journalists are now writing what the masses are wanting to hear. As for not a massive club, whatever s massive club is, if we aren't one, there are only three massive clubs in this country.

 

The article stinks of bitterness but a lot of people are jealous of our fans - regardless of whether they can spell or not. Only Manchester United would have an attendance as big as ours if they had our recent history to their name.

 

We averaged over 50'000 in 1948 and that is immense - what about the 60'000's we were getting for big games in the sixties?

 

People also forget that football was dying on it's arse in the 80's and we still got good attendances, they also forget about economically crises and miners striking - this meant not many people could afford to go to the match - the same as now.

 

Journalists can manipulate statistics and not explain them and a lot of fans in the country will simply lap it up and talk ill of our support.

 

Not many football fans would even know who McKeag is nor would they care about us protesting - it is simply seen as a piss poor attendance.

 

Newcastle United are a special club - even if only to ourselves there is a certain romance about Newcastle United that one simply can't escape - I'm from Durham so I have a slight outsiders perspective but I know something special when I see it.

 

Some people regard Leeds as a big club - yet we have won much more than them and our attendances destroy theirs.

 

People talk about Tottenham being a big club - yet if close scrutiny is applied to their two UEFA cup wins they don't seem to be of any value at all. The 1973 UEFA cup wasn't of much value at all and held the same qualification criteria as the Fairs Cup and the 1984 UEFA cup belonged to Nottingham Forest who were cheated out of it.

 

Newcastle United have the potential to be a huge club - if someone can take Chelsea and make them one of the clubs in Europe,we could follow.

 

At the end of the day we need the right man to come in and sort the club out, Dennis Wise needs to go simply because none of the fans have any respect for him. Jimenez and Vetere need to stay because they have done a wonderful job - however they should merely act as scouts as opposed to directors.

 

Ashley had a plan and I appreciate that - the three tier management system can work but not when their is clearly an inner power struggle.

 

Ashley has to realise that £20m a season is simply not enough to sustain a Premier League football club and keep it competitive. Tottenham won the league cup and their squad is currently worth around £150m if I recall correctly.

 

Portsmouth got quite lucky with the FA Cup and as much as I dislike Redknapp I would rather it was Portsmouth than one of Sky Sports top four.

 

Journalists writing these stories are often unfair, how many of us honeslty expected to break the top four? I wanted to give Europe a shot and see some decent cup runs whilst seeing a team play some good football - which we did under Keegan.

 

The media simply focus on the best story they can find and unfortunetley that tends to come from the ignorant or unedcuated masses. Once a mob as strong as our fan base speaks there is no going back, Ashley's regime undermined and humiliated a club hero and there is no coming back from that.

 

He should sell up to a decent owner and let us be.

 

We desperatley need some stability and we need to get out of the newspapers and just get on with it. It seems that whenever we under perform there has to be a crisis and that is simply because people expect us to do well.

 

We haven't helped matters by appointing less than desirable people, Wise and Barton dont seem to be nice men and Guthrie seems to be heading down the same path.

 

Add this to other muppets like Woodgate,Dyer,Bowyer and hate figures like Fat Freddie and we do become a bit of a nasty club.

 

However so long as people keep reporting and interviewing thick fat men with beer bellies and local charvas the problem will never die, we will be front page news.

 

At the moment it is very depressing for me but the media and fans of other clubs can get to fuck.

 

This mess will be sorted out because Newcastle are a massive asset, we aren't an Aston Villa or a West Ham If anything were to happen to us we would be missed.

 

We are a big club and a massive investment and sooner or later the people with the serious money will realise this.

[The Fish 10963]

Feel good to get that off your chest Tom?

 

[Tom 14013]

Aye.

 

Might have some mini cheddars now.

[Big TRon 0]

Lots of unpalatable truths in that article even if we don't want to hear it. Still, you never know, maybe some Arab will buy us out rather than fuck off back to Egypt like the writer, who's only claim to fame is playing ping pong for his two-bit country.

[Guest stormrider]

It's true, the fans are really the problem. Put yourself in a neutral man's shoes and you'll see what he meant.

[Gemmill 46027]

Please don't email this bloke. It's what he lives for

[David Kelly 1260]

The banners castigating Ashley for being a southerner during Saturday's comically self-important protest were the final straw for many of us who have long endured the tedious soap opera on Tyneside.

 

Well fuck off and stop going on about us then. We don't want you here, we don't want you to write about us and if you feel the same way then everyone is happy aren't they.

 

But I bet you will be back next match or next time anyone with anything to do with the club farts.

[Asprilla 96]

If we're not a massive club, then why the fuck does everyone keep writing about us?

 

 

Pwned.

[Fop 1]

Didn't even read past the first line..... I can't believe anyone that would be employed by a newspaper could write that badly.

 

 

His name rings a bell- seem to remember some other tosh about us being penned by him before.

 

What a goon.

 

Failed Labour candidate as well.

 

Fuck me, how does anyone manage to be a failed Labour candidate?

Edited September 16, 2008 by Fop

[Guest Stevie]

Nice post Tom, agree with all of it.

 

 

Look at the cunt.

 

[Gemmill 46027]

Nice post Tom, agree with all of it.

 

 

Look at the cunt,

 

 

Jesus wept.

[Jusoda Kid 1]

You wouldn't get sick of punching that cunt like, ping pongs for balls I reckon.

[peasepud 59]

Lots of unpalatable truths in that article even if we don't want to hear it. Still, you never know, maybe some Arab will buy us out rather than fuck off back to Egypt like the writer, who's only claim to fame is playing ping pong for his two-bit country.

 

Which two bit country would that be? he was English number 1 and represented Great Britain in the Olympics.

[Sima 0]

It's always good to see Stevie being so PC and diplomatic.

 

It warms my heart.

[Guest alex]

It's like Toon cliche bingo at the minute with these articles.

It's like Stevie cliche bingo too.