smoggeordie 0 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 April fools Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2991 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2991 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 goal.com thinks they are funny... Maldini 'Considering Newcastle Move' AC Milan veteran Paolo Maldini has revealed he's mulling over whether to join English outfit Newcastle United in the summer after the Magpies made him an offer. The 39-year-old defender has spent his entire career with the Rossoneri, but having said he would retire at the end of this season appears to be having second thoughts. Wholesale changes are expected at Milan over the summer, however, with last weekend's 2-1 home defeat to Atalanta the final straw, and Maldini has been told he won't be appearing for the club next season no matter who the coach is. Milan want to move towards more youthful players and it appears Maldini is willing to abandon his status as a one-club man in order to keep playing for another season. Reports surfaced on Monday that Newcastle United had made the five-time European Cup winner an offer for next season, with boss Kevin Keegan feeling Maldini's experience could help sure up things in the Magpies' defence. "It's true that Newcastle have been in touch," confirmed Maldini yesterday. "It's certainly an interesting offer and one I won't rule out just yet. "My only regret in my career is that I've never had the chance to play abroad and this would be a terrific opportunity to play in the Premier League for a massive club" added the defender, who admits to being extremely impressed by Newcastle's run in last season's Intertoto Cup. April Fool, Goal.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2991 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 i am already tired of today and it just started for me... soccerlens... Premier League punish Newcastle United with 20 point penalty The Premier League have slapped a 20 point penalty on Newcastle United, condemning them to certain relegation this season. The huge penalty leaves Newcastle United with a paltry 15 points in the season, ahead of Derby but well behind the likes of Bolton, Fulham and Birmingham, and with 6 games to go, Newcastle look certain to be sucked into and destroyed by the cruel vortex that is the relegation battle. The reasons for this penalty are not clear - insider sources have claimed that it has to do with financial irregularities in Mike Ashley’s takeover, although the Premier League itself has maintained a different tune all along. Richard Scudamore: It is with great sorrow that we have decided to penalise Newcastle United - I want to assure all Geordie fans that this is in their best interests, and in the best interests of their club. I love Newcastle, but I cannot bear the weight of false expectations and neither should the fans. Even the Queen called me up last month, asking me to look at the Newcastle situation and figure out a solution. After lengthy discussions with my psychologist and also the chairmen of financially responsible clubs like Leeds, Chelsea, Sunderland and Manchester United, we have decided that the best way for Newcastle United to actually live up to the expectations of their fans is to bring down those expectations to way, way, way below the minimum. Hence we have penalised Newcastle with a 20 point penalty, with a view that they will get relegated this season. If the situation does not improve next year with the fans, I have instructed the Football League to impose a further 50-point penalty on Newcastle to send them to League One. We will keep relegating Newcastle until their fans learn their lesson - that their club is nowhere near as good as they think, and neither is their manager. Shocking, I know. Of course, knowing Geordies, they will probably just get Shearer on-board and come right back up to the Premier League, go on a dream run, then throw away a 12 point lead and fail miserably. But at least they’ll have the satisfaction of winning a couple of league titles, even if it’s just in the Football League. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Subtle jokes are always the best like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Fucking hell, hilariously funny. Pretty shit as well like, at least make it something less obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smoggeordie 0 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 Fucking hell, hilariously funny. Pretty shit as well like, at least make it something less obvious. That bit was kind of implied by your first line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I thought the two oh_yeah posted were worse. Yours was still shit though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smoggeordie 0 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 England coach Fabio Capello believes it might be easier for his players to learn Italian than him to speak English. (The Sun) Accrington Stanley are to change their name to Lancashire Stanley United from next season. (Accrington club website) Hartlepool have unveiled a new centenary kit for next season - in black-and-white hoops [the colours of local rivals Darlington]. (Hartlepool club website) Bury manager Alan Knill, 43, has registered himself as a player for their relegation run-in. (Bury club website) Luton mascot Harry the Hatter has been kidnapped on the way to Debenhams, while Oldham's Chaddy the Owl has had his costume stolen. (Luton and Oldham club websites) Plymouth have unveiled a tartan away kit for next season, paying homage to manager Paul Sturrock and the other Scots on the playing staff. (Plymouth club website) Port Vale are to move to a new £35m stadium named after chairman Bill Bratt, across the road from their current Vale Park home. (Port Vale club website) Wycombe midfielder Sergio Torres is to record an album of folk songs. (Wycombe club website) Preston are to pay tribute to their 1957/58 team by commissioning some "Invincible Gold"-coloured seats [suspiciously similar in colour to the tangerine of rivals Blackpool]. (Preston club website) Oxford United will hold a Rodeo Day competition as the bronze ox statue outside their ground has been fitted with a "bucking bronco" setting. Making guest appearances at the event will be Billy Ray Cyrus, Billy Boy Walton, Billy Ray Reardon and Roy Walker. (Oxford club website). Brighton's tired players have been training at theme park Chessington World of Adventures for three days this week, riding rollercoasters to rejuvenate their weary limbs. (Brighton club website). Northampton could be deducted points after a complaint was lodged over the colour of socks they wore in a recent game. Boss Stuart Gray expects to hear something "before noon today". (Northampton club website) Burnley plan to ground-share with arch-rivals Blackburn at Ewood Park in 2010/11 while Turf Moor is redeveloped. (Burnley club website) Lincoln City are proposing to switch the kick-offs of matches from Saturday at 1500 to Monday at 1000, to reduce their carbon footprint. (Lincoln club website) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Besty 4 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/ Edited April 1, 2008 by Besty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 175 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 TheMags got a treat, texted me this morning saying SSN were breaking the news that Keane had quit at Sunderland, I flew out of bed and stuck the TV on..... Bastard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 14021 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 But at least they’ll have the satisfaction of winning a couple of league titles, even if it’s just in the Football League. What about the four we already have? (april fools or not ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Five. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 14021 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Four top flight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Four top flight Five football league though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 14021 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I know I was talking top flight as it's whats classified as major i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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