Geordies stuck in the land of 1996

[Scottish Mag 3]

AT every turn in this throwback of a city, you are reminded that it is unique.

 

"It's a very special club," said Kevin Keegan, working on the theory that if you repeat it often enough, sane people might actually start believing it.

 

"It is not a normal club. The Geordie fans have worked hard all week and they want to come and enjoy their football."

 

Because, of course, those layabouts from the East End doss around for a few days and then wander off to Upton Park not really bothered what is put in front of them.

 

And car plant workers from Liverpool just sit on their idle hands, waiting for their weekly outing to Anfield or Goodison where they are not bothered how their team plays football — they just want them to win.

 

"You don't understand," Keegan went on, slipping effortlessly into the patter that tickles every Geordie's black-and-white striped tummy. "And people outside the area never will."

 

Sentimental drivel.

 

It's a hoary old caricature that should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

 

All Scousers are funny, all Cockneys are spivs, all Scots are tight, all Welsh enjoy the company of sheep, all Geordies are the epitome of the true fan.

 

No. All Geordies are stuck in a football land that time forgot. The football land of 1996.

 

A land in which Arsenal had entered the brief, ill-advised and ill-fated Bruce Rioch era. A land in which Chelsea could finish no higher than 11th.

 

A land without Continental managers.

 

There were only two non-English bosses in the Premier League at the start of the 1995-96 season — Joe Kinnear and a yet-to-be-knighted Alex Ferguson.

 

And does anyone in their right mind seriously think that the level of sophistication, the level of athleticism, the level of tactical awareness has not risen dramatically enough to render Keegan's approach ineffective?

 

Anyone outside the deluded Geordie nation, that is?

 

Over a decade has passed and only Keegan's dress sense has stayed remotely the same.

 

These people ARE football-lovers. Just like Mancs, Scousers, Brummies and Londoners are.

 

And they DO deserve to see entertaining football. Just like Mancs, Scousers, Brummies and Londoners do.

 

But if Keegan loves this club so much, then jacking them up with a quick shot of gung-ho football should not be his aim.

 

Undeniably, Arsenal and Manchester United play the most attractive football in the Premier League, if not in Europe.

 

But their entertainment is based on a long-term philosophy laid down by two managers who don't consider quitting at the first sign of turbulence.

 

It is founded on a footballing mentality that is instilled in the youth teams and reserve teams — levels of football that Keegan appeared to consider worthless during his last tenure at St James' Park.

 

Earlier in the week, chairman Chris Mort spoke of the qualities they wanted from a new manager and they included developing a top-class youth set-up.

 

A few days later and he is sat on the podium next to Keegan, the man who did away with Newcastle reserves and employed Mark Lawrenson to coach the defence in an experiment which lasted all of four months.

 

This was clearly a Mike Ashley appointment. And unwittingly, Keegan let slip exactly what sort of owner Ashley is.

 

"I wanted to see the guy whose toy-set it was," said Keegan. Toy-set. Spot on.

 

Got the mansion, got the boat, got the plane. What next to amuse a bored billionaire?

 

What next to try and buy happiness? A decent shrink might see a psychological reason why Ashley mixes it with the masses out of whom he has made his obscene fortune by selling over-priced replica shirts.

 

And a decent shrink might not be wrong.

 

He's got all the tangibles enormous wealth can bring.

 

The great intangibles are being liked, adored, hero-worshipped.

 

In these parts, dragging Keegan away from a Mickey Mouse business venture and delivering him to the steps of St James' Park guarantees those.

 

He has bought the club on a whim and he has bought Keegan because his legion of new-found mates in the Quayside boozers asked him to.

 

"My round again, boys. What's it to be?"

 

"Mine's a King Kev, Mikey boy."

 

"No problem!"

 

Despite the fact that Keegan — for all his genius as a player and for all his coaching jobs — is a man who has never been besotted with football management like Fergie is, like Arsene Wenger is, like Rafa Benitez is.

 

Of course, he was given a Messiah's welcome yesterday.

 

Of course, he has lifted spirits.

 

But if these supporters really do believe that Keegan and Ashley are the saviours, then the man himself was right...this really is a place no outsider can ever understand.

 

http://notw.typepad.com/dunn/2008/01/geordies-stuck.html

[Guest alex]

Couldn't read the whole thing but "It's a hoary old caricature that should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

 

All Scousers are funny, all Cockneys are spivs, all Scots are tight, all Welsh enjoy the company of sheep, all Geordies are the epitome of the true fan.

 

No. All Geordies are stuck in a football land that time forgot. The football land of 1996."

 

So, his caricature is ok, but the other ones he mentions deserve contempt? Righto.

Edited January 20, 2008 by alex

[Tribal 0]

I've honestly got to the point now where absolutley fuck all bothers me what the rest of the country says about us.

 

Pricks like him and Louise Taylor sharpen their knives when something happens at NUFC, whether it is negative or positive they'll always put a downer on it.

 

Hope the cunt gets kicked under a bus tonight

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Just been watching that Sunday supplement and have to say I would like nothing more than to roll one of their newspapers up into a Chelsea hammer and ram it into all of their faces until the paper softened with the blood oozing from their smug, unrecognisable, shit talking faces.

 

Wankers the lot of them, this bitter cunt included.

[JawD 99]

Same drivel being spouted in many places. Read the similar thing here :

 

Even if you do live under a rock, not a northern one of course, the chances are you would still have heard the news that the 'Geordie Messiah is back in Toon'.

 

Rarely, if ever before, has the appointment of a manager made more headlines than Kevin Keegan's return to take over the reins at Newcastle United and if the noises from Tyneside are to believed, then the club has got the man that will bring the good times, and winning times, back to St James' Park.

 

But not everybody is convinced. Matt Dickinson of The Times told the Sunday Supplement this week that Newcastle and Keegan should brace themselves for some 'harsh realities'.

 

"I am not immune to the romance and it is a fantastic story," he said. "It will keep us all occupied for a good few months.

 

"But without sounding too Victor Meldrew about it, you have to get down to some harsh realities and I think the best years of Keegan are behind him. I think it is a very different Premiership to the one that he worked in back in those glory days in Newcastle.

 

"Aside from the top four, there are some other excellent managers out there: David Moyes, (Sven Goran) Eriksson is doing great stuff at Man City and Martin O'Neill at Aston Villa. Keegan is going to be coming up against some top class opponents in the dugout and I think some of his limitations, seen in other jobs, are going to be exposed.

 

"I think, to be honest, he will give them a great lift. Some of the players were saying that he came down to the training ground the other day, that he was fantastic, pressed all the right buttons, they suddenly want to play for Newcastle again. Great!

 

"They will do pretty well for the next six months, he will have to go and sign players and it will be interesting to see how much money they give him to sign those players.

 

"But suddenly it will come down to details, and Kevin isn't always the best with those details."

 

Dickinson also wondered whether Keegan can really deliver what the fans of Newcastle United want, provided that is he can work out what they want first.

 

He said: "We are back to the old expectations, ludicrious over-expectations in some ways you can say, of the Newcastle fans. They want to win a trophy - there has been a lot of talk of not winning a trophy - but then suddenly we are told no, they think they are Barcelona basically; they think they should be playing (Lionel) Messi and Ronaldinho every week.

 

"I am still not quite sure what they want but they want the earth, the sun and the moon... and the stars with it... and tomorrow."

 

The bottom line though, he says, is that whatever they want, he doesn't think Keegan can deliver it, especially if it is too break into the big four.

 

Dickinson said: "I think Kevin has clearly got some failings as a manger and the Premiership is so competitive that he is going to hit the wall. I think he is going to find out that seventh, eighth or ninth is as good as he can do with this team."

 

Sky

 

 

Reading these makes me want us to do something even more and prove the fuckers wrong. I love how they say we are impatient. We've won fuck all for so long Id say we'd been pretty patient myself! Think we are Barcelona? Fuck off man.

Edited January 20, 2008 by JawD

[snakehips 0]

Every manager at every club 'bigs up' their supporters (Benitez was doing it on F Focus yesterday) so why shouldn't Keegan?

 

Why are Arsenal and Man U so good? Because they fuckin' attack the opposition and are not attempting the boring 'for fuck's sake don't concede' ethos of other lousy teams eg Bolton Wanderers.

 

Another hack with a really incisive piece about dillusional Geordies. I'm loving your work, fella.

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Baldy, insipid bastard. Could think of nothing better than watching him trying to get a foot of barbed wire out of his arsehole that I'd inserted.

[Guest alex]

Pure jealousy man. They think we might be onto something big again and they don't like. Fuck the lot of them.

[RlCO 0]

I liked the shrink bit mind, never thought about that

[Paul 0]

Football365 the same:

 

Toon Bubble Burst Already

 

Well that didn't take long, did it? Kevin Keegan's first game back as Newcastle manager was supposed to be the return of entertaining, attacking football, but instead the 0-0 draw with Bolton shamed the good name of turgid. In fact, it took a great save by Shay Given that kept Bolton from claiming a late win. Keggy has a lot of work to do...

 

We're not a big club though, nobody cares about us...

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Football365 the same:

 

Toon Bubble Burst Already

 

Well that didn't take long, did it? Kevin Keegan's first game back as Newcastle manager was supposed to be the return of entertaining, attacking football, but instead the 0-0 draw with Bolton shamed the good name of turgid. In fact, it took a great save by Shay Given that kept Bolton from claiming a late win. Keggy has a lot of work to do...

 

We're not a big club though, nobody cares about us...

 

Yes of course KK is that good he was going to turn the whole thing around in two days, it's laughable tbh

[Paul 0]

Football365 the same:

 

Toon Bubble Burst Already

 

Well that didn't take long, did it? Kevin Keegan's first game back as Newcastle manager was supposed to be the return of entertaining, attacking football, but instead the 0-0 draw with Bolton shamed the good name of turgid. In fact, it took a great save by Shay Given that kept Bolton from claiming a late win. Keggy has a lot of work to do...

 

We're not a big club though, nobody cares about us...

 

Yes of course KK is that good he was going to turn the whole thing around in two days, it's laughable tbh

 

Exactly, the bloke has had ONE training session ffs.

 

Ofcourse we're not really that big of a club, we're just the main talking point on every news channel, paper and website. Can't be that small then

[Happy Face 29]

Andy Dunn is a grade A twunt.

[Fop 1]

It's basically all jealousy of how NUFC is (or were) perceived - that is "The Entertainers" - even though we won nothing during that time, you'd almost think we'd won everything.

 

 

As well as a healthy dose of arse sphincter tightening (whether they'd admit it or not), just in case we could do it again.

[manc-mag 1]

Baldy, insipid bastard. Could think of nothing better than watching him trying to get a foot of barbed wire out of his arsehole that I'd inserted.

 

Howay man! Alex was sticking up for us!

[manc-mag 1]

Pure jealousy man. They think we might be onto something big again and they don't like. Fuck the lot of them.

 

In a nutshell, my son!

[Jill 0]

:lol:

 

Brilliant.

[Happy Face 29]

I don't think it's jealousy. What's he got to be jealous of? 40 baron years? It's just a hack journalists pathetic attempt at originality. From the school of contrariness. It's what all the weakest journalists do, rather than give their opinion, they just go for the opposite angle.

 

You got "Big Sam on his way", "Allardyce out", "he's shite" stuff, followed by "he must be given time", "Newcastle are fickle" "the fans are shite stuff".

 

All this week you got "Messiah returns", "King Kev", stuff, so now the hacks need to burst that bubble because they can't keep writing the same story..

[spongebob toonpants 4183]

KK and the fans view - Theres a lot of work to be done, hopefully we can have a go in the cups and try to improve

 

The rest of the world - Newcastle expect to win every match six nil overnight, they are deluded.

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

During the original 'Entertainers' period we were often told we were everyone's second favourite team and the press loved Keegan because they knew he was good value and sold more papers.

 

How come everyone is so bitter and cynical this time?

[Ketsbaia 0]

Makes me laugh that the media are now backlashing against a frenzy that they started originally

 

Unfortunately, it'll have everyone with a lower than average IQ (Your Sun and NOTW readers, basically) nodding sagely, before flicking to the back pages to have read our match report, Owen's column on Keegan and the inevitable list of people we're linked with.

[Gemmill 47111]

That fucking arsehole Woolnough on The Sunday Supplement was at it today. "Do you think Newcastle fans want a team that will be in the Champions League or would they rather win 4-3 next week?" Seriously Brian, is someone paying you a wage for this?

[Guest alex]

He's already improved on last time. We lost our first PL home game under him to Spurs.

[Howay 12496]

Keegans comment about southerners going to the theater has really touched a raw nerve with the fuckers.

It's class how we're the impatient ones despite saying we'll give Keegan time yet the media are already making him out to be a total failure you'd think Bolton beat us 7-0

[Asprilla 96]

Pure jealousy man. They think we might be onto something big again and they don't like. Fuck the lot of them.

Yep.

 

 

I hope that twat's sunday lunch is "really disappointing".

 

 

 

As much as I have a problem with the anti-southern shit on here, there are a plethora of corduroy mincers down there who add nothing to this planet and I dearly hope they choke on their falafel when we start climbing the table and giving people something to smile about again.

 

 

 

Cunts.