Wiping your arse

[ewerk 30610]

Just tried the sitting down technique and wasn't as mental as I first imagined, I may give it an extended trial to properly assess the pros and cons of each method.

[RlCO 0]

Just tried the sitting down technique and wasn't as mental as I first imagined, I may give it an extended trial to properly assess the pros and cons of each method.

 

Just see if people near you while you are out give a wierd scrunched up face and move away from you, or not.

[Glasgow Mag 0]

I'd like to share with you an advanced technique that I have mastered in recent times.

 

In order to save on the quantity of paper:

 

Hold paper with thumb, index and middle fingers of preferred hand, screwed up into a ball. Push up to ringpiece with index finger in a front-to-back motion, withdraw then turn the hand/paper slightly, and push back up to the ringpiece in a limited and modified back-to-front motion. Two wipes for the price of one bit of paper. You have to be skilled and experienced enough to avoid smearing the soiled paper onto your arsecheeks during the second motion.

 

Anyone else use this technique? It's very useful when you are reaching the end of the toilet paper, and another one is not nearby.

[nufc4ever 0]

[sammynb 3355]

I'd like to share with you an advanced technique that I have mastered in recent times.

 

In order to save on the quantity of paper:

 

Hold paper with thumb, index and middle fingers of preferred hand, screwed up into a ball. Push up to ringpiece with index finger in a front-to-back motion, withdraw then turn the hand/paper slightly, and push back up to the ringpiece in a limited and modified back-to-front motion. Two wipes for the price of one bit of paper. You have to be skilled and experienced enough to avoid smearing the soiled paper onto your arsecheeks during the second motion.

 

Anyone else use this technique? It's very useful when you are reaching the end of the toilet paper, and another one is not nearby.

 

All I can say, "Is being Scottish and Jewish makes me the best value in the graveyard today!"

 

Fucking hell. Toilet paper just isn't that expensive!

[Walliver 0]

I'd like to share with you an advanced technique that I have mastered in recent times.

 

In order to save on the quantity of paper:

 

Hold paper with thumb, index and middle fingers of preferred hand, screwed up into a ball. Push up to ringpiece with index finger in a front-to-back motion, withdraw then turn the hand/paper slightly, and push back up to the ringpiece in a limited and modified back-to-front motion. Two wipes for the price of one bit of paper. You have to be skilled and experienced enough to avoid smearing the soiled paper onto your arsecheeks during the second motion.

 

Anyone else use this technique? It's very useful when you are reaching the end of the toilet paper, and another one is not nearby.

 

All I can say, "Is being Scottish and Jewish makes me the best value in the graveyard today!"

 

Fucking hell. Toilet paper just isn't that expensive!

 

I think he's more worried about running out of toilet paper when he needs it as popping down to the shop when you haven't finished wiping isn't a great thing to be doing.

[sammynb 3355]

I'd like to share with you an advanced technique that I have mastered in recent times.

 

In order to save on the quantity of paper:

 

Hold paper with thumb, index and middle fingers of preferred hand, screwed up into a ball. Push up to ringpiece with index finger in a front-to-back motion, withdraw then turn the hand/paper slightly, and push back up to the ringpiece in a limited and modified back-to-front motion. Two wipes for the price of one bit of paper. You have to be skilled and experienced enough to avoid smearing the soiled paper onto your arsecheeks during the second motion.

 

Anyone else use this technique? It's very useful when you are reaching the end of the toilet paper, and another one is not nearby.

 

All I can say, "Is being Scottish and Jewish makes me the best value in the graveyard today!"

 

Fucking hell. Toilet paper just isn't that expensive!

 

I think he's more worried about running out of toilet paper when he needs it as popping down to the shop when you haven't finished wiping isn't a great thing to be doing.

But he doesn't wipe, so it's not as if that's a big worry for him!

[Happy Face 29]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_...man_in_bathroom

 

WICHITA, Kan. - Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

 

ADVERTISEMENT

 

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

 

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

 

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

 

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

 

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

 

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

 

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

 

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

 

"She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

 

She was reported in fair condition at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

 

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

 

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

 

The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

 

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

 

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

 

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

 

"It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

 

That's the measure of a sit down wiper.

 

Filthy animals.

[ewerk 30610]

[luckyluke 2]

STILL can't believe Glasgow Mag doesn't wipe his arse sometimes, without checking.

 

The dirty, dirty bastard.

[Bombadil 0]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_...man_in_bathroom

 

WICHITA, Kan. - Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

 

ADVERTISEMENT

 

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

 

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

 

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

 

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

 

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

 

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

 

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

 

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

 

"She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

 

She was reported in fair condition at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

 

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

 

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

 

The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

 

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

 

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

 

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

 

"It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

 

That's the measure of a sit down wiper.

 

Filthy animals.

 

That is the most disturbing thing I've read in ages!

[Glasgow Mag 0]

5 months on, how are we all getting on? Has anyone modified their technique/routine (to sitting down from standing up) as a direct result of reading this thread? If so, how have you coped with the change? Or have you reverted back to your old smelly stand-up wiping ways?

[luckyluke 2]

5 months on, how are we all getting on? Has anyone modified their technique/routine (to sitting down from standing up) as a direct result of reading this thread? If so, how have you coped with the change? Or have you reverted back to your old smelly stand-up wiping ways?

 

You're still a dirty pantfilling scumbag. I'm surprised you can type, the stench of shit must be overbearing.

[Glasgow Mag 0]

5 months on, how are we all getting on? Has anyone modified their technique/routine (to sitting down from standing up) as a direct result of reading this thread? If so, how have you coped with the change? Or have you reverted back to your old smelly stand-up wiping ways?

 

You're still a dirty pantfilling scumbag. I'm surprised you can type, the stench of shit must be overbearing.

 

Isn't it true that after a while, you can't smell your own? That would make it easier to type.

 

In all seriousness, I haven't had a 'clean break' for a good few months now. No smell of shite here.

[Happy Face 29]

I'm off to make some space for my dinner right now.

 

I'll be standing up to wipe too, not like all you split arses.

[manc-mag 1]

Bolt upright wiping 10 minutes ago here; could have played the national anthem to it. Absolute textbook.

[Lazarus 0]

Still sitting down to wipe here.

 

Not like the filthy animals that stand up

[Anth 113]

How the fuck do you sit down and Wipe? Truly the mark of someone doesn't mind skidders in their boxers!

[nufc4ever 0]

Lean.

[Guest BigThompers]

I thought standing up was what you did when you were 4, shortly after shouting "MAAAAAM, WILL YOU COME AND WIPE MY BUM" - when she arrives, you stood upto give her easy access.

 

Do the stander uppers still call their parents, or did they enjoy having their arses wiped for them so much that they try to recreate it as best they can.

Edited May 28, 2008 by BigThompers

[Park Life 71]

My cock is too big to accomodate sitting down wiping.

[Tooj 17]

My cock is too big to accomodate sitting down wiping.

As quite clearly is your ego.

[Guest BigThompers]

My cock is too big to accomodate sitting down wiping.

 

My personal hygiene and self respect are too big to accommodate stand-up wiping. I refer to it as "stand-up wiping", as it's clearly comical.

[Park Life 71]

You lean forward and to the side a bit while staying basically seated.

 

It's honestly never occurred to me to stand up and do it.

 

The Germans sit to piss which I still laugh about.

[Park Life 71]

How the fuck do you sit down and Wipe? Truly the mark of someone doesn't mind skidders in their boxers!