Wiping your arse

[snakehips 0]

I'll stay seated

 

But the words of the song go: Stand up, stand up for Jesus..... Surely if Jesus wants us to stand up, we should stand ??

 

 

 

Btw, this is posted in jest and is, in no way, to be taken as an indication of the position I adopt when my maid wipes my behind My method will remain private.

[Happy Face 29]

Stand up if you love the Toon tbh.

[Park Life 71]

At the end of the day sitting down while trying to wipe yer arse just looks plain ridiculous.

[Gemmill 46540]

At the end of the day sitting down while trying to wipe yer arse just looks plain ridiculous.

 

I imagine standing up to do it looks fucking brilliant though.

[luckyluke 2]

At the end of the day sitting down while trying to wipe yer arse just looks plain ridiculous.

 

I imagine standing up to do it looks fucking brilliant though.

 

Indeed, a sight to behold. I leave my bathroom door open just in case someone walks past and sees me, majestically and triumphantly standing tall.

[Park Life 71]

At the end of the day sitting down while trying to wipe yer arse just looks plain ridiculous.

 

I imagine standing up to do it looks fucking brilliant though.

 

Indeed, a sight to behold. I leave my bathroom door open just in case someone walks past and sees me, majestically and triumphantly standing tall.

 

[JawD 99]

I studied this during my morning dump.

 

There is several steps to the sitted wipe.

 

i) All weight it shifted over to the left and slightly forward

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

iii) This motion also serves to separate the cheeks exposing the required area

iv) a scrunched up amount of 4-6 sheets is then used with the right hand to wipe back and forth and this is then dropped in the pan

v) a second scrunched up amount of 4-6 sheets is used in the same way

vi) this is usually sufficient, but judgement is needed depending on consistency of aforementioned dump

vii) On standing, a glance down the bog to inspect your creation is recommended

viii) Finally, hands are washed

 

note : the scrunched up bog roll must "never" be rotated or folded to use a cleaner space as this gives a danger of contact with your hand. Just use more bogroll, its cheap enough.

 

[Happy Face 29]

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

 

So you're standing. FACT!

 

wipe back and forth

 

That's abhorent. I think I'm going to be sick.

[JawD 99]

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

 

So you're standing. FACT!

 

wipe back and forth

 

That's abhorent. I think I'm going to be sick.

 

As one cheek remains in contact with the pan, its still sitting. The definition of the word standing is to be erect or upright of which I'd be neither.

 

On the other, so do you actually wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe & fold etc?

Edited June 6, 2008 by JawD

[TheMoog 0]

I studied this during my morning dump.

 

There is several steps to the sitted wipe.

 

i) All weight it shifted over to the left and slightly forward

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

iii) This motion also serves to separate the cheeks exposing the required area

iv) a folded up amount of 2-3 sheets is then used with the right hand to wipe and this is then dropped in the pan

v) this is repeated until no smudges show upon checking the paper after couple of wipes, but judgement is needed depending on consistency of aforementioned dump

vi) On standing, a glance down the bog to inspect your creation is recommended

vii) Finally, hands are washed

 

note : the bog roll must "never" be rotated or folded more than once so as to use a cleaner space as this gives a danger of contact with your hand. Just use more bogroll, its cheap enough.

 

 

Fixed to my standards Yes, I'm a sitter.

Edited June 6, 2008 by Armchair Pundit

[Happy Face 29]

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

 

So you're standing. FACT!

 

wipe back and forth

 

That's abhorent. I think I'm going to be sick.

 

As one cheek remains in contact with the pan, its still sitting. The definition of the word standing is to be erect or upright of which I'd be neither.

 

On the other, so do you actually wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe & fold etc?

 

As has already been said, there's a difference between standing straight and standing. If your feet are holding most of your weight you're standing.

 

The clue is in the nomenclature. you wipe, you don't rub. I'm not necessarily saying you need to fold or re-use, but don't rub it in goddamnit!

[Wavey Davey 0]

There's 19 pages of this.

 

I don't believe it.

[Meenzer 15771]

Wait, so raising one buttock from the seat to make room for your wiping hand counts as "standing" now? Don't tell me this whole schism stems from a basic misunderstanding like that?

[Happy Face 29]

Wait, so raising one buttock from the seat to make room for your wiping hand counts as "standing" now? Don't tell me this whole schism stems from a basic misunderstanding like that?

 

Having exhausted the mechanics of the subject I think a philisophical debate around when standing becomes sitting.

 

If a person in a cubicle sits down to wipe their arse and there's no-one there to see it, did they actually sit down?

[Meenzer 15771]

Wait, so raising one buttock from the seat to make room for your wiping hand counts as "standing" now? Don't tell me this whole schism stems from a basic misunderstanding like that?

 

Having exhausted the mechanics of the subject I think a philisophical debate around when standing becomes sitting.

 

If a person in a cubicle sits down to wipe their arse and there's no-one there to see it, did they actually sit down?

Depends. Are they civilised or a barbarian?

[sammynb 3584]

Wait, so raising one buttock from the seat to make room for your wiping hand counts as "standing" now? Don't tell me this whole schism stems from a basic misunderstanding like that?

 

Having exhausted the mechanics of the subject I think a philisophical debate around when standing becomes sitting.

 

If a person in a cubicle sits down to wipe their arse and there's no-one there to see it, did they actually sit down?

Depends. Are they civilised or a barbarian?

 

Or Parky?

[JawD 99]

ii) The right butt cheek is then raised from the toilet seat

 

So you're standing. FACT!

 

wipe back and forth

 

That's abhorent. I think I'm going to be sick.

 

As one cheek remains in contact with the pan, its still sitting. The definition of the word standing is to be erect or upright of which I'd be neither.

 

On the other, so do you actually wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe & fold etc?

 

As has already been said, there's a difference between standing straight and standing. If your feet are holding most of your weight you're standing.

 

The clue is in the nomenclature. you wipe, you don't rub. I'm not necessarily saying you need to fold or re-use, but don't rub it in goddamnit!

 

Eh? Your feet isnt holding most of your weight, your left arse cheek is Perhaps the ball of your left foot takes some of the weight, but it is not standing.

 

As for wiping, yeah ok, you dont rub you wipe back and forth. No different to wiping in one direction repeatedly. Though, the reversal ensures you pick up everything. Bit like when you vacuum or polish

[Happy Face 29]

As for wiping, yeah ok, you dont rub you wipe back and forth. No different to wiping in one direction repeatedly. Though, the reversal ensures you pick up everything. Bit like when you vacuum or polish

 

So you wipe one way and are left holding a ball of loo roll with a warm, moist turd island at worst, a stinky skidmark at best. And rather than fold it over or discard it, you wipe that shitty rag back over your ring?

 

 

 

 

 

The sitters go from bad to worse.

[TheMoog 0]

As for wiping, yeah ok, you dont rub you wipe back and forth. No different to wiping in one direction repeatedly. Though, the reversal ensures you pick up everything. Bit like when you vacuum or polish

 

So you wipe one way and are left holding a ball of loo roll with a warm, moist turd island at worst, a stinky skidmark at best. And rather than fold it over or discard it, you wipe that shitty rag back over your ring?

 

 

 

 

 

The sitters go from bad to worse.

 

No, no, no - "Front to back cleans the crack", never wipe backwards and forwards using the same stroke.

[Happy Face 29]

As for wiping, yeah ok, you dont rub you wipe back and forth. No different to wiping in one direction repeatedly. Though, the reversal ensures you pick up everything. Bit like when you vacuum or polish

 

So you wipe one way and are left holding a ball of loo roll with a warm, moist turd island at worst, a stinky skidmark at best. And rather than fold it over or discard it, you wipe that shitty rag back over your ring?

 

 

 

 

 

The sitters go from bad to worse.

 

No, no, no - "Front to back cleans the crack", never wipe backwards and forwards using the same stroke.

 

Don't tell me, tell JawD the stinky ringed tramp.

[JawD 99]

WTF? If you have THAT much shite hanging from your arse after a dump you seriously need to have your sphincter checked out When you "nip it off" the idea is to let the rest follow after not leave it hanging. When you wipe, you should have minimal shite on your rag at best, not swathed in the stuff

 

Im still confused what action you take. You say you dont go back over, you dont change direction and you dont fold. So, do you wipe once and throw?

 

Anyway, all this talking shite The point is that after wiping your arse should be clean. And mine is Not saying Id eat my dinner off it, but Im happy that the last wipe is a clean one

[Happy Face 29]

WTF? If you have THAT much shite hanging from your arse after a dump you seriously need to have your sphincter checked out When you "nip it off" the idea is to let the rest follow after not leave it hanging. When you wipe, you should have minimal shite on your rag at best, not swathed in the stuff

 

Im still confused what action you take. You say you dont go back over, you dont change direction and you dont fold. So, do you wipe once and throw?

 

Anyway, all this talking shite The point is that after wiping your arse should be clean. And mine is Not saying Id eat my dinner off it, but Im happy that the last wipe is a clean one

 

If there's even just trace levels of turd on there, wiping it back the other way should be punishable by death.

 

I fold between every wipe (never said i didn't) always front to back.

[JawD 99]

But, when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit. So, in effect, you do several front to back wipes one one half of the paper and several back to front wipes with the other half. Its quite an art actually What you dont do, is smear wiped shite back over the other half. As I say, so long as the end result is a clean arse, Im not that fussed (and which way makes no odds for a bloke surely?).

 

Point is, sitting is the way. I dont see how when standing you can get enough arse exposure to ensure complete cleanliness?

[Happy Face 29]

But, when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit. So, in effect, you do several front to back wipes one one half of the paper and several back to front wipes with the other half. Its quite an art actually What you dont do, is smear wiped shite back over the other half. As I say, so long as the end result is a clean arse, Im not that fussed (and which way makes no odds for a bloke surely?).

 

Point is, sitting is the way. I dont see how when standing you can get enough arse exposure to ensure complete cleanliness?

 

Sitting or standing, I don't see how your arse can get clean when you're rubbing faeces off and then back on, over and over.

 

I can't believe we've found a sub-strata even lower than sit down back to front wipers.

[JawD 99]

But, when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit. So, in effect, you do several front to back wipes one one half of the paper and several back to front wipes with the other half. Its quite an art actually What you dont do, is smear wiped shite back over the other half. As I say, so long as the end result is a clean arse, Im not that fussed (and which way makes no odds for a bloke surely?).

 

Point is, sitting is the way. I dont see how when standing you can get enough arse exposure to ensure complete cleanliness?

 

Sitting or standing, I don't see how your arse can get clean when you're rubbing faeces off and then back on, over and over.

 

I can't believe we've found a sub-strata even lower than sit down back to front wipers.

 

because you dont man

 

when you go back n forth, you are using one half of the paper to do one bit and the other half of the paper to do the other bit.

 

Your 4-6 ply paper is scrunched up, not into a teeny ball but into something roughly 1 ply in length. This is positioned "roughly" central under your arse. Now, press, then move towards your back. then you angle this so that that one half of shitty paper is lifted and the other half pressed, you now wipe the other way. After this there is some rotation in there (cant frigging think now and I cant test at the moment, not due another shite until tomorrow ), but anyway, you repeat this process. At no point is shit smeared back over your arse.