manc-mag 1 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I still can't comprehend it like. Sitters, where's your weight when you wipe? Is it all on the rim? That would be sitting. If you shift all your weight to your feet to get access though, then even in a seated position, you're still standing. Bollocks, you're changing the rules to suit now Standing is with straight back... Fuck off. Standing is holding all your weight on your feet. You're talking about standing straight. I still don't 'stand' even by your theory.... Never mind coming in here 'wisecracking' when you've got winnets like fucking ferrero rocher swinging from your starfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I still can't comprehend it like. Sitters, where's your weight when you wipe? Is it all on the rim? That would be sitting. If you shift all your weight to your feet to get access though, then even in a seated position, you're still standing. Bollocks, you're changing the rules to suit now Standing is with straight back... Fuck off. Standing is holding all your weight on your feet. You're talking about standing straight. I still don't 'stand' even by your theory.... Never mind coming in here 'wisecracking' when you've got winnets like fucking ferrero rocher swinging from your starfish. Surely he thinks he's spoiling us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 4131 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I've collated the results ( blush2.gif ) Sitters Brock Craig Dr Gloom Ewerk Gejon Gemmill Glasgow Mag J69 JawD Lazarus Meenzer Nufc4ever Paddy R|co Smooth T-Keith Thompers TooJ Toontoasey Walliver Standers Alex Anth Happy Face Holden Jimbo Khay Luckyluke Manc Parky Sammy Shinton Squatter Spongebob Toonpants So I'm the only one on the forum who knows how to wipe his arse properly - unreal AS for Girls Aloud, saw them last week at the Brighton Centre- top entertainment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9918 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals. Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing. To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals. Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing. To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast. Standers are the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walliver 0 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals. Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing. To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast. Standers are the future. Before taking his shit and throwing it at his intended mate. Man has evolved, we have become civilised. Sitting down to wipe is part of the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals. Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing. To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast. Standers are the future. Before taking his shit and throwing it at his intended mate. Man has evolved, we have become civilised. Sitting down to wipe is part of the process. Sitting down to wipe is a deep suppressed fear of arse rape. FACT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 14044 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 14013 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 This thread has got so out of hand. Gold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape? Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6700 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape? Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees. Victory and defiance to what? The turd you've just wrestled out of your sphincter?? Christ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape? Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees. Victory and defiance to what? The turd you've just wrestled out of your sphincter?? Christ My arguments are perhaps a little too high brow. Being a stander I'm not used to being trapped in the toilet bowl of history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Have tried the standing up technique the past few shits. It's alot more cumbersome than merely sitting and wiping. Really not convinced it's any better than the other method. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 175 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 For those that sit, do you inspect your paper when you've wiped ? or do you just wipe once and hope for the best ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasgow Mag 0 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 For those that sit, do you inspect your paper when you've wiped ? or do you just wipe once and hope for the best ? 3 ways of doing this. (1) Wipe front-to-back then move the paper down in front of the scrotum to look at the skidmark on the paper. (2) Use your experience to judge the flow of the paper as you wipe front-to-back. Initially it should be slippery as you remove the bulk of the turd-remnants, but as the friction increases you can tell that your ringpiece is clean. Using this method you don't have to look at the paper. (3) Wipe front-to-back, then drop the paper in the bowl, making sure it lands smeared-side up, then you look down between your legs to judge the mark left on the paper. Any method is acceptable, usually I only use (2) when I'm in a hurry. On another matter, does anyone have any amusing anecdotes of running out of bogroll? What do you do, do you pull up your pants and trousers and carry on knowing your arse is caked in excrement, do you step into the shower, do you open the door slightly and shout out to anyone else who may happen to be in the house/building/public toilet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 2 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Tried wiping whilst sitting this morning, it's okay but my hand kept touching the toilet seat. It just feels wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Ive had to have a shower before. Settled on the throne, noting the half a bog roll, expecting to be in and oot in about 5 mins but mustve been there about 20 mins having shit after shit after shit. everytime i finished wiping WHILST SEATED i got the urge to go again. This must of happenned about 4 times. there mustve been 4 meals up there waiting to be curled out. anyway - by the 4th one there was nee bog roll left and i remember sitting there waiting as if some bog roll would magically appear it didnt. so i decided to have a shower. other than the day i was born - my arse has never been cleaner. was wierd drying me arse and legs when the rest of me was bone dry though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 (edited) Tried wiping whilst sitting this morning, it's okay but my hand kept touching the toilet seat. It just feels wrong. Men stand, women sit. Carved in stone. Edited June 1, 2008 by Park Life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6700 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK When in doubt overfry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6700 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Nope, when in doubt sling it in the fucking bin.... it hard pork in it man! i've lost count how many times i've been to the bog tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 2 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Will your bottom woes ever end? Could be nowt to do with the sell-by-date, I doubt it's gone from delicious to diarrhoea within the space of a day (if you stored it properly). Might've been contaminated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6700 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Possibly I guess.... Was beginning to wonder if part of the enema had stuck itself on time release up there i have to admit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15716 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK :lol: I'm guessing the one thing it wasn't was hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3961 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 The toilet seat is actually designed to sit while wiping. The contours stretch the cheeks apart so maximum wipage can be achieved. Those who stand push their cheeks together causing aditional clagnuts. So standers equals doity bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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