bobbyshinton 59 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 (edited) VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES Company Policy: Effective from January 2008 Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Annual Leave Days Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Bereavement Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management Edited November 28, 2007 by bobbyshinton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I work in HR and couldn't agree more with this. Although the Pension Service give their staff a huge 6 minutes toilet time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I always think of men who work in HR as like men who serve you drinks and food on aeroplanes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbyshinton 59 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 I always think of men who work in HR as like men who serve you drinks and food on aeroplanes. I loved working in HR. It was a proper HR dept not a Personnel dept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You get to know all the ins and outs, all the scandal and are ahead of the game on the issues that matter. And if you are as high up as me you can do the hiring and the firing!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You get to know all the ins and outs, all the scandal and are ahead of the game on the issues that matter. And if you are as high up as me you can do the hiring and the firing!! Ooohh do ye get all the gossip? Do you squat to piss anarl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 7099 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You get to know all the ins and outs, all the scandal and are ahead of the game on the issues that matter. And if you are as high up as me you can do the hiring and the firing!! Ooohh do ye get all the gossip? Do you squat to piss anarl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammynb 3667 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 You get to know all the ins and outs, all the scandal and are ahead of the game on the issues that matter. And if you are as high up as me you can do the hiring and the firing!! Ooohh do ye get all the gossip? Do you squat to piss anarl? Well it's not as if he can stand with his missus keeping his tools at home, locked in the cupboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I always think of men who work in HR as like men who serve you drinks and food on aeroplanes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ally 0 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I always think of men who work in HR as like men who serve you drinks and food on aeroplanes. Isn't Rob W a trolly dolly?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammynb 3667 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them wanted to punch my doughnut out of work hours as well. FYP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RlCO 0 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. 2 years? Weren't busting a gut to leave then were you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbyshinton 59 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 7 years doughnut in tact as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. 2 years? Weren't busting a gut to leave then were you? Not really, I was on the sick on full pay for most of that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc-mag 1 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. 2 years? Weren't busting a gut to leave then were you? Not really, I was on the sick on full pay for most of that You've got to respect Wacky for all the wrong reasons. Love the fact SMO's running the gauntlet of male arse pinching all day an all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 (edited) Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. 2 years? Weren't busting a gut to leave then were you? Not really, I was on the sick on full pay for most of that You've got to respect Wacky for all the wrong reasons. Love the fact SMO's running the gauntlet of male arse pinching all day an all. Reading Heat magazine and bitching about soap actresses no doubt too. Edited November 29, 2007 by ChezGiven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Actually don't think I've ever know a bloke who works in HR. Me! Was there 2 years, like a safe haven for homos, thats why SMO is still mincing around there and thats why I bailed out as it was only matter of time before one of them tried to punch my doughnut. 2 years? Weren't busting a gut to leave then were you? Not really, I was on the sick on full pay for most of that You've got to respect Wacky for all the wrong reasons. Love the fact SMO's running the gauntlet of male arse pinching all day an all. It's a cock-a-minute in my place man, love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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