12 double-entendres aired on TV & Radio

[Scottish Mag 3]

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from

Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

 

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl

Gibson comes inside of him."

 

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely

horse. I once rode her mother."

 

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't

that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the

Oxford crew."

 

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is

playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his

balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

 

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team

Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

 

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have

snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's

that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to

leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so

hard!

 

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better

today after a 69 yesterday."

 

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like

this."

 

10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen

Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

 

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UKeclipse coverage remarked: "They

seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

 

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny

Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to

use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

[Jimbo 175]

The bowler's Holding, the Batsman's Willey

[Gemmill 47487]

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UKeclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

 

I saw that one as it happened. Although what the fuck I was doing watching the eclipse on telly is anyone's guess.

[Papa Lazaru 0]

The bowler's Holding, the Batsman's Willey

 

And the Brian Johnson one with "Botham struggling to get his leg over" or similar!

[Guest alex]

The bowler's Holding, the Batsman's Willey

 

And the Brian Johnson one with "Botham struggling to get his leg over" or similar!

Quality moment that. "He couldn't quite get his leg over" I think it was. Another magic one from Johnners was "There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle."

[Papa Lazaru 0]

The bowler's Holding, the Batsman's Willey

 

And the Brian Johnson one with "Botham struggling to get his leg over" or similar!

Quality moment that. "He couldn't quite get his leg over" I think it was. Another magic one from Johnners was "There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle."

 

That's the other one i was trying to think of!

 

I've got all the "Colemanballs" books taken from Private Eye with all the stupid things commentators, news readers and anyone else on tv, radio or anywhere in the media have said and they are class!

[Jimbo 175]

I remember ages ago on BBC 1 the announcer said "And now world championship boxing from Wembley Arena, Harry Commentator is your Carpenter"

[Guest alex]

There's some class Murray Walker ones. I'll try and find some.

Edit:

20. "And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all-Escort race."

 

19. "That's history. I say history because it happened in the past."

 

18. Monaco 1981: (Water is pouring onto the track in the tunnel) "...and that could be, to put it very mildly indeed, suicidally dangerous."

 

17. "You might not think that's cricket. And it's not, it's motor racing."

 

16. "Here at Brands Hatch, Will Gollop has a clear lead over Will Gollop."

 

15. "I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are unimaginable!"

 

14. From the Monaco Grand Prix qualifying session in 2001: "And the session will start in 3... 8... 9... 0!"

 

13. "A sad ending, albeit a happy one."

 

12. "Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is."

 

11. "The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump."

 

10. " ... and Edson Arantes di Nascimento, commonly known to us as Pele hands the award to Damon Hill, commonly known to us as... um... Damon... Hill."

 

9. "Either the car is stationary or it's on the move."

 

8. "It's not quite a curve, it's a straight actually."

 

7. "And there's the man in the green flag!"

 

6. "Rene Arnoux is coming into the pits... let's stop the startwatch."

 

5. "Even in five years' time, he (Coulthard) will still be four years younger than Damon Hill."

 

4. "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

 

3. "There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire."

 

2. "We're watching Ralf Schumacher... Son, of course, of double world champion Michael Schumacher."

 

1. "... and here comes Damon Hill in the Williams... this car is absolutely unique... except for the one behind it... which is exactly the same."

Edited July 24, 2007 by alex

[zico martin 95]

There's some class Murray Walker ones. I'll try and find some.

Edit:

20. "And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all-Escort race."

 

19. "That's history. I say history because it happened in the past."

 

18. Monaco 1981: (Water is pouring onto the track in the tunnel) "...and that could be, to put it very mildly indeed, suicidally dangerous."

 

17. "You might not think that's cricket. And it's not, it's motor racing."

 

16. "Here at Brands Hatch, Will Gollop has a clear lead over Will Gollop."

 

15. "I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are unimaginable!"

 

14. From the Monaco Grand Prix qualifying session in 2001: "And the session will start in 3... 8... 9... 0!"

 

13. "A sad ending, albeit a happy one."

 

12. "Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is."

 

11. "The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump."

 

10. " ... and Edson Arantes di Nascimento, commonly known to us as Pele hands the award to Damon Hill, commonly known to us as... um... Damon... Hill."

 

9. "Either the car is stationary or it's on the move."

 

8. "It's not quite a curve, it's a straight actually."

 

7. "And there's the man in the green flag!"

 

6. "Rene Arnoux is coming into the pits... let's stop the startwatch."

 

5. "Even in five years' time, he (Coulthard) will still be four years younger than Damon Hill."

 

4. "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

 

3. "There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire."

 

2. "We're watching Ralf Schumacher... Son, of course, of double world champion Michael Schumacher."

 

1. "... and here comes Damon Hill in the Williams... this car is absolutely unique... except for the one behind it... which is exactly the same."

 

you really cant help but smile at most of them, classics

 

I was laughing to myself at work earlier looking at these: Top Tips