End of season Football awards

[Happy Face 29]

The Special One: Sir Alex Ferguson, yet another title-winning team, a touch of flair and sufficient generosity of spirit to include Kieran Richardson to give the others a chance.

 

 

The Not So Special One: Jose Mourinho, all that whingeing, not being good enough in Europe, Khalid Boulahrouz (not his idea, but he didn't have to play him) and the ugliness even when beating Charlton 1-0.

 

 

Manager of the year: Colchester United's Geraint Williams. Seemingly doomed in August with their League One crowds, League One players and League Two ground. One victory off the Championship playoffs in May.

 

 

Most universally enjoyed relegation since Leeds going down to the Championship in 2004: Leeds's relegation to League One in 2007.

 

 

Least dependable postal service of the year: the one Sam Allardyce used to send his writ to the BBC, as they still haven't received it.

 

 

Mystery of the year: why Javier Mascherano started just three Premiership games for West Ham.

 

 

What we've learned from Neil Warnock this season: 1: Sheffield United lost at Aston Villa because Liverpool played their reserves at Fulham. 2: They're in trouble because West Ham haven't been docked points. 3: Nobody likes them. 4: They don't care. 5: Gareth Southgate is friendly with Stuart Pearce. 6: All referees hate Sheffield United. 7: If Keith Gillespie was Cristiano Ronaldo, the Blades would get more penalties. 8: Last season he sold Billy Sharp to Scunthorpe for a box of felt-tip pens. This season, Sharp scored 30 goals while no Blade has reached double figures. Last season he bought Ade Akinbiyi from Burnley. This season he sold him back, for £1m less. 9: He can't say what he thinks about referees. 10: All refs are biased against plucky Sheffield United.

 

 

Least successful bid to overturning a driving ban: Nigel Reo-Coker's claim that he couldn't hire a chauffeur because "I would not know if I can trust that person. Professional footballers are targets. There are criminal gangs who wait and follow you". To be on the safe side, he hid in West Ham's midfield for the entire season.

 

 

Clubman of the year: Lucas Neill for joining West Ham rather than Liverpool:

"If West Ham was good enough for Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and Trevor Brooking, it's good enough for me," he badge-kissed. Obviously the £55,000 a week (Liverpool offered a mere £18,000) and get-out clause were incidentals.

 

Clubman of the year (2): Joey Barton who, after criticising Manchester City's signings, beat one of them, Ousmane Dabo, to a pulp.

 

Chelsea's as they clapped out Manchester United at Stamford Bridge last week.

 

 

Performance of the season: Manchester United 7, Roma 1.

 

 

Shame it counted for nothing: Manchester United 7, Roma 1.

 

 

Most vague reason for sacking a manager: "He had a kind of blind spot to some extent around the areas we needed to strengthen." Barnsley owner Patrick Cryne explains Andy Ritchie's departure.

 

 

The Martin McGuinness and Ian Paisley Best Friends After All Award: Niall Quinn and Roy Keane. Runners-up: Mick McCarthy and Roy Keane. Third: Sir Alex Ferguson and Roy Keane.

 

 

It's not all supermodels, minor pop stars, Baby Bentleys and holiday homes in Dubai: Boston's players, unpaid since March, couldn't afford the petrol to travel to training before their relegation decider at Wrexham. They were defeated and lost their league status.

 

 

Mission accomplished: Dennis Wise, When appointed, vowed to take Leeds out of the Championship.

 

They said it couldn't be done, they were wrong: Liverpool reaching the Champions League final again.

 

 

They said it couldn't be done, they were right: Watford maintaining their Premiership status.

 

 

The Harry Kewell Missing In Inaction Award: Harry Kewell (again).

 

Bargain of the season: West Ham signing Matthew Upson: minutes on field, 41.

Fee: £6m, plus a get-out clause. That's £146,341 a minute.

 

You know it's the end of the season because: the Thierry Henry to leave Arsenal rumours start again. Barcelona, again.

 

 

Most paranoid WAG: Belinda Coleman, who thought her husband, the then Fulham manager Chris, was having an affair and bugged his car. She sees more of him these days.

 

 

Punishments of the season: Bury thrown out of the FA Cup for breaking competition rules. AFC Wimbledon deducted 18 points (later cut to three) and fined for breaking competition rules. West Ham United merely fined for breaking competition rules.

Inspired sacking of the season: Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn firing manager Niall Quinn in August.

 

 

How right they were, eh? The early-season protesters who picketed Manchester United's training ground calling for Alex Ferguson to go.

 

Most unfriendly friendly: QPR v China under-23s in February, abandoned after China defender Zheng Tao was knocked unconscious during a brawl that featured all 22 players and some coaching staff.

 

The Francis Lee Memorial Double Pike Award: Didier Drogba.

 

 

Many a true word . . . Stewart Downing on Ronaldinho: "I'd love some of his skills but I'd probably fracture something trying to do them."

 

 

Where are they now? David O'Leary, Manchester City's flair, Glenn Roeder, Brighton's new ground, Simon Clifford, Blackburn Rovers' crowds.

 

 

Women of the year: Arsenal Ladies, they've won everything and none of them have moved to Chelsea.

 

 

Player of the Season Cristiano Ronaldo. Even Wayne Rooney has fallen under the winker's spell

 

 

Manager of the Season Roy Keane. From relegation fodder to Championship champions. Even those assassin's Irish eyes must be smiling.

 

 

Flop of the Season Andriy Ballack, or is it Michael Shevchenko?

 

 

Good riddance 1 Leeds United - Ken Bates, Dennis Wise et al

 

 

Good riddance 2 The Millennium stadium, and the endless car park that was the M4

 

 

Lukewarm welcome The new Wembley and the endless car park that is the A406

 

 

Nicest interviewee Liverpool's Dirk Kuyt with 'Is that enough for you [after 40 minutes]? We can talk more if you like'

 

 

Worst start to an interview Didier Drogba with 'You've got two minutes before the team bus goes'

 

 

Alternative best finish to an interview Sam Allardyce with: 'I'll pay for lunch'

 

 

Welcome back Sunderland and their diehard legions

 

 

Oh no, not you again Birmingham, and the dump that is St Andrews

 

 

Suicidal press conference of the year England's Steve McClaren, after the triumph that was Andorra: 'You can write what you like' before exiting, stage right

 

 

Dead Man Walking award The maladroit McClaren again. How did he get that job?

[Sima 0]

Keane manager of the year tbh

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

Where is that from HF?

[Happy Face 29]

Where is that from HF?

 

email from a lad at work, reads like F365 though.

[luckyluke 2]

Where is that from HF?

 

email from a lad at work, reads like F365 though.

 

I recongise it, it's from a paper, can't remember which one though.