Park Life

Kill him off ffs!

What's it about, people trying to break out of prison?

I've read one. It was shit. Which one? We went through most of Enduring Love, it seemed crap at the time. Amsterdam. I've been told by Renton off here (who is a fan of his) that it's his worst one like. It's terminally dull and I had absolutely no empathy or affection for any of the characters. It's quite short which is probably the only reason I persevered with it. Same could be said for his other novella, On Chesil Beach, which I have the misfortune of studying. Lame at times, when Enduring Love was far more interesting. He's basically shit.

Apparenlty your U in philosphy was as well.

What dd you end up studying? At A-Level I did English Lit, History, Philosophy and Politics. I got kicked off History and Philosophy and had to enter myself for History. I got a U in Philosophy on purpose, because I was dropping it at the end of the 1st year. I wasn't allowed into classes. I ended up writing a load of Brass-Eye stuff on the paper. I had terrible educators for English Lit, but managed to get some good marks. I got 86/90 on the Ian McEwan modern novel exam and it became a running joke because I hadn't read the entire book and the teacher had said to me, "You can't laugh your way through an exam Wilford." I told him I'd won a competition to meet Ian McEwan because I was in the top 2% in the country and he believed me. Didn't turn up much for lessons after that, just said I was going to meet Ian McEwan. In a few years you'll be saying Ian sold out and will start browsing gun clubs.

Held shoulder height by your classmates when the record breaking detention was handed out. "He's done it! The great man has done it!" Tbh no one even came close to my record that year, it was in the low 50s. We had a form-teacher who hated my guts from the off, he ended up refusing to educate me. He came in for registration one morning and said, "Right, this is a new year (year 9) and we'll have new rules: zero tolerance from now on; if you misbehave you will receive an after-school detention." We then had a 10 minute break and I had 2 after-school detentions by the end of it. It didn't get any better from there. Sounds like you were way too cocky. Glad you've grown out of that.

What dd you end up studying?

Held shoulder height by your classmates when the record breaking detention was handed out. "He's done it! The great man has done it!"

All people did if you want to be like that about it Trust parky to try - and fail - to sound smart. It was irony numbnuts.

Body needs a longer recovery period when you first start non?

Had 6 cats at one point (well my mum did). Cats are the best. 6 (SIX) cats????? Did she have a broom too? Totally mad. Feeding foxes and whatnot. Not the wind yee take after then Parky. She did one important thing for me which was to teach me to be myself.

Small betting shop and cafe somewhere in the French countryside would be nice. Think you get money from the Govt monopoly for set up as well.

Had 6 cats at one point (well my mum did). Cats are the best. 6 (SIX) cats????? Did she have a broom too? Totally mad. Feeding foxes and whatnot.

Had 6 cats at one point (well my mum did). Cats are the best.

All music came out of Africa or the African diaspora basically.

Did you ask invonvenient questions and cause a stir or did you quietly get on with it?

Ebola?

Cats know a lot more than they let on iyam.

I'm probs the wrong person to be ruling on this, I get a hard on ironing Mrs P's hockey kit.

Not strictly true. All it is I've never had such an age gap in a relationship, I honestly couldn't give a fuck about it, just like I said before Parky the rules society imposes on us and people's attitudes towards it. God I couldn't go out with someone 10 years older than me fuckin hell, just no. CT I'm 33 hardly an "old man". Nothing beats young pussy. Life is too short to worry about shit. End of.

Aye I've said for ages that a burrito shop in the town would make a killing. The way they roll them up in foil when you take them away makes them perfect hand-warmers for cold nights out too. This is where a proper (i.e. not actually authentic but good) (i.e. German) kebab shop would be ideal too. Döner dürüm - a kebab wrap that actually tastes of something and doesn't fall apart when you try to eat it? Yes please. The kebabs here are in a different league.

Probably get the old uniform out though if you play the cards right.