Park Life

Apart from its soul.

Blind as a bat. "David de Gea's erratic first season at Manchester United has taken place with the talented but error-prone goalkeeper suffering from an eyesight problem that may necessitate laser surgery at the end of the season. De Gea, dropped from United's past three matches after making a succession of mistakes, is long-sighted and plays in contact lenses. United employ a full-time optometrist, based at their training ground, and the Spaniard has been recommended for treatment to restore his sight to normal as he tries to cut out the mistakes that have cost him his place as Sir Alex Ferguson's first-choice goalkeeper. Having worn glasses for most of his life, De Gea was going to have laser surgery last March when he was at Atlético Madrid. At the time, however, the Atlético medical staff told him to wait at least another year because he needed a stable prescription. United were aware of the issue when they signed him for £18.3m in the summer. De Gea has had regular check-ups since replacing Edwin van der Sar and held off the challenge of Anders Lindegaard until one mistake too many in the 3-2 home defeat against Blackburn Rovers on New Year's Eve.

He won't come down and trade punches with you HF, he won't get his hands dirty. He fires intelligent weapons from range while he munches on French cuisine. He flies to Geneva and shit. You're NOT IN HIS LEAGUE! HE saunters in a butterfly mottled silken dressing gown while YOU labour in your y fronts. HE appreciates the sideways glance of a femme fatale late afternoon in a cafe. He adjoins the moment in his diary, perhaps with a charcoal thumbnail sketch. YOU on the other hand froth away in the bog to a copy of Men Only. HE takes walks by the river Seine as the sun dips and appraises his relationship with the river of life...While YOU have cobbled together a goblin in the leccy cupboard out of wax and rubber bands which you sometimes annoint with your man fluid...Only ONE can survive. Love the edit there. Like you couldn't help yourself from waxing lyrical about your man-crush. I've moved from my dogeared copies of men only onto tblop by the way. It's the future. Tblop is where it's at.

He won't come down and trade punches with you HF, he won't get his hands dirty. He fires intelligent weapons from range while he munches on French cuisine. He flies to Geneva and shit. You're NOT IN HIS LEAGUE! HE saunters in a butterfly mottled silken dressing gown while YOU labour in your y fronts. HE appreciates the sideways glance of a femme fatale late afternoon in a cafe. He adjoins the moment in his diary, perhaps with a charcoal thumbnail sketch. YOU on the other hand froth away in the bog to a copy of Men Only. HE takes walks by the river Seine as the sun dips and appraises his relationship with the river of life...While YOU have cobbled together a goblin in the leccy cupboard out of wax and rubber bands which you sometimes annoint with your man fluid...Only ONE can survive.

Clash of the number crunchers! Chaos in heaven!

Still got about 9 in 17 this season didn't he? That's struggling for him. Ise means his overall play has lost a bit of its sharpness after being so good last season. Will need a bit of time to really adjust to the PL but expect him to start scoring goals and hit the ground running. The really top drawer stuff will come after a few months and he starts to see what is what.

Or who we upgrade Don't get me wrong IMO we potentially have the best striker partnership in the league.

Not pressing the 'wank' button till I see who we keep hold off in the summer.

Seen him play a few times in the Bundesliga. Still think Ba is a slighly better instinctive finisher, but Cisse has quicker movement (and pace) and more 'shit your pants' for opp defences. Very good player. Very good. Not erratic either like some African imports. He's a bit like Demba in that he seem confident and 'happy go lucky'. When these two play together some sides are gonna get caned at SJP....And not gentle like last time.

This is massive. I mean massive in a mahoosive kind of way.

Would be ace if the eyebrows were raised up to meet the dropping hairline.

No one comes out alive.

Got a live one here.

Other pearlers of course are that Germany was the last country in Euro to have recorded cannibalism. There is a whole raft of these little wind ups but I don't want to come across on here as a piss taker.

How good is this Bas Dorst or whateva his name is?

Another one bites the dust.

what? HBA is performing at about 65% there and he still contributes more during a match than certain other players in our squad do. When HBA performs to his full capability he is capable of providing either the goals or the creativity needed to win games. I said nothing that conflicts with your post at all, all I said was that there was a bit of a scramble to get enough from that ones match worth making a video from We didn't play that well and won 1-0 whether he is capable of more than anyone on our team is irrelevent, none of our team was worth a video from that match. That's just a product of the internet, people make videos of every game Messi plays, someone even compiled every touch Obertan had during Man U's preseason. It wasn't a great video. Was it Pards??

You sound like the kind of man who would be up for making his own olive pate soldiers to accompany his many detours to the cocktail cabinet.

Aye shame Best couldn't make more of it! He needs Benzema there really.

The pissing standing up thing even discussed casually causes alarm, even amongst so-called hippie looking students who think it is akin to chopping down a tree for a laugh. When visiting others houses I sometimes wonder if the irrationally angst driven and sauber mad Germans are listening at the door for my pissing antics. I really to this day don't understand why A MAN would want to sit to take a leak. When pushed on it I tell them it's cause all the German alpha males were killed in the war and the modern Germans have been bred from freak villagers who were too dangerous to be given guns.

If Hatem farts the other side drop back 10 yards. Fact.

This drip drip thing Leazes has perfected is beginning to look like military grade wearing down.

We are apparently trying very hard to sign someone.

Santon was MOM for me. The other thing is we were playing a rejuvinated qpr, not the old brand. Think we did well, clearly missing the alpha males.

It's not about the numbers chaps, it's about the universe and that ain't numbers that is a feedback loop that is.