Sicklee Sausage Roll

Just because more people are putting bets on someone, it doesn't make them more likely to get the job. Souness is 66/1 ffs. More chance of Elvis landing on Barrack Rd in his UFO.

Or, if you tell enough lies, some of them will come true. If his finger is on the pulse, how come Taylor was on the back page today?

Copying bastards.

Right sentiment, wrong person. Sorry Joey, can we bury the hatchet?

I'd rather skull-fuck Richard Whiteley's corpse.

Thanks. "Butt, Butt, go, go, go, go, go, go, gooooooooal!"

You must be yolking, surely?

Way overpriced. You can get bricks and mortar homes in more desirable places for the same amount,

Blatter trying to overturn European Law. Good luck with that one.

He reminded me of David Carradine at the end of Kill Bill. Dida? Diva more like.

Gaffer tape.

A stunning combination of Nimble and 'Mission Deli' wraps.

Wouldn't want a blow job off someone with those teeth. Too risky.

Gutted. It's like missing a Happy Mondays gig because Bez is ill.

Anyone called Dave who is still a Virgin are getting two channels named after them.

Note to Sam - Part two Give Smith some footballs to practice with. The shinpads aren't working.

Note to Sam. Milner Butt Geremi Smith This does not work. Stop it.

Smith's niggly little challenges are the footballing equivalent of me suddenly picking up the nearest piece of paper and looking very thoughtful when someone comes into the room when I've been skiving.

Geremi off, Butt staying on?

Owen doesn't last an hour.

Is that all Smith can do? (After he clumsily lunged into someone and earned a booking) Any other tricks?

Nicky Butt has been hopeless. What the fuck was Harper doing for that goal? Didn't he learn anything from Alonso?

Oh, that's alright then.

Hate when it has on the label, when it has zero effect on the item of clothing you're trying to iron. It's 2007 for f*ck sake. We can put a robot on Mars, but we're still pressing hot metal plates on garments.

Arizona? He's probably heard of the massive dessert out there, or that vegetables can dry out if left long enough.