Sicklee Sausage Roll

That's so airbrushed, it looks like an Aardman production. 98967[/snapback] Yeah but wouldn't you love to be Walace if that was the case? 98969[/snapback] Cracking chebs Gromit!

That's so airbrushed, it looks like an Aardman production.

Evra's defending is as bad as anything I've seen this season.

Where was that, the 'five goals a season or less' checkout?

Nobody expects the Spanish Indignation! How come the lazy get only excedes walking pace when he's off the pitch? "Runs down the tunnel," "Storms out of the ground," "Hastily signs contract for club," "Quickly pockets cash,"

Wish I could pull a three-month sickie.

Kamara: "SHEARER! SHEARER!"

Boro 4-0 down

The Fake Sheik tricked them.

Yeah, it's all our fault. Poor Luque has desperately wanted to take on his full-back, but the cruel coaching staff at NUFC have put lead weights in his shinpads. It was also our fault that Robert couldn't get a game for Portsmouth and eventually spat his dummy out. 89076[/snapback] I didn't say Luque wasn't to blame, it goes without saying that he's been poor. What I'm saying is that while it's true that many (expensive) foreign players that come to this club turn out to be failures, it's not always down to the players. See this thread. 89077[/snapback] The problem is that while we aren't as big as Man Utd, Liverpool etc, we can afford to pay out the same wages as those clubs. While the top clubs get the cream of Europe, we get the ones who want to be a big fish in a little pond. Kluivert, Ginola and Robert were/are all world-class players who lost their places in the national side - in their mid twenties, where they should have hit their peak - because they can't be arsed to put the effort in. The two decent foreign players we've had who were dedicated professionals (Hamman and Dumas) had the good sense to leave as soon as they could.

Yeah, it's all our fault. Poor Luque has desperately wanted to take on his full-back, but the cruel coaching staff at NUFC have put lead weights in his shinpads. It was also our fault that Robert couldn't get a game for Portsmouth and eventually spat his dummy out. Edit: ...and with perfect irony, Souey's £9 million signing cries off and Bobby's cost-nothing left-winger puts us in the lead.

If you felched a woman while she was on her period, would that be like eating a Muller Fruit Corner?

He hasn't won the SPL or the cup in Turkey. Not a proper honours list.

Didn't that happen at the start of "Sliding doors"?

Stereotypically efficient.

It would be surreal to go to Dubai and come back with a broken leg from skiing.

Uuuuurgh! Wash yer cock, man!

5:00 Go for piss, go back to bed 6:30 Alarm goes off - Set alarm for 6:40 6:40 Alarm goes off - Set alarm for 6:50 6:50 Alarm goes off - Grudgingly get out of bed. 6:51 Draw bath - Admire my sketch, and fill a bath with hot water. 6:55 Iron clothes. 7:00 Get into bath, howl in pain, get out. 7:01 Put cold water into bath, whilst simultaneously brushing my teeth and having a piss. 7:03 Wash all parts of my body apart from the nether regions. 7:04-7:10 Wash my nether regions. 7:10 Admire my shaving foam Santa beard and have a shave. 7:15 An unexplainable warp in time which transports me to 7:29 7:29 Get dressed 7:30 Leave for work

I wonder if they'll play footloose at his funeral...

Iron this forrus, love.

He's been overcharged. I only spent £450, and yet with nine appointments still to go, I'm already permanently scarred.

I see what you've done there.

If I don't watch it, how will I know it isn't on?

That's quality. Bramble and Babayaro's expressions are perfect.

Absolutely, and I won't claim for a moment to have been the same, either emotionally or physically, at age 14/15 as I am now (no beer gut, for a start) - but, by the same token, I was already through with a good amount of what puberty had to throw at me, and more importantly I was already pretty sure that I wasn't going to fit the Hetero Male model of life. From what I know of other people, that makes me more the exception than the rule, and obviously the law has to try to find an "average" age that fits the reality of the situation as snugly as possible, but it doesn't change the fact that I knew what I wanted pretty early on. I suppose in this day and age I might've just stayed at home, surfed for porn and knocked one off instead, but that option wasn't open to me then - and when you're not the kind of teenager whose underwear elastic catapults across the room every time Baywatch comes on, your experimentation inevitably tends to take a different form. A potentially dangerous one, maybe, but then so (one might argue) are anyone's first steps into relationships and sex, whatever their age... 77770[/snapback] At least nee bloke could get you up the duff like! 77777[/snapback] At least he hopes not. I wouldn't like to wait 9 months to have a crap.