sandman02uk

That's gotta be annoying at Airports. ... eh? eh? eh? well one of mine is now the same stuff as fake tits are made from, although a little smaller, jesus could you imagine that? a fake tit hangin under your old man? nightmare Never again will I be able to covertly appraise a passing wench's "top bollocks" without an image of your scarred nutsack popping into my mind... Cheers Sandman Scared is the right word as well, image 14 stitches all coming off at the same time? bottom of my scrote looks like the somme

Once a big is submitted and not dismissed out of hand the net value of the club includes the players, if he starts to buy or sell that value changes, making the bid now void

That's gotta be annoying at Airports. ... eh? eh? eh? well one of mine is now the same stuff as fake tits are made from, although a little smaller, jesus could you imagine that? a fake tit hangin under your old man? nightmare

The horrible little cunt scored on saturday

lol well remember that of everything you lob off, only 5% has come from your nuts, everything else is produced elsewhere and then its all mixed together like a martini

Thankyou to answer the questions, yes I expected to lose both but kept one, woot woot Teratoma - Don't quote me on this, but I believe the ones found in the nuts of guys are often malignant, but of all the Cancers to have, mine was the better option, although it was fairly developed (the tumour in my nut was 3cm in size) The thing that was surprising was inital reaction from my male friends - they all wanted to know how I found it and how to check and following on from my advice they all popped off to have a grope, 3 of them ended up having scans, 2 where liasons and the other was benign, the thing I learnt was that guys don't check their pods enough, Girls on the other hand wanted to know how it felt and if it effected my performance at all I was usually happy to oblige

I wrote this shortly after I had surgey and allowed me to put my thoughts down on paper as it where, this is a straight copy and paste from those ramblings, so apologies if it’s a little long I was playing football on a Wednesday evening just before Christmas 2007, I think it was the 19th, the ball hit me right in the goods and just before I came crashing to earth I remember thinking to myself "that doesn't feel right" Later that evening in the shower I remember checking my pods to make sure everything was where it should be and finding a firmness that I hadn’t noticed before, thinking it was just a result of the balls unerring accuracy I ignored it and went about my merry way. Jump forward to January 7th 2008, Sunday evening, I was in the bath and having the usual grope, my girlfriend was in the bathroom and I was being crude, waving my willy at her and asking if she wanted some (I got the usual reply "why, what you think your going to do with that little thing?") when I remembered the impact and the firmness I had first noticed a few weeks prior, sure enough it was still there, I asked my girlfriend if she would have a quick feel and see what she thought. She checked and said she wanted me to get it checked out straight away, so the following morning I booked an appointment with my local GP clinic wandered down and spoke to the Dr. He had a quick play and said he felt it needed to be checked out by an Urologist ASAP as it could be cancer............"Come again?" I do recall sitting there thinking that’s abit worrying, I don’t even know what a urologist is, and little did I know what the next few days would have in store. the Dr. started to do all the paper work and said "it will take 2 weeks to get you referred" "bollocks to that" I replied "I have private health care, if you think something’s wrong and it could be the Big "C" I want it seen faster than that" My GP didn’t think it could be done any faster but said he would check with the hospital and let me know, sure enough 20 mins after I had left the clinic he rang me to say I was booked in to see the Consultant Surgeon at the private hospital in Cambridge later that same day. I remember the drive to work being an odd one, all the thoughts and emotions and thinking over and over to myself "Do I have Cancer?" I got into work and spoke to my boss, just to let him know what was going on (my work have been absolutely fantastic) I got all the private healthcare stuff sorted out and my boss told me to go home and to keep him updated I drove back home and rang my then Girlfriend at the hospital (she works there) and told her the news, she said she was going to come with me to the Urologist to provide morale support. I saw the Consultant Surgeon who said that in his opinion the firmness looked liked a cancer of the testical and I would have to go for a Scan to confirm it. He arranged a scan then and there and booked me to have the Ultra Sound in the morning. I was taken into a side room and 4 lots of blood where taken That evening we sat and chatted about that the possibility of having cancer, by this stage I had kind of come to the conclusion that our worst fears where going to be realised the following morning, we spent most of that evening on the internet looking for any and all information on Testicular Cancer, I think by the time I went to bed I had self-diagnosed and had a matter of minutes to live Neither of us slept well that night The following day Tuesday 8th I went in for the ultra sound, I was lead into a dark room, and told to drop my shorts, the radiologist covered my balls with a gell and off he went with his machine, at this stage I knew my right nut was the one we were interested in, however the radiologist was spending more time on the left one, when I queried this he showed me the screen and said that the right one definitely showed a solid mass and was Cancer (thanks for breaking it mildly) however the left one was showing some abnormal lesions (at this stage, abnormal lesions is the fucking last thing I wanted to hear) The Radiologist said he was going to go speak to the consultant, he left the room. When he came back he had spoken to the Consultant and the Oncology department and they had booked me in for an immediate CT Scan on the abdomen as it looked like I had cancer in both balls and they wanted to see if it was anywhere else. When my Girlfriend heard this she broke down in floods of tears, and we just hugged each other in the corridor of the hospital, I was given the metal drink and lead once more into a room with the big doughnut, an IV was inserted and I was told that the fluid would make me feel like I was wetting myself, They carried out the scan and as I lay there being moved backwards and forwards into this machine I remember looking up at the ceiling and thinking "If there’s anyone up there, now’s the time to throw me a bone" to say I was shitting myself was an understatement, here I was 24 hours after playing with my nuts and I was faced with my own mortality After the scan sitting in the waiting room for the Oncologist to review my scans was probably the longest moments of my life, after about an hour my girlfriend and I were again led into a little room and spoke to the oncologist, he said my scans showed clear as did my blood work so it wasn’t in my Lymph Nodes, my abdomen or my lungs...."woooooohooooooo Get the fuck in" at this point I was told to take my t shirt off my head and sit back down, apparently there was no running allowed in the office the Cancer was only localised to the right testicle, however the left testicle was showing signs that it also was affected and the only course of action would be a Bilateral orchidectomy......erh you mean you’re taking both my balls? I was advised the next steps would be Sperm banking, then a biopsy to confirm and finally extraction, at this point everyone was talking about this being a cure and my chances of survival where very high....85-90% Sperm banking, now this is interesting, I arrived at the private clinic and was met by a short, balding man with glasses who had a limp and spoke with a german accent, I couldn't help but just wet myself when he introduced himself, he was like a mad scientist you see in all the war films and I had been selected for cloning He explained to me about how they collect sperm, what they do with it (to my surprise they don't neck it from shot glasses, with salt and lemon after work on a friday night) I was lead off by a pretty lady (god love private health care) to make my "donation". Now at the time I thought it was just a case of throwing one off the wrist, quick fag and off you go, oh no, I was lead into a room with a bed, a TV and a walk in sink......yeap a walk in sink that had holes for your legs so you stand in it, and then wash yourself...3 times to make sure everything is clean. The Instruction manual was hilarious, you couldn't have sex, either penetrative or oral, although you could have a hand job. You had to collect it in a large beaker but where warned not to get it on the sides or scrap your knob to make sure you got it all. So I did all the cleaning and sat down on the bed to look through the material provided and it was shocking, I had been given 4 magazines "lovely hubblies", "GILF's", "Asian Persuasion" and finally, FHM, so none of those caused even a remote stiring, so I looked through the DVD's and they where the sex education type you got at school....I decided to ring my mate to wind him up and asked him to send pictures of his bird over, He found my predicament hilarious even more so when he found out the pretty nurse was stood outside waiting for me, at this point we both thought it would be genius to ask if she had any other material. As I popped the door open she looked at me expectantly and asked "if I was done" when I replied I wasn't she asked what the problem was, I explained the material provided was of a low quality, I remember her looking at me with a smirk on my face and asking "what are you into?" and without cracking a smile I responded "Midgets", midgets getting fucked from behind by someone wearing a donkey costume and boxing gloves" I will go to my grave never seeing a reaction like her's it was utterly priceless The day of the biopsy (Friday 11th) I went into the hospital and was told they where going to try a new procedure that vastly reduced the pain, 3 big blokes stood round me and then suddenly held me down and a nasty man stuck a needle the size of my little finger right into my nutsack without any anaesthetic, seriously I shit you not, you could of scraped me off.....the......fucking........ceiling, 20 mins later I was advised they were 95% certain that what I had was a stage 1 Teratoma. The surgeon rang me later that night to say he was going to get me in for the bilateral orchidectomy on Wednesday 16th but first I had to go into the Oncology clinic to discuss Testosterone Replacement Therapy The day of the Operation came, and under I went, I remember having a laugh and a joke with the guys in the theatre before I went under, upon waking, I remember turning to the nurse who was beside me and saying "Jesus Christ that’s sore, can you tell them to get on with it?" I was told that the operation takes 30 minutes to do, 3 hours later I was out of surgery, apparently they had, had to do a lot of cutting to get through the muscle to get down to my nuts, the fake one was in and I was back out, they did explain to me that due to the amount of cutting there was extensive nerve damage and the chances where I would never get an erection again I laid in bed thinking this was a fucking disaster, looking down at tough guy just lying there and feeling nothing, I slipped in and out of sleep as they had dosed me to the eyeballs as it had taken much longer than expected. I woke in the early hours and still nothing from diamond gizza, so I slid out of bed and basically played with him till he woke up......wooohoooo, although the pain that followed it was incredible, the nurse found me half on the bed, half wanking half grimacing and double over in laughter, I remember her calling me "a horny bastard, leave it alone" 2 weeks later I was in the Southern Alps snowboarding, it was an interesting period of time, I have had chemotherapy and every 3 months its silly season where I have to go back into hospital for blood work, scans, injections, checkups but its all part of the good fight

So all the players wherel asked to run out, do fuck all, take the piss out the club, the city and the fans where you? your a cunt

They mentioned a fake one and I asked for one that flashed colours when you squeezed it, I got a right bollocking (excuse the pun) for not taking cancer seriously, but it was my way of dealing with it it was sewn in place but I ripped it free when I went snowboarding and came up short doing a backside 360, now it wanders round of its own accord, which can be highly amusing in the bedroom, you really can get your back wheels in Quality! mate the stories I have about that period of my life are just bizare Do tell! tell ya what, I wrote everything that happened to me, no holds barred when I was first diagnosed, it was used by a site called "checkemlads" which is trying to raise awareness of testicular cancer, let me dig it out and post it up

They mentioned a fake one and I asked for one that flashed colours when you squeezed it, I got a right bollocking (excuse the pun) for not taking cancer seriously, but it was my way of dealing with it it was sewn in place but I ripped it free when I went snowboarding and came up short doing a backside 360, now it wanders round of its own accord, which can be highly amusing in the bedroom, you really can get your back wheels in Quality! mate the stories I have about that period of my life are just bizare

They mentioned a fake one and I asked for one that flashed colours when you squeezed it, I got a right bollocking (excuse the pun) for not taking cancer seriously, but it was my way of dealing with it it was sewn in place but I ripped it free when I went snowboarding and came up short doing a backside 360, now it wanders round of its own accord, which can be highly amusing in the bedroom, you really can get your back wheels in

they will wait until the end of the month before buying so they don't have to pickup the fees owed to players like cacapa, owen and fatty viduka, when they are off the books and sorted, then we might see something

Usually it's easily treated but it's normally localized to the testicles or thereabouts at diagnosis. Don't know specifically about this case but I'd imagine it must be quite advanced to have caused symptomatic metastases in the brain, sounds like he's been very unlucky. Hopefully he will respond to chemotherapy because that will be his only hope now. Aye I know fuck all about cancer, but assume the stuff in his nads had gone unnoticed for a while for it to have spread to his brain. I had a nad scan once -piece of piss tbh, and genuinely not worth being a twat and not going to the doc out of embarrassment etc. They had to build a new ward to house them like but once that was sorted it was no bother. It sounds a bit like what Lance Armstrong went through in the mid nineties.....he had testicular cancer which had spread to his brain.....obviously no one is party to the prognosis the JH's doctors have given him, but this really doesn't sound too good for the bloke. Any cancer that has spread i.e. not been caught early is obviously not a good thing. But Armstrong's story shows that you can pull through and in his case acheive incredible things. Best of luck to JH. Been there, done that, got the plastic nut to prove it (although I always wanted a magic eight ball instead that I would whip out in the pub but the quack was having none of it)

so how many we got on sky then? is that 5 now?

wanker, you got my hopes up

I read it, alot of negativity towards a small club..unfortunately the writer is neither articulate or accurate

Net worth of US$7.4 billion according to Forbes, and the third wealthiest man in Southeast Asia. His brother Hari is canny famous an all, he's even got his own chant. GURANGA!!!

FYP

Surely you could send a fruit basket to PB "apologising" for calling his article into question and offering the fruit basket as a token of friendship

There isn't a Newcastle fan alive who'd let themselves be photographed like that. why is it that when I look at this photo I feel a deep unease, similar to the feeling you get when "The Sun" has pictures of Peados watching kids on the front page?? Is it Bruce? the mans a total cunt like, I suspect its seeing the way he's stroking the scarf, makes me feel queasy

Amazingly she took it well enough for me to be very optimistic about my chances of a break up bonus so there's every hope yet. Daft mackem bint. you need to be all over that one tough guy

Good god man do you not have incriminating pictures and videos?? Amatuer mistake that one like!!

next seasons transfer targets

Of course they are going up he has to find 23million from somewhere